Thursday, July 31, 2014
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
FOR POWER BOTTOMS...
My mind began to stir and made a stew of all the fruitful
adventures I had been through with him. I thought about how he explored me with
both hands. I remembered how he bit my lips and choked me, as if to try to kill
me in order to remind me that I was alive. I reminisced on how he would fill me
up, whisper in my ears, and turn my body into a percussive instrument that played
songs of love, power, and more, and ad-libs of, “Oh, God.” He turned my bedroom
into a piece of art, but the experience felt like a gospel song, our sweat was
holy water, I was sure. Soon, he’d release, and I’d release, and I think we
astral projected, and then I’d sit and wonder. He held me, and I wondered some
more.
I questioned, “Who the fuck came up with the ideas of what a bottom
is and should be?” A strange thing to think about, but it’s always something I
think about after fantastic sex. I wonder why is being the receiver in sex
indicative to someone’s personality. I’d think that you would bottom in the
bedroom because it feels good. Just like how I don’t think I have the answers
to someone’s personality because they love chocolate, it’s simply not enough to
go by. I don’t know everything about you because of what you like to taste.
However, preferred (sometimes, not even confirmed) sexual positions in this
queer black culture seem to be the ultimate deciding factor of who you are and
can be. I would say that I find it strange or problematic, but that would
almost be a lie. I mostly find it extremely silly.
I find it the silliest when I think of how good it feels and when I
think of the pleasure it brings. It’s silly because outside of the arena of sex,
I am powerful, expressive, assertive, confident, and independent. My
‘femmeness’ or my ‘bottomness’ doesn’t make me any weaker. Actually, I’ve found
the most strength and power through my femininity and expressing my sexuality.
I don’t understand how bedroom decisions turn someone into a 1950s archetype
for the perfect submissive, passive housewife. I don’t understand how the
expression of sexuality does anything, but empower.
Alas, I’ve found in this queer black community that preferred
sexual positions actually decide on things way beyond sexuality or
preference. More than anything, I find it lazy. You decide you know
someone simply because of what you infer from their preferred sexual position.
Again, I could call this thought process a lot of things, but the only thing
that truly seems appropriate to call it is lazy and extremely silly. I know
logically, it is rooted in misogyny and anything being woman is seen as weaker,
despite women being what gives birth to us all, which makes being anything close
to women more God-like (or stronger) than anything else, but who’s here to make
sense? It’s certainly not those that have fetishes for the masculine, and
scrutinize the feminine. Even me, I’m not here to change minds. I simply want
to participate in sex and sexual expression without people thinking they know
who I am because of things they put together about what I do in the bedroom.
The things I do in the bedroom aren’t rooted in anything other than pleasure.
I look at the text message that is from an ex-lover that reads, “I
miss the way you taste.” I ignore it because outside of the bedroom, he’s still
an asshole. I ignore it because outside and inside of the bedroom, I’m running
shit.
SOURCE: MUSED MAG
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
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