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I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Friday, December 12, 2014


Do you ever feel like your life is an embodiment of the game, “Kill-Fuck-Marry”?

For the select few who may have never had the honor of playing the ubiquitous game of “Kill-Fuck-Marry,” the rules go like this: You and a few of your cohorts name three individuals—either real or fictional—who, under whatever circumstance, you’d rather kill, f*ck or marry. Each of you takes turns stating your choices, assigning each of the three individuals one of the said options.
Fun stuff.

Now, how is this applicable to real life? Well, I don’t know about you, but at any given point it seems as though there is at least one guy I wish wasn’t breathing the sparse amount of good air left on this planet (Kill him!), one guy I’ve been crushing on for years who, at ANY time he wanted, could get it (Fuck him!), and finally the guy who is the prototype; you know, the one you want to take home to momma (Marry him!).

Of course, nothing is ever that simple.

Usually, life goes like this: The person I should want to kill is the person who could likely get me to drop my draws at their volition. The person I should probably be marrying is the person I hope drowns in quicksand because they’re overly persistent, and the person that you’re just sleeping with, but haven’t made your significant other is the person you should actually be calling wifey.
And so it goes.

Why is it that things are never as easy as we want them to be? If we parse each of the above scenarios I laid out, there usually is a method to our madness.

N*ggas ain’t Sh*t, but We Fall Victim to Their Sh*t

How many times have we lamented the fact that the guy who actually has our attention is nothing more than a glorified jerk? And, yet, we continually come back for more, seemingly with hopes to satisfy our inner masochist. Why is it that so many of us have a proclivity for emotionally unavailable individuals?

Nobody’s story is the same, but I think this is often the case of us not being able to reconcile optimism and realism. In other words, we know what we want, yet have a hard time eschewing what we want for what we really need. In a perfect world, the two would overlap, but as we know all too well, perfection comes in rare, often discrete doses.

Recognize, though, that the things (and guys) we don’t need are typically bountiful, and that it’s ultimately in our best interest to sift through the doo-doo.

I know, I know…easier said than done.

Say it with me: The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem…

Please Stop Texting Me…

We’ve all been here before. There’s a nice guy we met, gave our number to and subsequently wished that somebody had flown in and slapped the shit out of us before we decided to drop our digits. Alas, the latter didn’t happen and now we’re forced to stave off constant passes from someone whom we’d hope would get the Blu Cantrell treatment, and disappear.

The catch: on paper, these are usually the guys we should want, insofar as they have the “checklist” traits that we claim to want: good jobs, intelligence, stability, etc. Nevertheless, we still find castration a better alternative to getting with one of these guys. Why is this?

Oftentimes, many of us enjoy a game of cat and mouse—if it involves someone we want to catch us. But why wouldn’t we want one of these guys to catch us?

Sadly, I think most of us have a penchant for succumbing to our vices. After all, we’re human. Also, I hear a lot of guys equate persistence with lameness. OK, and yet we still gravitate to the douchebag that doesn’t care to see us with the lights on.

Masochism is real, you guys.

Friends with Benefits: Stuck in Neutral

Two guys really like each other. They thoroughly enjoy each other’s company, text each other constantly and couldn’t imagine not being a part of each other’s lives. Be that as it may, they haven’t made it “official,” nor are there any plans to take that leap in the foreseeable future. When their friends ask why they won’t just become an item, each of them doles out the typical tautologies:

“It is what it is.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

“Whatever happens, happens.”

Blah, blah and blah.

For at the end of the day, if two parties want to be together, they’ll be together. I’m sure few people would argue that the malignancy of being complacent. If shifting gears isn’t an option, perhaps it’s time for a new ride, both literally and figuratively speaking.

And if you know for a fact that you have something good, don’t let complacency ruin it.

If you don’t take advantage, somebody else certainly will.

Play the Game—Practice Makes Better

Kill-F*ck-Marry” may be a harmless game we all played back in high school or in the college dining halls, but I’d contest that there is quite a bit we can learn from this game. By no means am I espousing giving anyone the “Fatal Attraction” treatment (I’m not that crazy), condoning promiscuity or beseeching anyone to walk down the aisle next week. However, I think drawing some comparisons can help to put into perspective the roles we are allowing certain individuals to play in our lives.

They don’t call it the game of life for nothing.


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