I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Wednesday, June 6, 2012


Here are some basic things to
understand about cheating and monogamy:

•What is
considered "cheating" depends on the rules of the relationship

is something people usually say they want, but different people define it in
different ways

is not limited to gay men

So why do people cheat? You
sometimes hear men use the excuse that they were drunk and not thinking
straight, but that's just an excuse. According to psychologist Dr. Weston
Edwards there are reasons behind the behavior, and a recent journal article
identified four groups of reasons of why people have sex. Here's how he breaks
it down:


The guy is looking for some type of
physical payoff that he is not finding in his current relationship. This can
include simply getting off, but it can also be about seeking different
experiences. Another theme is that new person is physically desirable. Finally,
there are physical payoffs such as stress reduction or boredom.


In some cases, people have sex to
obtain a goal. Sexual behavior is a means to an end. This might be around
survival sex; "I need a place to live," for example. It can include
the "badge of honor" when a person can brag, "I had sex with
that hot guy." In some cases, it is about getting revenge. Finally, it can
be about getting resources such as money or drugs.

Emotional reasons

For many people, sexual behavior is
about love and commitment. It is the expression of intimacy shared between two
individuals. In our society, monogamy emphasizes this reason for having sex. So
then, the lack of a satisfying emotional relationship may lead to sexual
contact outside the primary relationship. To be fair, in some cases, having an
emotional connection isn't limited to monogamous sexual relationships, and you
will find plenty of men in so-called open relationships who do have emotional
connection and satisfaction.

Insecurity reasons

The final cluster of reasons people
have sex is around insecurity/self-esteem.

"I feel so insecure, I will
have sex with anyone."

"This hot guy wants me."

"I couldn't say no."

Those are the motivations, and when the right trigger
presents itself (being drunk, feeling neglected, or being angry with your
spouse) we act on it. Indeed, chances are good that you have been the cheater
as well. It may or may not have been while you were in a serious relationship,
but it could have been with a new guy who was aiming toward a more serious
relationship when you dabbled on the side. Maybe you've been the man who was
fine hooking up with someone in a relationship, ignoring that your actions
were in some way impacting the unseen partner in your affair.

So rather than asking why gay men
cheat, the real question is this: Why do you cheat?



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