I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Thursday, March 10, 2011


Whether one chases away, or runs from the ‘fears of love and intimacy’, it’s bad for love and romance. Chasing after love while not finding the love of self is like shooting for the moon without the proper vehicle to get one there and back, coupled with the personal preparation necessary to stay alive. Having a desire to have the ‘romance’ of movies and novels while being only prepared to ‘hoe’ it through life on intellect and unresolved inner stuff, is like running in place in a marathon.

Turning fear into love is to ‘romance fear away’. Ignorance of accepting fears within is to solidify one’s missing the continuing joys and bliss of love’s charms. Love is reluctant to hang out where distractions are in whatever form they may be. Love comes in invisible levels from biological, mental, emotional, to the aware spiritually.  Choosing to remain on one of those levels at the expense of the others is to have ‘broken wing’ love that always is haunted by an inner desolation and fear of missing.

What if you had to choose between just love or outer success? What if one day you awoke and felt that you had neither with no change on the horizon? The ‘wise’ choose love while not avoiding whatever feels like success without ignoring ‘love as the greatest success’. Tomorrow begins today, for ‘tomorrows are hopeful illusions’. The negative ‘past tomorrows’ that cling to the present are anything but a gift without finding the love within at this moment. Time is an illusion. Transform into the ‘now’, NOW!

Choose a pathless path upward into love, while rejecting and casting out the ‘stones that are harbored in the heart and mind’. To be free is to not live in condemnation of the past that can’t be changed but for unattaching that which lurks in one’s being. Any negativity has no end but in releasing the love that is kept in the dark.  Finding love on the outside is temporary even if found when first it’s not found within.  Romancing the self is to unattach to all inner fears of love’s closeness.  Real love is too shy to be with fears that turn all opportunities into infinite forms of rejection.  Love is a marathon, not a ‘race around the block’. Romancing self perpetuating love is the fuel that creates a new kind of marathon of love. It’s never too late to ‘romance the love within’! 


Is it hard to believe that a gay man cannot cheat? This blog entry is a continuation of a blog entry that I wrote a while back..(soft of) I ask this question because a good female friend of mine made me question myself about this when she asked if I was cheating on Noel. Now before I get into why she asked me that let me say that I have NO desire to know what anyone else is like sexually, emotionally or anything that pulls me away from what I have with Noel. Shit I can’t even have a proper dream about f&cking someone else, for some odd reason I can’t complete the deed and I wake feeling like shit until I come to realize it was just a dream, but I digress. My friend asked me this question because last week I went to lunch with a friend of mine they don’t know and she feels that gay men are VERY promiscuous (her words). Now I can understand her question because one never really know what goes on in a relationship with two people, but I can’t help but feel a bit hurt because for all the praise Noel and I get for our relationship from her, how can my going to one little lunch with a friend make her think I am cheating on Noel?

If there is ANYTHING about me people should know, they should know that I am not the type of man that put up fronts for others. If I want to f&ck someone else, I would do it and NOT involve Noel in it! I get that when we have been hurt, we tend to make statements that generalize an entire community and it is EXTREMELY difficult to isolate each incident of infidelity. However the ‘all men are liars, all women are cheaters and all gay men are cheaters’ mantra doesn’t work for me. How did the expectation of cheating become the norm? Should I ask her to hold Noel and I accountable OUR actions and NOT beat us with the same stick she uses for ALL gay me? After all, cheating is sadly a universal trait that is not specific to sexual orientation and I feel that people like her need to STOP making assumptions that all or most gay men are cheaters and/or liars. 


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