It feels like just last week we were tuning in together to see
the virtual coronation of America’s next drag superstar. Now, it’s ten All Stars
back from the beyond (Vegas shows, never-ending roast tours, Taylor Swift music
video cameos, etc.) vying for a spot in the Drag Race Hall of
Fame.
All Stars really found its groove since its widely-panned first season. The
format refresh added drama and strategy as the power was put partially in the
hands of the queens, seemingly eliminating the unseen producers’ hands.
(Though, believe me, they are still there.) All Stars season
five comes with a few more surprises, and they’re already adding excitement.
Not that this
crop of queens was lacking in energy. The cast is a colorful mix of
personalities that includes recent fan favorites like Shea Couleé and Miz
Cracker alongside legends like Ongina and Jujubee.
Since so much
of this episode focuses on the gals’ individual performances, I’ll save most of
the blow-by-blow for the rankings below, but there are a few things you need to
know: there will be only one winner each week, all the queens will have a say
in who goes home and Derrick Barry and India Ferrah do NOT like each other one
bit.
That last one
is a delicious little bit of gay drama I didn’t even realize I so desperately
needed. All this social distancing and isolation, I’ve forgotten how good
petty, gay bullshit feels sometimes. Luckily, India and Derrick have brought
plenty to share.
Honestly, who
cares what the story is? Something about online rants and pigs in wigs and
Piranha in Vegas. The details don’t matter. Neither looks good, and neither is
particularly adept at executing the kind of Real Housewives-level,
chilly, faux high-road they’re aiming for. It’s just messy, and I say, bless
this mess.
The two bicker
throughout the episode, even spilling into the first mini-challenge: Reading.
India bests Derrick at the war of words (a humble achievement at best), but her
poison tongue is no match for Jujubee’s and Blair St. Clair’s sharp ones. Those
two queens split the library mini-challenge win, with strong showings also
coming from Shea Couleé and Miz Cracker.
The main
challenge is the familiar showcase of talent, this time loosely tied to the
Werq the World tour. Each queen gets a few minutes to do whatever they do best.
I’m a big fan of this kind of challenge, because it lets viewers see what a
show would be like from these queens without the production meddling, and it’s
an opportunity for lesser-known queens to reintroduce themselves.
This season’s
sampling left judges’ jaws on the floor, including special guest Ricky Martin.
El Rey of Latin pop, Martin stuck out as such an earnest, sincere presence that
he almost read as camp against the winking backdrop of Drag Race.
The judges
single out top performances from Miz Cracker, Alexis Mateo and India. They love
Cracker’s renewed polish and confidence. Alexis gets praise for an energetic
performance that reinforced her position as a top showgirl with Puerto Rican
pride. Surprisingly, it’s India who snags the win for a high-octane lip sync
that impressed with its intensity.
Less fortunate
is India’s rival, Derrick, whose series of celebrity impressions may be one of
the worst talent show showing we’ve ever seen. The beloved Ongina gets
chastised for not doing enough and letting the competition get to her head. Finally,
Mayhem Miller’s bizarre performance is dinged for its unintelligible lyrics. Ru
places Derrick and Mayhem in the bottom two.
Now what?
Well, as
winner, India gets to pick the lipstick of the queen she believes should go
home. Then, all the other queens — including the two up for elimination —
vote Survivor-style on who they think should go home. The results
of that vote go onto a lipstick carried by a LIP SYNC ASSASSIN who will face
that week’s winner. Whoever slays the sync reveals who is going home on their
lipstick.
Wow. A lot to
unpack there. First off, involving all the queens in choosing who goes home
opens the door for a lot more drama. The lip sync assassins are great ways to
bring in more beloved girls as these All Star seasons work
their way through fan favorites.
The first
assassin is season 11’s winner, Yvie Oddly. Yvie and India break it down to
Martin’s “Livin’ La Vida Loca.” Oddly sticks to her crowd-pleasing parlor
tricks, while India keeps the pedal to the metal for another full-throttle
performance. In on notable moment, India perfectly timed a slide to land just
up against Yvie’s outstretched leg. They’re like sexy LEGOs, and I’m here for
it.
It wasn’t
enough for India to win though, meaning this week’s $10,000 tip gets rolled
over until next week. Yvie removed her lipstick to reveal Derrick’s name,
sending the Britney impersonator back to Vegas.
(Also of note,
they show you whom everyone voted for on Untucked. Everyone except
Derrick and Jujubee voted for Derrick.)
Let’s dive
deeper into the queens in our (extra subjective) rankings below. I’m still
considering past performance in my overall impressions, but I’m open to having
my mind changed as the weeks drag on.
What did you
think of the changes to the format? How would you rank the queens?
1.
I was rooting for Shea Couleé back
in season nine, and I’m ready to hop on that bandwagon again. Judging by her
pole-dancing talent, you could’ve cast Ms. Couleé in Hustlers. She
still looks amazing, and, clearly, she’s been expanding her arsenal. I have
high hopes for her run this season.
2.
It’s never smart to root against Jujubee.
The season two icon was one of the few bright spots in the first All
Stars season few dare to speak of. She’s a total pro, incredibly
intelligent and has a way of endearing herself to just about anyone. I found it
more difficult than the other queens to connect with her ballad performance,
though. The lyrics were such a mishmash of non-specific metaphor, it was nearly
impossible to follow. (“The sun is shining bright, and it’s warming my insides;
I can hear the silent lightning strike.” Huh?) Still, if she doesn’t take
herself too seriously, I’d love to see Jujubee go all the way to the Hall of
Fame.
3.
I wasn’t a big fan of Alexis Mateo back
when she was slugging it out on season three, but she won me over on the
mainstage. After too many seasons of contestants trying to recapture the
formula of unique queens like Alaska, Jinkx, Bianca and Bob, it’s refreshing to
see such a good example of classic drag performance. It was big and showy and
felt free of meme-obsessed, referential complications that have come to define
much of the recent crops of queens.
4.
Miz Cracker is another returning contestant many folks will be happy to see
again. Her mainstage performance was nothing if not consistent. She blended
campy comedy and high-spirited glamour that felt like a perfect way to get
acquainted with Cracker. I’m not as convinced she’s completely conquered her
perfectionism just yet, but, if she can stay out of her own head, she could go
far.
5.
Mariah Paris Balenciaga, on the other hand, needs to spend more time INSIDE her head, because
she’s got a lot of good ideas in there! Her politically-charged performance
drew extra praise from Ricky Martin, and it certainly left an impression on
audiences. There was passion, there was originality and there was just enough
shock there to stick with you. It was an incredibly effective use of time,
making a much bigger impact than any other queen. If this is what Mariah has
more of, I can’t wait to see what she brings next week.
6.
Blair St. Clair sings pretty good. That’s really all I’ve got to say. I’m glad to
see the (still) young queen step up her wardrobe beyond the sort of
cutesy, Pleasantville vibe that comes to mind when you think
of her. She can sing well, but just lacked a certain star presence. She seemed,
at best, like a runner-up on a singing competition. If she thinks this is going
to be what sets her apart, I hope she brought a plan B.
7.
Fans have been clamoring for Ongina to
return for All Stars for as long as there’s been an All
Stars. Unfortunately, I’m not sure expectations are matching reality. Right
out the gate, Ongina dropped the ball on both the mini and maxi challenge,
flopping on all her reads and delivering a so-so performance barely befitting
the mainstage. Ongina’s strength is her heart, so hopefully future challenges
will let that shine, because she’s not going to out dance and sing these other
girls.
8.
Well, maybe she can out-sing some of
them. Mayhem, for example. It’s like, not every queen needs to sing
their own track. It’s OK! Her loose-lipped performance left a lot to be desired
and should be a reminder to every girl: think twice before dropping that
single.
9.
I know India was this
week’s winner, but she doesn’t do it for me. I’m sorry! She’s trying to serve
glamour and sex, but there’s nothing glamorous or elegant or sensual about her.
She is all intensity and athleticism. Even her outfits don’t quite add up.
(Those black gloves and boots felt at odds with the neon-accented bodysuit, for
example.) Even her makeup is super severe. There is just a disconnect between
what she’s serving and what she’s selling. As a song, “Drag Is Not a Contact
Sport” wasn’t just low-hanging fruit, but dusted off the floor at the orchard.
She can DANCE, no doubt, but can she give you a show? I’m not so convinced.
10.
Oh, Derrick. I can’t say I’m
sad to see Derrick go, but to get so thoroughly trounced by a rival in the
first episode almost feels like a waste of such a polarizing queen. It feels
impossible to have kept Derrick after that ghastly massacre of the most hacky
celebrity impersonations delivered in under five minutes or whatever. Derrick
just has that energy of the guy that corners you at the party to tell you how
all his friends say he should do standup. (And I would know; I’m often that guy
myself.) What Derrick really needs is better friends, because someone should
have told her this didn’t work.
SOURCE: TOWLEROAD
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