¡DON'T BE A FOOD, WRAP YOUR TOOL!

Nothing says summer like copious amounts of sweaty sex. Equally so, nothing can ruin your summer quite like a horrible, itchy, rash that you’re stuck with forever and requires constant treatment— or you know, any STD really. With reports on death from meningitis on the rise in New York City, and signs everywhere pointing to the continuing spread of HIV around the globe, it only makes sense we reiterate in as colorful and sexy a way as possible the myriad benefits condoms offer.

In our eternal quest to promote safe (smart) sex, we’ve compiled a list of our top 10 favorite condoms, and let it be known, this has been one very hard week of “fact-checking” to make sure the list was just right.

1. Crown Skinless Condoms

To all of you condom-hating knuckleheads out there: This argument is getting old —“Oh, but sex is so much better without a condom.” First off, sex feels great, no matter what. And yes, we know bareback sex is fun as well. But if the only way you can truly achieve pleasure is by increasing both your and your random sex partner’s chances of coming down with something, you might want to rethink your sex life somewhat. Secondly, condoms such as Crown Skinless exist in the world and they are so thin, it’s just like having sex without one. If you don’t trust us, check any of the reviews online and see five-stars by the thousands.

2. Beyond Seven Aloe Enriched

We’ve all been here before: It’s the end of a long summer day at the beach. Your tequila hand has gotten heavier and heavier with each margarita. “Call Your Girlfriend” plays for the seventh time that night before your friends begin to clear out. You finally stumble over to your hubby of the moment and voraciously undress. Right before you’re about to, for lack-of-a-better-term, “dip it in,” you think to yourself, my penis is just too damn sunburnt for this — Well that’s a problem of the past! Beyond Seven Aloe Enriched condoms are made from Aloe Vera extract and contain four times as much lubricant as a regular condom to provide ultimate pleasure.

3. Lifestyle Fun Bumps

Imagine all the fun of bubble wrap combined with several hours of love making; designed with 420 raised studs, there is really no unsafe equivalent to the Lifestyle Fun Bumps condom. With such unique grooves, every single position and every single thrust offers a brand new sensation for you and your partner — ‘Nuff said, right?

4. Inspiral

When people talk about buying condoms, it’s usually about finding one that is the least like actually wearing a condom. The Inspiral condom is a perfect example of how a condom can surpass the pleasure of its unsafe option. Made with an expanded curve towards the tip, the condom creates an incomparable stimulating friction. So to all of you bare-backing engineers out there, just try and find a condom-less way to have sex with those results — Yeah, that’s what we thought.

5. Lifestyles Kiss of Mint

Here’s another scenario where the condom-less version just doesn’t compare. The Lifestyles Kiss of Mint condom offers both partners a tingling sensation sure to induce pleasure. And no, unprotected sex and a dab of icy-hot is definitely not a close second. Also, in dire circumstances, it’s not really the worst makeshift toothbrush around…

6.  Kimono MicroThin

For the Kimono MicroThin, we’ll just leave you with this image: Your genitals wrapped in the smoothest, silkiest kimono, that’s so thin, you could feel a feather land on it.

7. ONE Tantric Pleasure

Boy, do these babies kill two birds with one stone. The One Tantric Pleasure condom allows you to see what it would be like if you ended up getting that henna tattoo on your penis you thought about that one drunk night at the Jersey shore, while also offering an intensely unique pleasure from the raised patterns on the condom. And if you count preventing life-threatening diseases, that’s three birds really.

8. Origami Anal Condom

It’s fair to say that cloaking up one’s privates in latex is a fairly top-related issue, and we here at Queerty believe in equality for all. The bottom condom is made for easy insertion into the anus with an anchor to keep it in place. So to all you angry tops out there complaining about always having to wear a condom — Well first, shut up, because you’re still getting laid — and secondly, try the Origami anal condom.

9. Durex Tropical Flavors

Smelly crotches: Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without running into a few of them. But what to do? You could tell him to shower, but let’s be real, he won’t. So why not mask that stank with the smell of a tropical oasis? Durex Tropical Flavors condom comes in three tasty flavors including banana, strawberry and orange in the bright color of that fruit.

10. Magnum XL

For most people, a Trojan Magnum XL serves a greater purpose than safe sex. Leaving several of these condoms sporadically placed around your house, in all of your drawers, and on multiple tables and desks will lead to some great conversation starters with friends, as well as an instant ego boost. Also, you know if someone is using one of these then you are in for any extraordinary night; though chances are the next morning will be a little rough. In addition, Magnum XL condoms make for darling balloons at your next business function/orgy.

SOURCE: QUEERTY