PREFERENCES & ETIQUETTE MUST GO HAND-IN-HAND

In the gay world, especially on apps and websites we have this phrase we use, “sorry, not my preference” and we feel like this magical phrase will eliminate all hurt and “OUCH” statements that precede it.  “I’m not into black guys…sorry just my preference” or “I’m not into fat slobs…don’t get mad, it’s just my preference”.  “Not into disgusting whores, sorry just not my preference” (which I find hysterical, considering their profiles…pot?  kettle? But I digress…)

In the end, we DO prefer certain things and there is no rule that we HAVE to have sex with someone just because they ask for it.  What a mess that would be!  Attraction is exactly that and it’s rarely something that we can control.  I do believe that many of us have a very narrow tunnel of attraction and if we opened our mind a little we could find ourselves attracted to men that we would normally have written off.  But this requires maturity and intelligence, and I don’t feel mean in saying that generally on hook up websites and apps those things aren’t a requirement.  It’s not bad, but it’s kind of cut-to-the-chase.  We’re there to hook up, so it eliminates a great deal of the dating, courting, getting to know you type stuff; that’s what they’re designed to do.  “Hey, wanna fuck?” “Sure do!” Ta-daaaaa, banging ensues, intelligence not necessarily required.

If I’m not attracted to someone, it’s okay.  There’s no rule that says I have to be.  It’s a hard truth, but I want to be attractive to every guy that’s out there and in reality…well, I’m not.  Some guys are attracted to me.  Some HOT guys are attracted to me; that’s always fun.  But more often than not the guys I drool over aren’t really that interested in banging.  You know what?  That’s okay.  They aren’t required to tell me I’m handsome.  They aren’t required to cater to my insecurities.  They aren’t required to have sex with me or to adhere to my own personal code of morals or etiquette.  And as irritating as that may be, I have to be realistic about my own image, my comfort level in how other people see me, and knowing that if I reach for the sun I could get toasty or I might get burned.

For all the beautiful, fit, muscled, hot guys out there, though…I challenge you to maintain a certain level of decorum.  You’re not required to sleep with anyone who gives you a compliment, but it does take a certain level of courage to push “send” when someone wants to say hi.  Self-awareness isn’t something we’ve all cultivated so it can be devastating when we get rejected.  I’m not saying to baby people…and I’m certainly not saying to fuck everyone.  But there’s a better way to let someone know you’re not interested than “fuck off you nasty queen!