I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Wednesday, August 5, 2015


They say the biggest sex organ is not between your legs, but between your ears. You can get turned on as much by what someone says to you as how they touch you. Here are some tips on how to talk dirty to your lover, whether it's during the act of making love, or through sexy text messages, emails or love poems.

Here's How:

Tell him what you want to do.
Be specific. Don't say, "I can't wait to be with you." Instead, tell him what specific thing you're going to do to a specific body part. "I am going to lick that spot on your ... that drives you crazy."

Tell him what he's doing to you.
Describe what he's doing to you that you like. "You're driving me crazy, I just want you inside me."

Make noise.
When he touches you in the right spot, moan and let him know you appreciate it. Breathe loudly, say, "Oh yes, oh yes!" Tell him you like what he's doing. Ask him to keep going. To add more fingers, or keep licking in that spot -- whatever it is that you want him to know. This will enhance the sexual experience for both you and for him.

Say the words out loud.
It might be hard at first to use the dirty words that you want to say. But give it a try. If you're shy saying them in person, try them out in a sexy email, when you're alone in your room or in a love note that you do or do not send. I'm not going to list possible dirty words here, but try the ones that feel naughty to you.

Tell him what you're doing.
If you're not sure what to say, describe what you're doing to him. "Baby, I am touching you .... Then I'm going to ... And I can't wait to...."

Find your voice.
Are you going to lower your voice and be demanding? Or will be talk in a high-pitched squeal? Play around with what feels comfortable to you. You don't have to do the same thing every time, just do what feels authentic and right in the moment.

Make him feel sexy
Tell him how amazing he looks, how he makes you feel and how sex turns you on. 

Ask him what he wants.
Do you want me to touch you there, baby? How can I really turn you on? Would you like my... on your...? By asking him to tell you what he wants, you'll get him involved in the dirty talk too.

Don't be a porn star
Use the words that feel comfortable to you. Don't act out a porn scene (unless that's what you want to do.) Dirty talk is probably going to be uncomfortable for you at first. Try to be yourself, or act out your alter-ego, but stop if it isn't feeling right.

Respect one another
You might feel tempted to use words that are degrading. He might like that, it might turn him on. Or it might turn him off. Before you launch into possibly offensive territory, have a talk with your lover about what your ground rules around dirty talk are.

Agree to experiment
If dirty talk is something new for you and your lover, you don't know how it's going to go over. Agree to try it and talk about it later. Agree to stay in the moment, if you can, and discuss any feelings about it after sex. Agree not to giggle if what he's saying sounds silly in the moment. That will only break his confidence and discourage her from practicing and getting better.

Be someone else.
Role-playing is a good time to experiment with talking dirty. You're the dirty plumber who's come to fix the leaky faucet. Use a plumber's vocabulary, not your social worker self.


Dirty talk isn't for everyone. You may like it, but your partner may not. Don't push her to talk dirty back to you if he isn't comfortable with it.

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