There’s a common misconception that gay men can’t hold down a relationship or that they jump from boyfriend to boyfriend always looking for the next best thing. We of course know that’s not true. Many gay men are in long-term relationships, have civil partnerships or are married.
However, I find that the most common misconception about gay men when trying to establish relationships is the fact we lack communication skills. The lack of communication often comes down to us not telling each other how we feel and, in some cases, not being able to communicate the type of relationship we want.
Perhaps this is just a human trait. Where relationships are concerned it’s often hard to see the wood for the trees, especially when the trees are yelling at you in the kitchen because you didn’t empty the trash bin. I know that many of us lack the full education around same sex relationships and many things we are modeled after ‘traditional’ relationships.
A lack of community is often the reason we find it difficult to navigate our way out of difficult relationships or unable to resolve issues to save them. Perhaps it’s another inequality that we as gay men face and we should seek to change it.
You may be right. It might be a lack of community. But we are also socialized to not to show emotions and communicating our needs is seen as being fragile and therefore less 'manly'. The Marlboro Man mystique lives on.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
I think, based on my own personal experience, that gay men suffer from a need to adhere to societal, heterosexual norms when it comes to relationships. That is a huge mistake. Their standard model, monogamy, does not fit our lifestyle. We have this wonderful opportunity, because we are different and live differently, to create our own rules, our own norm. I frankly despise those who believe that one size fits all when it comes to relationships. And communication? That lack is based on fear - of rejection, of being labeled as weird, as being seen as strange. We need to get over that. We are ALL freeks. Fly that flag. I actually find that the biggest freeks are those trying to mimic hetero norms. That's like a duck deciding it absolutely MUST behave like a giraffe. Now, that's freeky.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I believe it's the society's fault. 🤷♂️
ReplyDeleteThe whole world still isn't accepting of gay love as love. If we lived in a world where it's not a different kind of love, there would be less, I repeat... less unhappy gays, those who commit suicide, those who die thanks to sexually-transmitted diseases and from attacks etc. So, because of the "man & woman can only be in love, get married and have kids" lifestyle, a lot of gays feel like they don't deserve it and they're freaks so they have to do it while hiding in dirty bathrooms with whoever has a tool between their legs like them.
It's sad, actually.
Everyone's worthy of being in a real relationship and be enough to someone and have someone who is enough. 💖 But hey, life will pass either way so, each to their own.