All of us fall in to this trap. We all have a natural tendency to want to “fix” other gay men by pointing out their blind-spots, telling them how to fix a problem, or judging their circumstances with the standards we hold for ourselves. Never remembering that what’s important is supporting the other person and just being there for them, not taking on their problems or trying to “fix” them.
The more space your ego takes up, the less room it leaves for them, and the whole point is to create and hold as much space for the other person as possible. Also, don’t take their emotional outpouring personally. When we get caught up in someone else’s drama (which is a result of not giving YOURSELF enough space),we can feel like whatever emotions they happen to be expressing are about us and our ability to hold space, instead of them just venting in their process. We can feel like their success is dependent on us and their failure to quickly move through their difficulties will be our fault. It’s not about you. Getting your ego out of the way will open the door for sincere vulnerability, authentic communication, and a feeling of safety for emotional processing.