I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Sunday, October 8, 2006


I don't know if I ever told you that I have this yearning for a HUSBAND & CHILDREN? Yes some believe that it's crazy and some think it's wonderful, but the strange thing is that I don't believe that I will ever fulfill my dream of a family. Most men here are not serious about themselves let alone me and children. Honestly though I can't say that I blame them, this path is hard and dealing with personal issues on top of that my dream seems just that…A DREAM! Here in this country things are pretty much decided by a group of 'BIBLE CARRYING ASSHOLES' that feel the need to shove GOD's belief down our throats. These beliefs certainly cannot be from GOD because if GOD is LOVE he wouldn't and couldn't want me to live a life in peril when he knew what I was going to become before I came. The sad truth is that very few of us are free from religious control or label constraints, thus leaving very few individuals in my opinion feeling the need to want a family. And unfortunately, it will take a strong MAN to rise above the feelings and notions that his life is irrelevant. Watch how fast homophobia diminishes when we stop subjecting ourselves to religious abuse. Watch how the respect for one another increases with the disassociation to labels. And lastly, watch how fast when we love ourselves we will feel a need to share that with others on permanent bases in finding a MATE and creating CHILDREN with HIM. How am I suppose to find a MAN that wants the life I want if most of us were taught from the beginning that homosexuality was a "sin" and simply an abomination? And although some may argue that they simply ignore it, the simple fact is that we didn't choose to feel how we feel. We were placed in this world, we didn't make it and now we are expected to abide by some rules? How foolish of you not to believe that someone like me would come along and rise above your rules? Talk about brainwashing, I wouldn't allow someone to spit in my face and I still say to myself that you LOVE me. FUCK THAT MY INDEPENDENCE ISN'T LOST AND I DON'T LACK A REAL IMAGE OF MYSELF, I AM NOT CRAZY TO BELIEVE THAT WHAT I FEEL IS INVALID AND THAT THE FAMILY I WANT I WON'T GET. BUT ODDLY ENOUGH I KNOW THAT THEY ENVY US...But what of us is there to envy? Could it be the fact that we possess the power of GOD's wisdom and we have to go inward to come outwards? Could it be that we are a striving group of people that won't settle for scraps? Or simply could it be that you are so filled with hatred that you cannot conceive the notion that if GOD allows it, then it must be for a reason? I know that I would make a great HUSBAND & FATHER, I already have my kids name picked and I know what kind of future I want them to have. I will be the father my father wasn't, I will be the mother my mother is; but I am planning for my family and I don't have to pray to GOD for them because I know that they exist already in my heart so it's just a matter of time for them to place me in 'THE GAY FAMILY WAY.' I HAVE TO STAY THE COURSE NOT MATTER HOW BLEAK THINGS SEEM, I KNOW THAT THE TRUE TEST OF MAN IS WHEN HIS INTEGRITY AND BELIEFS ARE TRIED. I SAY TRY ME, TEST ME I AM YOUR GUINEA PIG...NO MATTER WHAT YOUR OUTCOME IS, YOU CAN'T HOLD BACK THE DAMN INSIDE OF ME!


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