BETHEGENERATION

A PEOPLE IGNORANT OF THEMSELVES ARE A PEOPLE HEADED FOR DISASTER

Amos N. Wilson

...YOU UNDERSTOOD

you have cradled me

you have taught me

you have made me bawl …made me guffaw

in and through you i bore witness to the highest of luminary and the darkest of the human experience

your volatile nature has matured me

your stunning beauty has enthralled me into drunken stupor

your lessons have resonated within me

…i

…i

i have keeled over in laughter with you

- orgasmed fiercely in you…

- cried around and for you

- celebrated and lifted you – yes, defended you

- i have awakened in you

- my spirit has found calm in you

- my spirit has feared in you

- taught and learned because of you

you are notorious

you are intriguing

you are rebellious and hypocritical

you are pure, unraveled and exuberant

you are excess while you are deprived

you have birthed stars …stars and vagabonds

you allow the lesser to govern you

you have over trained me for my journey and it’s time we part ways …ebb and flow dictate that i leave when the suck is strained – alas other honey flows abundantly for me – elsewhere  – i release you with a keen knowingness, servitude and awareness  - i have offered you my best and have subjected you to my worst - we have served each other [se anulan mutuamente] …i have changed you as you have changed me – even in this (even in this) …i would do you all over again …i would do you with increased awareness, passion, zeal and-and lust …you cater to that which is hedonistic

…you embrace and reward

- flare

- passion

- fire

- grander

- the dominant

…you quell the less evolved - euthanize the dying and hold the dreams of the weak in fine balance – i have watched many leave you only to laud you at a distance …their passion and allegiance is unmatched but …from a distance …i now join their ilk

‘ yard’, ‘jamdown’, ‘jamrock’, ‘paradise’  JAMAICA - you will always live in me!

Namaskar ~ 

kirkland/2010

THE WEIGHT OF COMPETITION...

Normally after a trip to the gay club, I ALWAYS leave with SO many things to blog about (that will come later). I came across this article and thought it had a VERY interesting point. ABSORB & SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!

The drive among women and homosexual men to lose weight comes more from a competitive instinct than a personal one, new research suggests.

The study, published in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour, found that a natural competitive instinct forces people to compare themselves with those who are more successful than them. And in a society that equates thinness with youthfulness and attractiveness, competing against someone successful often means losing weight.

Researcher Norman Li told New Scientist magazine that the effect is likely evolutionary since western civilizations tend to gain weight as they age.

Li said that, evolutionarily speaking, it would have been good to remain young and nubile-looking as long as possible to attract mates.

"These findings support the idea that the ultimate explanation for eating disorders is related to intrasexual competition," the study reads.

Interestingly, the effect was cancelled out for straight men and lesbian women, though no reason for the anomaly was offered in the study.

SOURCE: THE SUDBURY STAR

¿WHAT WOULD MISS PIGGY SAY?

THE SIGN

"The Sign" is a 1993 dance-pop song by the Swedish band Ace of Base. The song was an international hit, reaching Number two in the United Kingdom and spending six non-consecutive weeks as number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in the United States. (It was the first single to have two distinct runs at #1 since Men at Work's "Down Under" in 1983; the 582-week gap between their second runs is the longest such in Billboard history.) It was on an album calledHappy Nation in most of the world, but The Sign in North America.

The song was the #1 song of 1994 according to Billboard magazine's year-end charts. The song was ranked at #51 on The Billboard Hot 100 All-Time Top Songs for the first 50 years of the Hot 100 chart.^[1]

The song has been covered by The Mountain Goats, and was also heavily featured in the fifth season finale of American Dad!, "Great Space Roaster".

The music video of the song features the pop group singing amidst romantic and frolic images; "The Sign" was depicted as an ankh and a djed. The music video is directed by Mathias Julin.

Amid the images is a little story of a man and woman sitting side by side until the man leaves, seemingly abandoning the woman. However, he comes back with a rose and offers it to the woman. The woman graciously accepts and takes his hand. However, a bright light shines in the woman's face, drawing her away, abandoning the man and dropping the rose on the chair.

TSA REGULATIONS & ETIQUETTE FOR THE GAY MALE TRAVELER

In lieu of the Thanksgiving holiday, everyone seems to be complaining about the Transportation Security Administration's pat downs or nudie body scans. But let's face facts:

1) If you're a fit or hung (or both) gay guy you want as many people to see you in that X-ray as possible.

2) Getting a pat down can be loads of fun!

So in that spirit of holiday sharing, Gay.com's crack editorial team developed some sexy suggestions for gay behavior if you're traveling through an airport security check this weekend.

Start by maneuvering your way into the line with the hunkiest TSA agent.

•Moaning and grunting during pat down may be hard to control, but please refrain from addressing airport security as "Daddy."

•Various piercings and metal body jewelry may trigger sensors and initiate the pat down process. We recommend an 0 gauge frenulum ring.

•While tight clothing may be visually appealing when cruising in a crowd, it lessens the need for hand-to-body security checks. Try no underwear and loose linen slacks for a tactile surprise!

•C-rings are both an overkill and a disappointment to any man who realizes that bulge is being assisted.

•If, during pat down, cardio-vascular congestion should ensue, a modest shrug and a lightly whispered, "A thousand pardons," will suffice.

•If the officer is enjoying the process as much as you are, request a private room to continue the examination.

•If you tend toward quick-rising reactions or pre-sex emissions, reconsider the linen pants.

SOURCE: GAY DOT COM

¡HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I'D LIKE TO WISH ALL OF MY BROTHERS N’ SISTERS WHO LIVE IN – OR WHO IS FROM THE USA A VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I SINCERELY HOPE YOU GET TO ENJOY IT TO THE FULLEST!

¿WHAT DIVA INSPIRES YOU?

Why do we love the divas that we love? Is it their struggle, grit, smooth air or fierce attitude?

Whatever the reason, our divas carry us through tough times before coming out, all around man troubles and beyond life's surprises. They bring us laughter and joy just when we need reminding that life's troubles can be taken to the runway, the highway, or in Angela Bassett's case, to a can of kerosene.

Michael Montlack's Lambda Literary Award nominated anthology My Diva: 65 Gay Men on the Women Who Inspire Them features personal essays of gay writers about the women in their lives who inspired them. What diva inspires you?

SOURCE: RAYMOND'S GAY LIFE BLOG 

¡NO RIGHT TO SLEEP!

I have no right to sleep as long as the people are not masters of their own destiny - Patrice Lumumba Congo My Country

LET'S TALK ABOUT THE "MAN-SHAKE"

According to Urban Dictionary a MAN-SHAKE is described as: A very masculine handshake, using a lumberjack-strength squeeze and a swift, firm up and down pumping action. Now you would think that all this man-on-man action would be easy for me, but it is not! When I go to the barber or meet a hetero-male and we greet each other, I just extend my hand to meet his and let him do all the work. I mean c’mon I don’t the rituals of hetero-men, all I know is that when I greet a homosexual male, we hug or give each other huge greetings. Now I have to deal with the MAN-SHAKE as if we don’t have enough things to deal with as gay men.

Do you remember the days when saying hello to another man was easy? “Hello john.” Oh hello Peter.” Then they shake hands ensuring that the conversation was about to take place. Then one day, someone somewhere decided that a simple handshake wasn’t working OR they wanted to confused gay men like me and as a result we have the evolution of the MAN-SHAKE. I wish I knew who decides these things. Moreover I wish they’d create some sort of instruction manual because, one day we are shaking hands and the next we are doing a version of a secret handshake that we did as little boys.

The MANY different versions of the MAN-SHAKE confuse me, because just when I think I know it, they go and change it! So much for a gay man assimilating huh? The problem I find with MAN-SHAKE(S) is that NO ONE knows which version they are going to get and it makes things VERY awkward. I don’t know about you, but it is VERY awkward when someone wants to do all the maneuvers they do and all you want to do is merely give them a simple handshake. From where I am standing, the MAN-SHAKE looks ridiculous to me, but I guess that is accepted because we live an awkward world. Thankfully we have started moving towards the “fist bump.”  After all, aren’t we gay men EXPERTS @ fisting N’ bumping? 

WORLD AIDS DAY 2010

SO I GOT THE FOLLOWING E-MAIL FROM A CO-WORKER OF MINE:

Hello All,

We continue our AIDS Awareness campaign and hope that you will be able to participate in one of the following events.

World AIDS Day Events 2010

1. Nov 20th Red Ribbon Ball, Atlantis Resort, $200.00/person, contact Melanie

    Hutchinson, Colina Ins., 308 East Bay Street, 396-2160

2. Nov 26th T-shirt Day, t-shirts on sale at AIDS Foundation office, $10.00, 325-9326

3. Nov 27th Fun Run /Walk, 6:30am, Arawak Cay to Goodman’s Bay back to Arawak

    Cay, registration $15.00 (includes t-shirt and red wrist band), Registration Forms, contact 325-9326.

4. Nov 29-Dec 3rd, “Combating HIV/AIDS through a Culture of Reading”, all Grade 6

    students throughout the Bahamas will have read to them by Guest Readers) or will read

    the same book “Under the Calabash Tree”. Interested in being a Guest Reader? Contact

    the AIDS Foundation office 325-9326.

5. Wednesday Dec 1st (World AIDS Day)  Human Red Ribbon, Clifton Heritage NationalPark, 9:30am,

6. Wednesday Dec 1st (World AIDS Day)  Church Service, Sacred Heart, Shirley Street,1-2pm

...& THIS WAS HIS RESPONSE:

Sacred heart is holding "Gay Day" Mass!..............that's my church for those of you who do not know!

The horror of it all!

WHAT SHOULD MY RESPONSE BE?

¡AIN'T NOTHING LIKE THE REAL THING!

Often in our lives, we fall prey to the idea of a thing rather than actually experiencing the thing itself, and when it comes to religion, I feel like this holds true. I often wonder how persons can ‘speak in tongues’ then use that VERY same tongue to spew hate @ another person. I LOVE how the pursuit of God is laden with SO much pomp and pageantry that does NOT lead those involved to an authentic experience of him/her.

I am of the opinion that a spiritual connection with a higher being is identifiable by the way it makes us feel and it should feel GOOD! I believe that this feeling should bring a peaceful quality that penetrates to the core; touching persons in ways they didn’t they could be touched. A TRUE spiritual experience activates the inner being, filling the host with warmth and light. It does NOT ask for its host to HATE, BASH or FORCE others into being like them! Pity that they would say come as you are, NO changes required yet…

I just hope that one day, ‘religious’ folk would get that when people truly connect to a higher being, it awakens a spirit in them that has NO place for anything other than LOVE! Religious folk merely show me that what they seek outside of themselves is a mirror image of the spirit within; and I JUST LOVE how religion has SO uniquely armored itself against criticism, questioning, and self-correction. I LOVE it even more how this armor protects it against the reality checks that act, to a limited degree and in the long run, to keep evil in check. I believe that WITHOUT religion, we can indeed TRULY become spiritually aligned  with that divine being. 

12th ANNUAL TRANSGENDER DAY OF REMEMBRANCE (TDOR)

“Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it”

-George Santayana

The quote is found on the homepage of the Transgender Organization’s site and all over informational materials pertaining to the 12th Annual International Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR).

Supporting organizations across the globe are holding candlelight vigils, seminars and workshops dealing with LGBT issues, film screenings, live concerts, dinners and other events to raise awareness and commemorate the transgendered victims who have suffered from hate crime and prejudice.

This day is held in November to honor Rita Hester,  whose murder on November 28th, 1998 was the start of the “Remembering Our Dead”web project – Rita’s murder (like many other murders of transgender people) has yet to be solved.

To see a full listing of organized events in your area, visit www.transgender.org.

¿AGREE OR DISAGREE?

"If the present generation of whites would study their own race in the light of their true history, they would be anti-white themselves." Elijah Muhammad

¿WHO IS DOING THE WORK?

I GOT THIS E-MAIL & I THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE IT WITH YOU GUYS:

The
population of this country is 300 million.

160
million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the
work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal
government.

Leaving 20 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied
with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.

Which leaves 17.2
million to do the work.

Take from that total the 15.8
million people who work for state and city
Governments. And that
leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given
time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. 

Leaving
1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people
in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and…

GET BUSY! 

¿IS IT HUMAN NATURE TO BE NEGATIVE?

Our perception of humanity as a whole is, to a large extent, twofold. We paint people with a broad brush…some are like us, sharing our opinions and our attitudes, while others are different. The thoughts we choose to embrace is often so strong that we are easily convinced that our way is the right way. Every human being has been blessed with a unique nature that cannot be altered by outside forces, but I find myself sometimes wondering if that is REALLY the case! What makes an individual feel SO strongly about something/someone they don’t know? I base this question on fact that we humans praise celebrities, athletes, clergy men and the like, but moment they do something or is attached to something that fails…Doesn’t it almost feel like we are too happy when failure finds these people?

I get that the potential we see in the people will NEVER be precisely the same as our own, and I know that it would appear that I am doing persons that throw hate a minute before giving adoration a disservice because I am making assumptions without knowing the reason for it…nonetheless, my negative feeling comes from a place of seeing the good while acknowledging the bad. The reasons we behave this way are numerous, but I believe that the sum total of who we are will NEVER compare to what we do or don’t do. I get that our understanding of life will FOREVER be limited, but I believe that humanity lies in our ability to accept others for all their failures AND successes. We can love/hate people for who they are, embrace their uniqueness, or we can love them as human beings from afar. We don’t have to relish in another’s pain do we?  

After all aren’t our emotions that are SO often linked to the chatter we have in our mind about people does NOT always represent their current state of being? I find that the more we listen to these thoughts, the more we swing between conflicting ideas of what is success AND failure, what is positive AND negative in this world. But I do believe that we can keep ourselves grounded, all we have to do is acknowledge AND release the success/failure of others into the care of the universe. We can never know all the circumstances that may have led them there, so taking it personal on either level isn’t good for us. And though it may seem difficult OR foolish, it is important to see the good in all as there are blessings in every aspect of our reality. So the next time someone has some success/failure be it friend OR a stranger (celebrity), take the time to look inside yourself, find the mirror and the reason you feel the way you do.

NO FEMS, NO QUEENS...

I KNOW THAT WE'VE HEARD THIS BEFORE, BUT SOMETHING ABOUT THIS PROFILE ON A4A JUST STRUCK ME! I COULD HELP BUT WONDER IF IN THIS MAN'S MIND IF HE THOUGHT THAT FEMININE MEN AREN'T REAL PEOPLE...WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? IS THIS PROFILE A PURE EXAMPLE OF WHAT IS WRONG WITH US/OR IS HE MERELY EXPRESSING WHAT HE WANTS FROM THIS SITE?


Love.. Like you've never been hurt

29, 1.75m, 82kg, 87.9cm , Athletic, Black Hair, Some Body Hair, Black, Looking forFriendship. 

Hey guys what's up! I am looking for real down to earth peps to chat and or chill with ... Fems, liars, queens stay away... I am a lover of good music, great conversation, and good people... If you are in search of true friendship and who knows what else could happen hit me up... I will leave you with a few words that describe my life in a nutshell: I've been so many places in my life and time; I've sung alot of songs; I've made some bad rhymes; (contd..)

I've acted out my life in stages; with ten thousand people watching; But we're alone now! and...

Casual, Smoke No, Drink Socially, Drugs No, 

Versatile, HIV Negative,

¿WHAT IS IT ABOUT McDONALDS & BLACK AMERICANS?

So I am watching the other day and a commercial came on, it was McDonald's Ad. Now I've many over the years, but something hit me, WHY DOES mcDONALD'S ALWAYS FEATURE BLACK AMERICANS? But I have to give it to the fine folks @ McDonald’s; in these trying economic times, they prove their marketing savvy by creating some of the most catchy, stereotypical commercials to keep Black folks coming back for more McRibs and Fruit & Yogurt Parfaits[1]. Case in point is the latest installment in their “R&B McNuggets” series, which combines three things Negroes simply can not resist: Chicken, R&B Music, and Lightskinnded Women. Witness this…

This is one of the stupidest commercials I have ever seen. Why are these people singing about McNuggets? Do black people sing about everything? This chicken seduction is over the top even for MickieDs. Tell me what you think? Don't commercials like this FURTHER segregate the black community in America by portraying McDonald's as the the next place after the barbershop and beauty salon to be? 

"WORK-OUT" WITH NELLY

SO I AM IN THE BARBER SHOP YESTERDAY & THE AD CAME ON FOR NELLY'S NEW WORK-OUT DVD. NOW I DIDN'T THINK MUCH OF IT UNTIL THE MEN IN SHOP STARTED HATING ON THE AD SAYING THINGS LIKE WTF? & WHO IS THIS REALLY FOR ? THEY ALL CHIMED IN SAYING, 'WHAT MAN IS GOING TO BUY A DVD WITH NELLY BAREBACK ON THE COVER?' SO THAT GOT ME TO THINKING, THIS VIDEO IS OBVIOUSLY FOR MEN & IF THE 'STRAIGHT' MEN IN THE BARBER SHOP HAD A PROBLEM SUPPORTING HIM, WHO IS HE MARKETING HIMSELF TO? OF COURSE THEY WERE QUICK TO POINT OUT THAT ONLY SOFT MEN WOULD SUPPORT HIM. DO YOU AGREE? DO YOU THINK THE MEN IN THE BARBER SHOP HAVE A POINT? WHY OR WHY NOT?

¡PRAYER ISN'T ASKING!

Prayer is affirmation of the positive. Prayer needs no words, and is not from the mind. Praying that ‘our football team is going to win’ is pure nonsense hyperbole! Praying for the enemy is as valid as praying for your own victory. Inconsequential! Belief is a bastardization of ‘knowing what you know’. Prayer that comes out of belief is at best ‘cute’, or a sadly misplaced use of a very powerful method to filter out the negative so the positive can flow freely in.

Man, since the beginning, has lived on imagination and illusion. Pundits came along, perhaps with good intentions, and created a ‘god in the sky’, Lord, messiah, or whatever name to corral the believers, otherwise known as sheep for the controlling shepard, to make sense of chaos and fear. Teddy bears bring warmth, and a sense of love to the childlike mind, but do not serve to open the being to the ‘closeness of real love’ later. An invisible ‘daddy’ ultimately serves nothing but to distance one from the beauties of reality. 

To be thankful and grateful from the heart for all that existence provides is being prayerful. Wishing or visualizing something to occur as you desire it is not prayer. Sending love from the heart to someone with no expectation of confirmation is to exercise the purity of prayer. Prayer is the focusing of love into a possible crystallization of it’s power. 

Prayer is listening to god or the ‘godliness of existence’, and not asking god to listen to you! If you have something to say to god, a simple ‘yes or thank you’ is enough. My favorite meditation, after which the Center here is called is ‘the sacred yes’. Saying yes to everything without ignoring the negative. 

In the silence of the mind, the benediction of prayer can arise. Religions have created the stupid notion that we can say something to God. One of many ‘idiot techniques’ for the gullible to rely on them as their ‘spokesman for god’, even though rare is the one who can verbalize what this ‘god’ is. Be free of chatter and listen to the godliness of the universe to connect with the clear inner voice of wisdom. Hearing the divine voice within you is to be reborn as the highest expression of who you are. Be thankful and grateful! 


SOURCE: ARHATA

HOLD ON

"Hold On" was the debut single from En Vogue's debut album Born to Sing. "Hold On" was also the groups first single, reaching number one on the Hot Black Singles chart ^[2]. The single became one of 1990's biggest hits in the US and a major hit also in the UK (#2 in the US, #5 in the UK). It also reached #1 on the U.S. Dance chart ^[3]. The song opens with an acappella rendition of the Motown standard "Who's Lovin' You", written by Smokey Robinson and originally recorded by his group, The Miracles. It features Cindy Herron on lead but Terry Ellis on the introduction. The song also contains a guitar sample from "The Payback" by James Brown.

They performed this song at the 2008 BET Awards along with Alicia Keys

The song's chorus was used and performed by Pharrell in the 2007 Jay-Z song "Blue Magic".

AS IT SHOULD BE...

Life is double-sided; there’s a wrong side and a right side; a sad side and a happy side. There’s a good side and a bad side; a black side and a bright side. So when things seem dark to me, I just change my thoughts about; and I’ve come to see that life looks quite different if you turn it best side out. We face today an unprecedented set of problems in the world; and we stand @ the abyss, as the steadily approaching threshold of unimaginable chaos, calamity, death and destruction finds us one by one. I do believe that there exists a lasting solution to these issues facing us. This solution came to me via Bishop Carlton Pearson and he said, “I think the universe it not judging, but correcting itself and we're having to confront these issues."

This AH HA MOMENT made me realize that EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD IS AS IT SHOULD BE! Each of us has a role to play, from the criminal to the new born baby, we are MORE than capable of helping the world, despite our fears, limitations and the uncertainty that holds us back. We need to do away with the commonly accepted notion that it is impossible to make a difference without unlimited funding or free time when most healing, cleansing, and spreading of joy is accomplished in a matter of minutes. The universe is correcting itself everyday in EVERY way and as I often tell folks, ‘do what should be done or it will be done for you!’

Of course the things that keep this world spinning are many AND diverse and it seem as if I am ambitiously over simplifying what we face on a daily then shoot me for my attempt. Because I’ve come to the conclusion that every murder that takes place, every rape and the many other social ills that plague us are meant to be. We’ve been spinning out on control for far TOO long and in order for there to be balance, extreme action is needed. How do you live knowing that your neighbor down the street has NO food to eat, yet you have an abundance and REFUSE to share? Do you have a right to not share? YES! Does the neighbor have the right to kill you for your food? NO! However, both have a human right to care for each other and since that isn’t happening well…Life is SO simple in my mind and the root cause of what plagues us lies in the realm of ideas and with what people believe.

Some would disagree with this entry and that’s fine with me. However, we cannot deny that we are responsible for each murder, rape, robbery etc in some shape or form. We all know that belief without action is impotent, just as action without the belief is often misguided. So with that said, doesn’t it make sense that in order to ‘fix’ what we broke, we need to shift consciousness? And this in turn would influence our Social organization, Economic activity and Political policy. For it is the beliefs held in people’s minds, which cause them to do what they do. And since we aren’t moved by the many persons being murdered, rapped or robbed, the universe WILL change things for us. After all behaviour derives from thoughts, and thoughts derive from beliefs and these beliefs derive from and consist of ideas. So what other choice is there?

ALL life in the universe has meaning and purpose in being part of the process by which the emergent wholeness is going to recreated; and the future can be partially created through our present. It is then and only then we look upon our lives with a sense of hope AND fuel our determination to construct our lives. Even though unexpected events may throw us off course, seeing that we have the power to design our lives gives us the strength and will to follow our vision, for true hope is rooted in being confident and positive about what we are able to achieve. My belief in EVERYTHING IS AS IT SHOULD BE develops itself from the notion that the power of truth will ultimately have an effect upon the world that will be most profound! ARE YOU WITH ME?

¡LOVE MYSELF FOR HATING YOU!

I am sure we all know the feeling of being repeatedly haunted by the same issue, no matter how much we wish for it go away. The more we push away, the more we get pushed back. There are laws of physics and metaphysics that explain this phenomenon, which is often summed up in this brief phrase: That which you resist persists. And this phrase is SO very true for folks that I work with. They give the ‘office poli~tricks of everyday living’ the merit to support a way of living that follows what one has learned from childhood and the general culture around them. They smile with each other, but tear the other down when he is not around. They make good money, yet it never seems to be enough and to top all this off, they HATE the boss with a passion!

Our  boss pays a visit to the Bahamas for 2/3 weeks every quarter, so that means we have free reign to do whatever, whenever. However when he comes to town, my co-workers loose all sense and become mere little boys because they wait on this man hand and foot! Of course when I first started working here, they warned me not to allow him to treat me the way he treats them. From the two trips that he made, all I’ve seen is him taking them us out to lunch and dinner on the company’s dime. They sit eat, laugh and enjoy themselves while hating him for being here. He gives them HUGE ass bonuses and raises yet…I sit in amazement because they seem to think that their behaviors is acceptable not needing to be changed.

I try to imagine them being told as little boys growing up that it is important to be yourself and live in truth and honesty. Now I see them here hating themselves for upholding the boss’s idea of a ‘family working environment.’ I get that we need to work and we can no more be separate from that world than a fish can be separate from the water in which it swims; and I get that they can only see so much from where they sit in their particular bodies, but how could they allow the false notion of what they think they need to survive to take them over like this? From birth we are blessed with wisdom that cannot be learned or unlearned. It exists whether or not we acknowledge it because it is a gift given to us by a loving universe before we chose to experience existence on the earthly plane.

The men that I work show me that we all ‘act out’ on different levels of awareness; and being fake is @ best a mirror image of their reality; and their user/abuser mentality is just knowledge unproven from their experience. Water seeks its lowest level as do most who ‘follow the crowd’ without deep consideration that it’s not in the direction of knowing the conscious self. Do you think they’ll ever get to know that thinking that leads to actualization of thoughts can remove one from being the ‘Humpty Dumpty on the wall’ promoting love of hating the boss without having both feet on the ground?

4 STEPS TO TAKE WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE WRONG

There comes a time in every relationship when words start flying. Those times when, in the heat of the argument, you don’t recognize yourself or your partner. Within a matter of seconds you go from zero to sixty and truly show your crazy side, saying and doing things you know you shouldn't and that you know you'll regret later. But no matter the situation, what’s done is done. After the argument, when you and your partner are both back in character, it's what you do next that can either make or break your relationship: either  forgive, learn and laugh; or damage things to the point of no return. After an argument, it doesn’t matter whether you thought you meant what you said or if you admit it was said out of anger. The only thing that matters now is that you know you were wrong and you’re ready to fix the damage you caused. 

1. Avoid an On-the-Spot Apology. Immediately after realizing you just showed your behind and you let your inner demon take over, the worst thing you can do is spew an apology. Instant apologies seem to lack the sincerity of thought out apologies.  The point of an apology is not to conclude an argument and push it to the back burner. An apology should show that you are sorry and that you wholeheartedly and totally know why you need to be sorry. Take time to ponder over your behavior and include your reasons for apologizing in your apology.  If you can, tell your partner what you could do better next time. Make every word count and avoid saying “but” and “you made.” These phrases make it appear that you do not take responsibility for your actions.

2. Give your Partner Space and Time. The crazier you acted out, the more time and space you both need to reflect and sort things out separately.  Jumping back into things too quickly doesn’t allow your partner enough time to truly evaluate his or her feelings and that is necessary if you want to be forgiven.  Not only does time and space help both people heal, but it sets the foundation for a clean slate. 

3. Communicate Face-to-Face. When you’re trying to revive a relationship that’s just been delivered a huge blow by your hands, technological communication is out of the question.  That means no emails, no text messages and no phone calls unless they are to set up a time and place to speak in person.  One-on-one communication allows your partner to see your non-verbal cues and will make you seem more sincere.  If it means going out of your way, that’s even better.

4. Never Do It Again. Whatever wrong you have done, you can’t take it back. What you can do is make sure it never happens again.  Make preparations to prevent the wrongdoing from occurring again and make sure your partner is included. For example, if you’ve lost your partner’s trust, become an open book. Remove the password from your cell phone, answer your partner’s questions with honesty, not defensiveness, and give in to your partner’s reasonable requests for more information. It may seem like a hassle, but if your relationship means enough to you, it's worth it.

SOURCE: Kelly Taylor, BDO Contributing Writer

FULL DISCLOSURE: WHAT OUR NAMES REVEAL

What’s in a name? Plenty, at least if you care about race, socioeconomic status, and educational background. That’s according to Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner, whose chapter in their best-selling Freakonomics, “Perfect Parenting, Part II; or: Would a Roshanda by Any Other Name Smell as Sweet?” examines the socioeconomic patterns of naming children from the 1960s to today. In typical style, Levitt and Dubner look to answer the question beyond the question; most statistics about naming are about observing trends, but what does it really mean for a name to be popular? 

The Black-White Naming Gap - Levitt and Dubner based their analysis on data collected by Roland G. Fryer, a young African-American economist whose work has focused on the “acting white” phenomenon and on the black-white test-score gap. To determine the cause and effect relationship between distinctive black culture and economic disparity between blacks and whites, Fryer looked at birth certificate information for every child born in California since 1961, including the name, sex, race, and birth weight of each child. It also showed the parents’ marital status, their zip code, their means of paying the hospital bill, and their level of education. 

The data show that whites and Asian-American parents name their children similarly, as do Hispanic-American and white parents. But, especially since the early 1970s, there is a huge gap between the names that black parents give their children and the names that white parents choose for theirs. 

For Names, It Does Matter if You’re Black or White - According to the data, white parents are most likely to name their daughter (in order of frequency) Molly, Amy, Claire, Emily, or Katie, and their son Jake, Connor, Tanner, Wyatt, or Cody. Black parents, on the other hand, will more likely raise a daughter named Imani, Ebony, Shanice, Aaliyah, or Precious, with a brother named DeShawn, DeAndre, Marquis, Darnell, Terrell. 

Levitt and Dubner do not comment on this, but the widening of the black-white naming gap arose concurrently with the Black Power movement of the late 1960s and early 1970s. African Americans strove to celebrate their identity and distinguish it from white culture. Choosing names that were not white names is part of that movement’s legacy. 

Is there a problem with naming children according to race? According to Levitt and Dubner, if Jake Williams or DeShawn Williams sent in identical resumes to an employer, Jake would have a better chance of landing the job by virtue of name alone. But is this because the employer is a racist or because the name indicates something about DeShawn’s socioeconomic background? Levitt and Dubner argue for the latter. 

Whose Parents Went to College: “Madison” or “Amber”? -You can accuse anyone of being a racist, I suppose, but there is evidence of name discrimination among whites as well as between blacks and whites. Despite the huge gap between white and black names, Levitt and Dubner argue that it’s more appropriate to think of naming patterns along socioeconomic lines. They grouped the California data—using data from the 1990s alone, to ensure a current sample that is also large enough—by income level to show a correlation between baby name and parents’ socioeconomic status, regardless of race. Since, according to Levitt and Dubner, income and education are strongly correlated, there’s also a link between the parents’ level of education and the name they give their baby. 

So, if your parents went to college, worked in high-paying jobs, and led comfortable lifestyles, chances are you ended up with a name like Alexandra, Lauren, Katherine, Madison, or Rachel, if you’re a woman, and Benjamin, Samuel, Jonathan, Alexander, and Andrew, if you’re a man. But if your parents worked minimum wage jobs and you grew up in a house where money was tight, you probably have a name like Amber, Heather, Kayla, Stephanie, or Alyssa, if you’re a woman, and Cody, Brandon, Anthony, Justin, and Robert, if you’re a man. 

“Brittany” or “Britney”? - But there are plenty of people from wealthy backgrounds with well-educated parents with names like Heather and Robert, right? Levitt and Dubner chart a trickle-down effect in which names work their way down the socioeconomic ladder, often picking up one or two spelling variations along the way. For example, Brittany was popular name for high-income, highly educated parents to give their daughter in the 1990s. Ten years later, many lower-income parents were naming their daughters Brittany, Britney, Brittani, Brittanie, Brittney, and Brittni, probably because they wanted their girls’ names associated with money and good breeding. And about the same time, parents with higher socioeconomic status stopped doing so, probably for the same reason. 

Levitt and Dubner don’t comment on spelling variations, but they may have something to do with names’ importance to identity and individuality. Even while capitalizing on the positive associations of a name, parents also try to ensure that their “Brittni,” to continue with the example, will be different from all the other “Brittanys.” 

Name That Baby - Don’t be offended if your name is Amber and your parents are both multi-millionaire rocket scientists and you went to Harvard. Levitt and Dubner looked at data from one geographic area, which is hardly a conclusive study on naming. But the patterns they identify—the black-white gap, the socioeconomic gap among whites, and the trickle-down effect—show how much of our backgrounds our names reveal.