Mother, father, sister,
brother, aunts, uncles…these words send a low current of guilt through many of
us. They bring memories of our last, dramatic days of living at home and how very
far away life has taken us. When I think of this, I think of my own family, are we close? NO! Do we communicate? Somewhat…I
do know that I have a better understanding of my family and my place within
that. When I left home after being dragged out of the closet, I now wonder: Did I leave because of my destiny or did I
flee? I can now say the truth it is a little of both. I know that I would
have DIED had I stayed but, I do wonder did I abandon them, or did they
abandon me? After all, I was the one that ‘changed’, I was the one that was ‘different’, and I was the one that was ‘going against god’s plan for me.’
Family is important, and I know
I kept my distance for a LONG time out
of some deep shame, as if it would simply be better for all concerned if I
stayed away. Or perhaps it was pre-emptive. Who knows for sure, it isn’t an
easy venture trying to figure out who you are while you are trying to be
yourself. Through my journey I collected a few friends here and there, and I
even accept catch phrases like “we choose
our own families” because maybe it’s true. And then again, I now wonder: was I comforting myself with substitutes?
No comments:
Post a Comment