DON’T FIGHT
THE FEAR - OWN IT!
The
psychologists say that if you try to fight the symptoms of the upcoming panic
attack, you can only make it worse. If you’ve experienced this overwhelming
feeling of extreme anxiousness before then you know you’re not going to die.
It’s just nerves. Give validation to your emotions and you’ll be surprised at
how much that insight can help you take the edge off the fear.
CONCENTRATE ON
A FAMILIAR OBJECT
In the medical
drama series The Good Doctor, Shaun, a brilliant young autistic surgeon, always
keeps in his pocket a toy surgical scalpel, which he'll start rubbing to calm
himself down every time he’s about to have a panic attack. It always works! The
guy has mastered one of the most effective techniques for fighting stress and
anxiety. Focusing on one particular familiar object will distract your thoughts
from the upcoming first date, and help you avoid a panic attack. Just do
yourself a favor and don’t choose as your totem object something huge or
inappropriate like a teddy bear, a framed picture of your mom, or a pair of
boxer shorts that belonged to your ex!
CHOOSE THE
PLACE YOURSELF
You may not
like to impose yourself on people, but for your own good, you must insist that
you pick the location where you meet for your first date. Таке him to a place
where you feel at ease, whether it’s the coffee shop you get your latte to-go
every morning, the small Italian restaurant where they serve a fantastic pasta
puttanesca or the gay bar “where everybody knows your name, and they’re always
glad you came.” A familiar place, just like the familiar object, will help you switch
from freaking-out mode to flirting mode.
DO NOT
OVERTHINK IT
If your date
is not some cold-blooded sociopath or one of those unscrupulous professional
daters, he, too, may be super nervous about meeting you. What you can do to
help yourself relax is get one or two drinks beforehand. What you can do to
help him relax is avoid reciting lines previously rehearsed in front of the
mirror. That’s not a school play, remember? And then, choose your topics
smartly. If the guy happens to be Jew, don’t start talking about the Holocaust
right away. If he mentions he’s been sick recently, don’t smother him with all
the conspiracy theories about the COVID virus that you’ve come upon on the
internet. Just keep it cool and casual. Here’s my best advice: be like the Brits
for a while and use the weather as an ice-breaker.
REDISCOVER
YOUR INNER QUEEN
Once, a
girlfriend of mine told me, “You know what, bitch, I spent too many years
praying the guys I'm dating would like me, and that we’d live happily ever
after. But I’m done with this shit. Now, when I go on dates I pray the fabulous
queen inside of me will like the guy.” Can I get an amen to that?
BE RATIONAL…
BUT NOT TOO RATIONAL
If none of the
above-mentioned tactics happen to work for you, and you still feel nervous as
hell, remember this: It will pass! Although the date turned out to be a
disaster, tomorrow everything will be back to normal… to your normal!
However,
there’s always a chance that tomorrow you wake up in bed together with your
date. And then nothing will feel “normal” ever again…
SOURCE: ANDREW CHRISTIAN
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