I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Friday, May 18, 2012


written for a heterosexual audience, we can certainly adapt this information to
our gay partnerships as the following content illustrates issues that are
universal to all relationship styles. Hopefully you will find it useful as it
applies to evaluating your own relationship for maximizing its success.

Top 10
Reasons Relationships Work

10. “Our relationship is first…not third or fourth…”

9. “We’re able to compromise…”

8. “He acknowledges and validates me…”

7. “Humor…we know how to have fun…”

6. “We’re friends…”

5. “We accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses…”

4. “Everybody’s responsible and no one is to blame…”

3. “We have a healthy dependence/mutuality in our relationship…”

2. “We can disagree without attacking…”

1. “We’re able to really listen and communicate with each other…”

Top 10
Reasons Relationships Fail

10. “We’ve just grown apart…”

9. “We’re just not in love anymore…”

8. “He’ll never change…”

7. “I don’t have any emotions/feelings left…”

6. “All we do is fight…”

5. “There’s just too much resentment built up…”

4. “We can’t work out problems with children…”

3. “There’s no intimacy or ‘fire’…”

2. “I just can’t trust him…”

1. “We just don’t communicate…”

Tips For
Lasting Love

• Ability to solve problems

• Active listening

• Ability to express and validate feelings and needs

• Personal responsibility

• Love and romance

• Friendship

• Forgiveness

‘Gay’ To The Mix

While there are some universal elements to relationships, we gay couples have
our own unique and special challenges and benefits to live through that are
different than other relationship styles. In fact, we have added burdens and
obstacles to overcome living in a homophobic society to make our relationships
succeed in the long-term. And because of the multitude of barriers and
stressors we face, we are in a better position to experience higher-level
feelings of intimacy because of the shared experiences and resilience we have,
but only if we can muster up the courage to push forward during those difficult
times as a united front. The rewards of growing, learning, and changing as a
couple are great!

additional factors that I might add to the list for making relationships work
that are more specific to gay men in a couple include:

• Having solid self-esteem and
comfort with being gay

• Both men being at the same
level of “outness”; and the more “out”, the better to allow for more openness,
relaxation, and honesty in all environments

• Having a support system of
people who honor, value, and validate the men’s relationship as a gay couple

• Each man having his own
individual identity, as well as commitment to a relationship identity to allow
for more balance and vitality

• Having a clear agreement
about monogamy vs. non-monogamy in one’s relationship and having an
understanding of what that means and looks like and abiding by that faithfully

• Recognition that
relationships take effort and work

• Having a shared vision for
the future as a couple

• And most importantly, as in
all relationships, communication is key! Productive conflict resolution is
critical! Honesty is a must! The ability to be flexible is also important.

This article merely scratches the surface of what constitutes a healthy
relationship. There are many ingredients that go into creating a successful partnership,
but the topics discussed here provide you with a basic foundation of what’s
most needed to get you on the right track. What’s important is that each couple
defines for themselves what works best for them and what happiness and
fulfillment would look like for them. The above skills will help promote a
working atmosphere to help the two of you co-pilot the type of relationship
you’re seeking. Identify your strengths and weaknesses as a couple from the
tips and craft a plan for making things even better between the two of you.
Society desperately needs to see healthy gay couples functioning in successful
relationships. Could you be a role model as gay partners if you choose? If so,
let us all share the wealth and wisdom with each other as a community, to learn
from each other on what it takes! Cheers to your relationship success!



Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

- Aristotle


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