I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Monday, July 17, 2017


It is coming up on a year of being with my boyfriend. I love him. More than anything. But recently things have been different in our relationship and I’m almost at the point where I want to break up with him, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

 Background: We met at a Gay Pride event. It was kind of unconventional but we had an immediate connection. I spent two entire days of the weekend with him. He was staying with some friends and we even left and rented a separate room so we could have sex in private. It was hot! Anywho…we live in two different cities and are doing the long distance thing. When we first started dating, he stressed how he wanted a monogamous relationship and that was definitely not a problem for me. He had told me stories about his ex’s that all cheated on him and I could never do that to hurt him. I legitimately love the guy. He is a very social person, loves to be around people and go to events and travel. He has friends all over the world.

 Fast forward to about 9 months in, he came to visit for my birthday and it was a great weekend, but when he left he kinda stopped talking to me. I called him out on it and he apologized, saying that something was missing for him and he doesn’t know what. That weekend I found out he went to a gay pride event and he never told me he was going. I don’t think he did anything but that’s a possibility. After talking it out, things were kind of back to normal, but part of me started to become suspicious of him, and there were all of these little things that have happened to make it worse. I am not the snooping type and I have never had a reason not to trust him.
He has a friend in the Caribbean, and one week he decided to go up there to spend a week with him and his partner. Not that I care that he went up there, but he didn’t tell me until he was literally at the airport waiting to board his flight. He took a week off of work to go, which makes me believe that he had this trip planned, so why would he not mention it….
One weekend I went up to visit him. We were supposed to go to the Caribbean together but long story and I didn’t go. One morning we woke up and he was checking his phone. I honestly just happened to look over and saw a text message from a number that wasn’t saved that said “Good Morning Baby.” He seemed to quickly put his phone down and I didn’t make it known that I saw. That evening, we were in the car and he was driving. He was getting texts and I was messing around on my phone. Every time he would look at the text, reply, and delete it. I had a talk with him about how things were different with us and he agreed that things aren't the same as before.
We decided to plan a trip together. We decided to go to Puerto Rico since I had never been. I was excited and everything was good. I found out that he was going to Puerto Rico with his ex boyfriend the weekend before. He never told me about that either. I even spoke to him on the phone the morning he was to leave and he didn’t mention it. It wasn’t until later in the day when I asked him something about the weekend when he told me he was going. Obviously I was upset and I sent him a really long message telling him I can’t handle him being secretive, how I’m not a priority anymore,  basically gave him the opportunity to break up with me if he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He told me his ex is in a relationship and he just wanted to reconnect with an old friend, I had nothing to worry about, and “don’t worry, you’re not going anywhere”. (He’s told me before that his circle of friends is getting smaller and he is trying to reconnect with people.)
Recently I found he has a profile on a dating website. Trying to be optimistic I wondered if he had it from before he met me but doing some searching I found that he had logged in the day before. His profile says “Ultimately looking for a relationship. Don’t care for being single.”
My problem: I love him. The thought of not being with him hurts more than knowing that he is doing all of this. Obviously it is pretty clear that he is sleeping around, but it could be that he is just talking (That’s me in denial!) I want to call him out but I don’t know how. I can legitimately see myself marrying this man and sadly I don’t care that he is cheating. But I know deep down that I shouldn’t be with someone who can’t be honest. That is the one thing I ever ask for. I can’t figure out why he is with me. I can tell he loves me….or something…why else would he be with me? He knows how I feel, I’d quit my job and move to be with him, but that would be stupid at this point. I just don’t get it.


Have you ever been in this situation? 

What are your thoughts?

What advice would you give this person?

1 comment:

  1. Been in that situation, only difference we were in the same city, state & house, it went on for years, he even stopped trying to hide. Finally he ran off with someone else. I was devastated. So if i were you i would cut my losses now, get my crying out & move on. there is someone better for you



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