I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Yesterday I was having a chat with Ian a.k.a. Darktomahawk on host of topics and one of them were on THUGS. I said my piece we both agreed on a few things and that was that…Fast-forward to an hour or so later, a friend of mine paid me a visit and he brought along a friend of his (unannounced I might add) and this blog entry is about him. So I put my annoyance aside and exercised etiquette and I soon realized that he was a confused individual that fancies himself as the type of man any man OR woman would want to get with. This man calls himself a Bi-sexual THUG that is down for whatever…He doesn’t have a job, he is rehab for drug use, he smokes weed and MOST of all he ONLY cares about his needs AND wants…His confidence was something to be hold, but after a few questions and observations, I noticed that his cavalier persona started to crack despite the fact that he tried to be indifferent. And it was then that I realized that it didn’t’ matter if I was feeling him because he knows there will be someone that will. So tell how exciting AND adventurous can man like this be when he has no sense of a good future? He reminds me of this one guy that wanted me to F&CK him so badly…He would call OR text me constantly. Now I would have indulged his fantasy, but I couldn’t because he has this notion that since I am not girlie (his words) that he has no problem rolling with me (again his words) he just couldn’t let a feminine man get his goods. Now I understand this internalized homophobic bullshit, but I can’t accept that this type of thinking…I don’t know about you guys, but I know that a man is man NO matter how you try to slice N’ dice him…So to take on a man that thinks of himself as a GOD among we gay men is such a shame in my book. If one were to look @ Wikipedia’s definition of a THUG, they would see that a THUG is a person, often a criminal, who treats others violently and roughly; this type of person is often a member of a gang. I fail to see the intrigue of man that stood before me AND I couldn’t fathom him getting with me despite his NOT so subtle advances. Meeting him made me wonder, how much is too much AND when is enough really enough? How many more of us will consider him the pot of gold @ the end of the rainbow? How long will we grant him sanctuary as he tells us to MAN UP with every stroke of his dick? I find it SO sad that we allow men like him to dehumanize some of us for mimicking Beyonce instead of 50 cent. But what is even sadder is the fact that some of us play apart in this wretched choice of a cat on a hot tin roof…Talk about jumping off OR burning…what a life this is huh? But who is the blame for this? I remember being thirteen and my uncle telling me that he would KILL me I grew up to become a sissy. So are these men simply taking on a persona that would keep them from such intimidations? I get that the being called a sissy OR gay is a UNIVERSAL device used to terrorize men into upholding an acceptable presentation of his gender, but to assert one’s masculinity and suppress their feminine side while trying to dominate those seen as less than is just too left of the middle for me. However, the connection is clear for me…From boys to men, our obsession with homosexuality is not just about a homophobia, although that is an inseparable element. Do you think that our crippling masculine anxieties cultivates fear AND disdain of women and all things feminine? I ask this because if we were to validate the link between homophobia and masculinity, and our belief that women, and by extension homosexual men, are inferior, we need look no further than the messages we transmit to boys…don’t we? In a patriarchal society rooted in the belief of male superiority and the exercise of male dominance, that is a demotion, a huge loss not only of status, but humanity. Gay men are HATED because they are seen as gender traitors for undermining the universal rules of patriarchy not matter how masculine they may be. Hence the THUG who lives among permanently AND irrevocably stained, he is a pure example of how difference and diversity are not respected in this world. So we MUST intervene to save our boys from a lifelong patriarchal crusade to control boys who are seen as not hard enough…BECAUSE WHAT I WITNESSED YESTERDAY IS THE CONSEQUENCES OF TELLING LITTLE BOYS TO MAN UP! WHEN A MAN HAS A PROBLEM WITH ANOTHER MAN BECAUSE HE IS SEEN AS FEMININE ARE WE GOING TO CONTINUE TO PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE OR ARE WE GOING TO SEE OURSELVES AS MEN NO MATTER WHERE WE ARE ON THE MASCULINE & FEMININE SPECTRUM?


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