If you have been in a committed relationship that has lasted for a year or more, what are the odds that the first or second man you meet after the breakup is the perfect match for you? So it’s over. Now you’re alone maybe for the first time in a long while. The longer you have been in a relationship, the more daunting this may sound. Many gay men start lining up prospective dates and bed partners even while the cum stains of their ex’s still lingers on the sheets. Many of us tell our friends that we are going to be very cautious about their next one. Yet, in our rush to prove ourselves right, we take on another ONLY to prove ourselves...Why are we so quick to rush into another ‘relationship?’ After all, if you have been in a committed relationship that has lasted for a year or more, is a new BF the last thing you need?
I've seen this happen SO many times and it never ceases to amaze me how many seek another BF to have their emotional needs met. If only many understood that being alone does not necessarily imply loneliness. I find that the saddest case loneliness occur when we feel unloved in a relationship. Now I get that many of us feel anxious and want to jump into a new relationship in order to find a new sexual partner. But what happens when the newness wears off? I know that the pain of a break up is unbearable, but can one delay pain forever? AMAZING how we can feel centered, calm and blissfully (un)aware of all the challenges that lay ahead. Actions taken now will spring up @ a later date to do what they do best in the VERY near future.
And that leaves you here with me, in the present, sitting with this blog entry, trying to find something that captures this aspect of our nature and they only thing that comes to mind is mountain climbing. Strange to think of one's love life as analogous to climbing a mountain huh? What is even more strange is after years of striving to reach the summit, that you've climbed the wrong mountain. It has happened to me and when I speak to friends on this subject, I am ONLY doing so because I climbed the same new yet old mountain. And I wrote all of this just to show how such an exercise can be considered time well-spent. You know life's perverse way of happily screws with us, because that mountain (new BF) turned out to be exactly the right mountain. In order to see things clearly, to understand the actuality of relationships, we have to crawl up a treacherous incline that only led to the happiness of our poorly-formed, dreams of love. There was never an alternative, because many of us are incapable of envisioning one. Which is fine. So if you look around and see that you reached the top. The pinnacle, that apex and still NOT see that mountain you were meant to climb is far off in the distance, KEEP CLIMBING!