GOING THROUGH THE OPENING - CONTRACTING BEFORE EXPANDING

Sometimes our lives contract before they expand. We may be working hard on ourselves spiritually, doing well in the world, following our dreams, and wondering why we are still facing constrictions of all kinds-financial, emotional, physical. Perhaps we even feel as if we've lost our spirituality and are stuck in a dark room with no windows. We may be confused and discouraged by what appears to be a lack of progress. But sometimes this is the way things work. Like a caterpillar that confines itself to a tiny cocoon before it grows wings and flies, we are experiencing the darkness before the dawn. When things feel tight, it's easy to panic or want to act in some way to ease the feeling of constriction. We might also spin our wheels mentally, trying to understand why things are the way they are. However, there is nothing we need to do at this time other than to be patient and persevering. We can cling to the awareness that we are processing the shift from one stage to another, and the more we surrender to the experience, the more quickly we will move through the tightness into the opening on the other side. Just like a baby making its way down the birth canal, we may feel squeezed and pushed and very uncomfortable, but if we remember that we are on our way to being born into a new reality, we will find the strength to carry on. Even as we endure the contractions, we can find peace within ourselves if we remember to trust the universe. We can look to the natural world for inspiration as we see that all beings surrender to the process of being born. In that surrender, and in the center of our own hearts, is a willingness to trust in the unknown as we make our way through the opening.

PLEASE 4GIVE ME :(

I chose not to LOOK...LISTEN...RESPECT him.
I just wanted to get mine; I mean why not
he got his? And did he ever...HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO F&CK SOMEONE
SO BAD THAT YOU THREW ALL COMMON SENSE OUT OF THE WINDOW? HAVE YOU EVER PUT
ANOTHER PERSON @ RISK WITH THEM KNOWING OR CARE IF THEY DID? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
IN A POSITION WHERE A CONDOM JUST KILLED YOUR ERECTION AND ALL YOU COULD THINK
ABOUT IS GETTING THAT ASS?...I have...I know what I did was horrible and if
I could change it, I wouldn't change a thing. Funny how that works huh? But bear
with me, I am just saying that it was a learning experience...I learned that NOT
every ASS that comes in my bed has to get my D!CK...I've
learned that I have played a very dangerous game and no matter how healthy I
am, I don't have the right to F&CK another without a CONDOM. I
should know better, I am in a community that says when it cums to sex that I
use a condom. Did I pay attention? HELL NO! ALL THAT WAS ON
MY MIND WAS HOW THIS NIGGAH F&CKED THE SH!T OUT OF ME AND I COULDN'T GO OUT
LIKE THAT! I had to get mine & get mine I did...was it worth it? Thinking about
it now I would say NO! I acted immature and didn't use COMMON
SENSE, I PUT MY LIFE ON THE LINE 4 ‘EMPTY’ SEX...It would have made sense
if I "play unsafe" seeking
a human connection instead of fulfilling my sexual psychological addiction.
Evidently I am swimming in the shallow end of the mental pool. I understand
that impulse...I TOTALLY GET MY NEED FOR REVENGE, I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND MY
NEED TO BE STUPID…ESPECIALLY WITH AN ACT SO MECHANICAL…I know now that regardless
of the mechanics, I have destroyed an expression of trust and caring (@ least). I in my need to pump my ego
and soothe my pride did something so wrong, so bad…so unforgivable…I can’t
imagine living with myself…I only hope that when HE finds out that
he can FORGIVE ME because GOD knows I can’t
forgive myself!

WOT MAKES A WHORE A WHORE?

I JUS' WANNA SAY THAT: A WHORE IS SOMEONE WHO SLEEPS WHIT WANTS TO SLEEP WITH HIM...a satisfied person is one who sleeps with who he wants...With that said, having sex doesn't make you a whore, sleeping with some one to get some thing more then sex out of them makes you a whore. I am of the opinion that all work and no play makes a whore sore and loose. I am in a place in my life where I don’t really care what people think of me. I’ve been good my whole life and I just want to live a little and maybe do something that might be out of character. Will others change the way they look at me if they found out? Most importantly will I change the way I look at myself?

WHAT MAKES A BOY LIKE ME A WHORE? Is it the way I juggles your balls in in mouth with my tongue? How about how wide I can make my asshole gape for your pole? There are a lot of factors that lead a man down the long and winding road to becoming a whore and you can only hope that I will show them to you all in my depraved glory!I know the essence of what it means to truly be a whore. So ask yourself what keeps this man going? Is it the rainbows and happy birds? Nope. Is it the green grass and fresh air? Nope. Is it the wonderful smiling faces around her? Uh, nope. Is it sex and ASSES that gladly spread for me penetrate it? YOU BETCHA! I am a some what uncontrollable sex addict whose willing gives it up, in any position, so long as they are willing to give back!

I know that I possess the right TOOLS for the job and GOD knows that I've paid my dues...The bull in me knew for a long time that it couldn't, wouldn't and shouldn't be contained, it's not as if I am hurting someone (unless they ask) I am simply exercising my right to F&CK how I please... I am a very content gay man living my life to the fullest…whoring around till I get enough...

THE SELF DESTRUCTIVE BOY

Reflections

On those stones I walked alone,

bearing only the name that I’d been given.

I walked until I reached the shore,

of the life that I’ve been living.

Staring into breaking waves

memories of broken days

and all the times that went away.

Reflecting on my life.

On that bridge I walked alone,

staring down at rocks below.

I dreamed at last I was back home,

in the company of those I’ve known.

Hanging on a steel beam

separating life from dream

listening to the running stream.

Reflecting on my life.

On those stones I lay alone,

motionless and without breath.

And now at last I’ve found my home,

Reflecting on my death.

September 8, 2006

************

for the one travis

HER 'GAY' HUSBAND

So, let’s assume that when I saw my ex boss’s wife yesterday driving in here luxury 2006 vehicle all smiles ALL knowing that the husband she took to the altar in front of a PRIEST, GOD FAMILY, FRIENDS & A FEW DEAD PERSONS knows that she married a MAN THAT IS VERY MUCH A HOMOSEXUAL. I have one overarching question: Will it make a difference? I guess my answer is NO it doesn’t because she is still with him. I wonder why though, why isn’t his LOVE for a GOOD D!CK N’ ASS don’t deter her from saying I DO? Why isn’t his sexual activity concerning her? Am I the one whose sexual ideology is RIGID & F&CKED UP? 

In short: Is she awake and I am asleep? In other words, will her actions be enough to flip some sort of switch in the rigid Christian mind-set and slap them out of their ideological coma and maybe begin to tip the scales back toward, oh, I don't know…let's say open-mindedness, generosity of spirit, homosexual acceptance and an understanding that God doesn't give a F&CK about what we do SEXUALLY! He knows why it exist, it’s only us that live in the dark…not knowing where the light is. What if one night in a deep sleep much like the nativity story GOD spoke to her and told her to STAY with her husband and LOVE him no matter what! What if GOD I don’t know knew this was her path to walk and reassured her that this it is all apart of HIS PLAN. Funny how GOD in all his wisdoms knows his creation and he knows that we are simple beings that WE have vices that grip us and we can’t let go even if we could…

It is like some sort of drug. It's like crystal meth and we just can’t get enough. Do you think that one lady could change the way the world view her husband? I mean think about it she knows this man been with him for years why can’t her judgment be sound? Do you think the world can get pass this ‘REPULSIVE SIN?’ HELL NO! She like her husband will constantly wish that the world would say: Hey, you know what, maybe this gay love thing we've all been railing about and making laws against and rending our flesh over for so long, well, maybe it isn't such a bad thing after all. Funny how I thought this when I saw her and how sad that you will NEVER see her stand up for GAY RIGHTS! So he has to pretend to be ‘THE VAGINA LOVING HUSBAND TO HIS I AM A MARRIED WOMAN NOW WIFE.’

I wish that WE could use this as a cosmic sign, as a big rainbow-colored warning flag that maybe; just maybe we need to look at this gay issue with a little more love and a little less nauseating pseudo-spiritual homophobic dogma. Maybe now is the time to rethink this hateful ideology that has kept us so deep in fear and mistrust and sexual agony for so long. Wonder if either one of them would get up and shout THANK YOU JESUS!? Can you imagine if he had the nerve, the brass the F&CKING balls to stand his GAY ASS up and say: OK PEOPLE, HERE’S THE DEAL: ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT I ALLOWED THE WORLD TO MAKE ME, I’VE LIED TO MYSELF AND TOOK HOME A SHITTY D!CK & THE TASTE OF MEN ON MANY OCCASIONS TO MY WIFE. Wouldn’t it be nice if our own PRIME MINISTER came out of the closet? How about the SELF-RIGHTEOUS PASTOR? Can I get an AMEN for the woman that gets an orgasm and fugal matter in her PUSSY? Can we give them a break?

I THINK IT’S TIME FOR THE WORLD TO UNDERSTAND THAT SEX IS OPEN ENDED AND THAT THE VANILLA SEX JUST AIN’T WORKING…Is it worth it to fight and jam homophobia down the throats of those that fought like hell to make the world more uptight and insular and afraid of its own genitalia? I have to say this: THERE REALLY IS NOTHING @ ALL WRONG WITH FEELING DEEP SEXUAL LOVE FOR ANOTHER MAN. ACTUALLY IT’S QUITE A BEAUTIFUL THING, RICH & REWARDING…FULL OF GOD, LIFE & LOVE. IT’S NOT A SIN! IT’S NOT A THREAT TO MARRIAGE, CHILDREN, HUMANITY OR YOUR MACHO RIMS…HE IS AN EXAMPLE THAT THIS LIFE CAN WORK, WHETHER SHE KNOWS OR NOT, SHE SEEMS COMFORTABLE…I MEAN WHAT IS SHE TO DO? She is fighting an issue that’s bigger than she; she is living a life that’s going on all over the world. Whatever the reason he married her; he should have been strong enough to realize that what he is something very special. If he felt pressured to be a MAN or just couldn’t deal with his own HOMOPHOBIA that doesn’t give him a right to make a decision that affects another person’s life in this way. 

HOW CAN SHE FACE HER FAMILY, HER FRIENDS…HERSELF? Why not live like me and embrace your sexuality? Why F&CK in the dark and seek some PUSSY for some light? Why go through the motions and get married to a WOMAN? This life is hard enough and if one doesn’t possess strong qualities then they are lost. I think that society needs to foster positive images of LOVE, society needs to ensure that we have persons out there that know its okay to be alone…especially WOMEN. There is such a tremendous pressure for them to find LOVE by any means necessary…there are some draw backs but hey if he’s a LAWYER, DOCTOR, ACCOUNTANT OR ANY EXECUTIVE YOU HAVE ARRIVED! You will get the world on a platter; funny how you can have the world and still not have LOVE…IT WOULD BE NICE IF SHE DIDN’T JUST HAVE HALF OF A MAN BECAUSE ALL SHE HAS ARE THE THINGS HE BOUGHT FOR HER…ALL SHE HAVE IS THE WISHFUL THOUGHTS OF LOVE FROM A MAN THAT CAN’T EVEN LOVE HIMSELF, ALL HE CAN DO IS DESTROY AND HURT…BUT I GUESS THIS LIFE ISN’T FOREVER SO RIDE THE WAVE & ENJOY BEING THE WIFE OF A GAY MAN!

SUMMON YOUR ALIVENESS - BEING FULLY PRESENT

When we are fully present, we offer our whole selves to whatever it is that we are doing. Our attention, our integrity, and our energy are all focused in the moment and on the task at hand. This is a powerful experience, and when we are in this state, we feel completely alive and invigorated. This kind of aliveness comes easily when we are absorbed in work or play that we love, but it is available to us in every moment, and we can learn to summon it regardless of what we are doing. Even tasks or jobs we don't enjoy can become infused with the light of being present. The more present we are, the more meaningful our entire lives become. Next time you find yourself fully engaged in the moment, whether you are making art, trying to solve an interesting puzzle, or talking to your best friend, you may want to take a moment to notice how you feel. You may observe that you are not thinking about what you need to do next, your body feels like it's pleasantly humming, or your brain feels tingly. As you enjoy the feeling of being located entirely in the present moment, you can inform yourself that you may try to recall this feeling later. You might try this while driving home orgetting ready for bed, allowing yourself to be just as engaged in that experience as you were in the earlier one. The more we draw ourselves into the present moment, the more we honor the gift of our lives, and the more we honor the people around us. When we are fully present, we give and receive aliveness in equal measure. For today, try to be fully present in your daily activities and watch a new reality open for you.

IN THE THICK OF IT

When we are "in the thick of it," overwhelmed by too many things that need our attention, it's important to remember that we are never given more than we can handle. When life's challenges make us question this, our best coping mechanism is to follow the reliable and well-known course to our calm center and anchor ourselves there. It is for these times that we have been practicing regularly, so that our mind, body, and spirit will know how to find the peace within. Even in the midst of seeming chaos, a deep breath can help us turn within to find the space to work from, the calm at the center of the storm. Tapping into our inner resources we begin again, bringing our focus to the needs of the present moment. Asking "why?" shifts our energy away from the task at hand. We can seek answers to those questions once we get to the other side of the present challenge. For now, we accept what is. Once we have collected scattered energy and created space, inspiration will strike, help will arrive, and what seemed impossible will either become possible or we will find it has become unnecessary. The flow of the universe and its perfect order has room to move in our lives when we get ourselves and our extraneous thoughts out of the way. After the thick has become thin again, we have the opportunity to learn from the situation with a better idea of our true capabilities. We can now ask ourselves the "why" questions with the goal of fine-tuning our lives. Perhaps we have taken on more than is ours to do or made commitments out of obligation rather than insight. It could just be the ebb and flow and life, or we may be receiving life lessons on a fast track in preparation for something wonderful to come. But when we have a chance to make new choices, we know the best ones are made when we work from center.

THE LIFE OF ME

For the life of me tell me if everything is supposed to happen for a reason, tell me why some folks are poor? Especially in this community, no matter how we try; it seems as if the odd are stacked high against us. We all have the broad shoulders and determination in our eyes; even though some of us have different things that we want, we have the general idea in mind. In my life, one may witness the struggle pain due to the cost of living. I myself have things that I want to accomplish, things that are not out there or beyond my reach. I am not the type that spends money because I am single and have no kids; I can’t because I simply don’t have it. I only wish I could save, I know you might think you are not saving because you can’t budget properly but I wish that was the problem. Like Buju Banton says in one of his songs “SPENDING A DIME, WHILE EARNING A NICKEL…’ that is so true for me and other persons out there that I know. I think that the way things are set up in this world are so crazy, but I know that I can’t change them…@ least now, but in due time. I’ve noticed that whenever there seems to be a week where I can save some cash, something happens…the car dies or a bill just finds its way to take that money from you. So me dealing with the typical financial woes I’ve taken on the task of trying to help my mom out which is very difficult. I moved out on my own @ the age of 24 and did so because if I’d stayed home any longer I wouldn’t be any good to myself or anyone around me (@ least financially). My mom doesn’t work which makes things harder for me because I find it difficult to know that I am able to feed myself and she can’t but what can I do? I didn’t tell her not to work, but @ the same token I can’t exactly ignore her and let her starve or can I? Am I selfish if I ignore the lady that gave me life carry on as if nothing is wrong? Would that make a bad person? Of course I’ve had friends tell me that I shouldn’t worry because my heart is in the right place and that I should do what I can. But I know me and I want to give my mom the things that I feel she needs, I am not trying to put my basket higher than I can reach (I am too smart for that) but I just wish that could do so much more. No matter how hard I try I can’t get pass this and I know that I have a problem letting it go. This simmers in my soul and I plot ways in which I can overcome this but I always come up empty (guess it's my addictive personality) who knows? All I know is that every time it seems that I am in a position to help out BAM shit comes my way. I wonder why I am so hooked on this? Could it be my childhood hearing my mom say over and over how other mothers were proud of their kids that has grown up and done things for them? I know that as a child I always wanted to be that person my mom spoke of with pride and pleasure. So can you blame me if I get hooked on this stuff? Oddly enough though, I consider myself a realist a man that tries to see and live in the realm of the possible. I know that if a relationship isn’t working for me I can let that go with relative ease…Move on…But this destructive vice that for some reason has me by the throat just won’t be easy on me. I wonder it’s the challenge that I LOVE? I would love to be the one that takes my family to the next level. I want to be able to get the basic necessities that one needs and that’s that. Wouldn’t it be great to go the grocery store and not look @ the price of the items and just pay for them when you are about to leave? I would love to able to keep gas in my car, pay the cable and phone on time…Follow the budget that I’ve created, but you what they say about the best laid plans…GUESS I AM JUST A FOOL…Could I be fighting years of bad KARMA that’s bigger than me? What if my family did so many things in their past lives that makes this struggle the struggle to end all struggles? So that means that my tears are in vain and my heart break for the fun of it. I didn’t give a F&CK! But knowing me the way I do, I won’t rest until I’ve satisfied my soul…until I’ve destroyed whatever was born before I...GOD KNOWS THAT THIS LIFE OF ME MAKES ME STRONGER EVEN WHEN I DON’T KNOW IT…I just wish that I wasn’t tested in this way…BUT I KNOW THAT I WON’T GIVE UP THAT EASILY, I CAN’T…

A SIGHT 2 B HOLD...

I can see him
right now laying down on the bed and me on top of him as we continue to kiss. I
LOVE THE WAY HE MAKES MY D!CK JUMP! I have reach for his D!CK and
put it between my legs and go back and forth with moans here and there. (OH
WHAT A SIGHT 2 B HOLD) making love like this makes me know that it’s
possible…THE PASSION OF LOVE WE SHARE INSIDE THAT ONLY THE TWO OF US CAN
SHARE IS A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT 2 B HOLD…

It starts slow
and builds with passion and intensity…Hands travel all over one another… I love
the way ‘WE’ LOVE each other; only
the way a MAN can. It is captivating, spell bound even. It’s
as if LOVING each other is not an option, nor a choice, but
our right; for we know this feeling in our hearts 2 B true. I love the feeling I get when ‘WE’ first
touch and especially when our naked bodies meet for the first time…skin on
skin…breathe to breathe…man to man. 

THERE IS
SOMETHING EXCITING AND INTIMATE ABOUT SEEING MEN IN A PERSONAL ENVIRONMENT, IT IS
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SIGHT 2 B HOLD! I can feel
LOVE all over me, in me and around me…Its poetry in motion, bodies
touching and experiencing one another that sends both of ‘US’ to
new dimensions. I 

know I have the right to experience love in the form of this man, this man who is going to love
me in such a way that will be a part of me all the rest of my life. I know that
in that moment, in this lifetime I experienced GOD’S greatest creation… I can feel him before he touches me for he
has touched me on the inside. I have to have ‘HIM’ ON ME, IN ME...ME IN
HIM. I can smell his scent (OH SO SWEET). 

THIS SIDE OF ME...

My life takes me on a journey from self-hate to self-love. If I had to describe my life, I'd say it is my cathartic renegade of truth and evolutionary healing, mainly because it is an open invitation to the pain and growth that is my life. I have overcome shame and remove the mask is my personal journey of same-gender loving discovery from childhood to adulthood and the misery that I endured because of religious and societal constructs, along with the jubilation I discovered through spirituality and God. I’ve kept an open mind and heart, from the very beginning to this day and now I wonder if I am meant to spend my life with a WOMAN.

I have this notion that my SOUL MATE is a MAN, but what if that's not the case? What if I was meant to be a WOMAN? I firmly believe that this 'LIFE STYLE' is meant to be a lonely one, I feel that every single one of us are goin to have to walk this path...live this existence. I feel that the contractual obligations that come with life are well defined and that no matter how many times I fight it, I am fighting a loosing battle. I know that I have this dream of living my life, raising kids but NOT with a MOTHER but with TWO FATHERS.

Funny thing is that I know that I am walking blindly in a land that doesn't exist. I know that it's important to acknowledge that there are WOMEN out there that I will find myself attracted to. Crazy thing is that I don't know if I have it in me to satisfy a WOMAN, I don't know if I care to. All I know is that whatever path my life takes I will make sure that I am living to please ME! Maybe I should explore 'THIS SIDE OF ME' maybe I will find true happiness. God knows that the world would accept me, God knows that as crazy as it seems I won't be seen as GAY anymore. But knowing me as well as I do, I will crucify any WOMAN that comes my way and I know she can't take it...I have fought to hard to be GAY to let it go just like that...All I know is that this isn't all who I am...I know in my heart of hearts that I am meant to live this 'LIFE' I am meant to be A GAY MAN and that's the real ME.

CHAIR DE MA CHAIR...I HAVE 2 LET GO...

The touch, the game…I have to let myself go and trust him. I know how to give and understand that making love is more than giving your body. It’s giving myself and he makes it worth it…Allowing myself to become one with him. On this day we ate the fruit of knowledge, our eyes were opened and we were like Gods, knowing the Good and the Evil. His eyes told me secrets, lips that would not tell them...

I HAVE TO LET GO!

It starts with the warmth of his tongue that sends the feeling of ecstasy cascading down my body; the gentle touch of his hand caressing my skin and massaging my body as he LOVES me from head to toe…THIS FEELING IS INESCAPABLE…He asks me what I want him to do to me next and I am speechless because a feeling came over me. It’s so hard to be that close to something real and not have it as my own…

I HAVE TO LET GO!

He shines the light that reflects off the skin; intricately created masterpieces, one by one with much detail like fingers to touch, eyes to see and lips to kiss. He whom shines the light gave me his D!CK to feed and a tongue to taste the fruit that dangle from the branches and sway to the breeze from his breath. Our bodies are the testimony of the first creation of art. We wear each other like a robe revealing truth. We are one with the earth, the ocean we are the tempting forbidden fruit...

I HAVE TO LET GO!

He recreated me in his image, I ate his flesh and he ate mine…I am now free, I feel as if I am a GOD for in my imperfection he captivates my beauty and makes me perfect...I carry my soul on my skin...

I HAVE TO LET GO!

YES BELIEVE IT OR NOT I AM GAY!

From the very beginning as far back as five years old, I was drawn to men. I knew then that there was an attraction, not sexual of course, but a special type of fond preference for men nonetheless, which later, through pubescence, developed sexually. It would have been ideal to have been able to talk to someone about those feelings, but I was surrounded by an environment of antipathy for the homosexual lifestyle. So as the male, knowing that my family would not be exactly fond of me being gay, I like many others before me tried desperately to suppress my homosexual emotions in order to be considered normal. The teasing and isolation that I suffered from my peers also made me feel compelled to live my life as a heterosexual—all in the name of acceptance. I had also grown up serving the Catholic Church not as an altar boy (I THINK THAT IS SO CLICHÉ) I had to stomach scripture stuffed down my throat stating that homosexuality was a sin. Even though I was not engaging in sex, I know now that I was gay, which ultimately led me to questioning whether or not I was hell-bound and wondering if I was a moral abomination in the eyes of God. Of course, the church told me that I was, so I ended up suffering from some serious psychological issues about my role in life. I knew that I didn't ask or prefer to be a homosexual that I just was without choice — I WAS BORN THIS WAY! But the church and other messages that were circulating from the mouths of homophobia were conveying to me that no one is born a homosexual; that it is a matter of choice. As a result of all this confusion, I was constantly trying to determine whether I was good or bad? Most of the time I felt that I was bad; so I reinvented myself as that special someone who, in the eyes of God, my parents and the world, was good, normal and accepted…strange how that is only an illusion! I THOUGHT THAT IF I WAS A HETEROSEXUAL PERSON, I WOULD BE WORTHY OF LOVE. Pathetically, I had convinced myself that was all true, and I eventually led myself down a sad road of unhappiness and depression. When I reflect on it now, I realize that the Church brainwashed me to believe that God hated me so much that I began to hate myself. HOW DYSFUNCTIONAL! Later on, when I resigned from organized religion and connected spiritually with God on my own, I realized that I had repressed into a disturbing episode from my childhood which had also attributed to my cycle of self-hate. That realization eventually laid the path to a miraculous journey of evolution, and I was able to appreciate the path my life had now taken and acknowledge that God did, in fact, love me. I SAY ALL OF THIS BECAUSE OF THE REACTION I GET WHEN I COME ACROSS PEEPS THAT THINKS I AM GAY BECAUSE OF HOW I MAY DRESS OR LOOK (WHICH IS TOTALLY F&CKED UP!) So just in case they didn’t get the memo I am informing them of the fact that I AM GAY! I know this is hard for your LITTLE BRAIN TO COMPREHEND, but just leave that which has nothing to do with you alone. Why does it bother you so much if I don’t want PUSSY? As a male why should you care? As a female why should I care? We have freedom of choice and freedom of what we do, when we do and how we do…so I don’t get why my sexual activity concerns you so much. I think it’s because you haven’t learned how to separate the sex from the man in your PERFECT world. So consider my ‘UNIQUENESS’ strange, call my language foreign…I so don’t give a F&CK! Call my confidence ignorant; see my heart aches as defeat because you don’t think that I should live this life anyway. Lower my mother’s and father’s creation to simply DADDY jerking off on a stone and MOMMY just happen to sit on it…I am sure God’s mind is @ ease. Far be it from me to write this blog or question you (‘HOW DARE I’). Heaven forbids that I stand up for myself; all HELL would reign upon me. Funny how you rather I be fake and assimilate. The next time I cross your path ask yourself, ‘WHO IS THIS MAN? Better yet ask me and you find out that my sexuality doesn’t define me as A HUMAN, A MAN, A SON, A BROTHER, A NEPHEW, A FATHER, A GRANDFATHER, A PASTOR, A TEACHER, A DOCTOR…EVEN A FRIEND. You will see I am a STRONG MAN WHO STANDS TALL, SPINE ERECT POINTING TO THE STARS WITH PRIDE, DIGNITY & RESPECT.

DO YOU TAKE IT, GIVE oR BOTH?

CHANGE is constant and labels that we subscribe to are OBSOLETE in the GAME of SEX in the GAY community. I find it very interesting how we label ourselves and place
ourselves in boxes created by the world. I know for a fact that most men that
say they are TOP say that because they associate it masculinity and dominance and MEN are suppose to be hard and tough. But the funny thing to me is I wonder
if they realize what they are doing? If you think a MAN that is a BOTTOM is less than or inferior to a man that is TOP aren’t you just emulating what society thinks about us? You know that age old
question, ‘WHO IS THE MAN & WHO IS THE
WOMAN?’ I find it so funny
how WE are all GAY because we LOVE MEN but rather think that WE are GAY because WE happen to indulge in anal sex. If that’s the case WOMEN have asses just as men do, so why not F&CK them up the ASS? Why just give that option to a man? An ASS is an ASS so what’s the
difference? So I ask, DO U TAKE, GIVE oR BOTH? I
TAKE A D!CK JUST AS GOOD AS I GIVE ONE…I F&CK according to how I feel; if I meet a man and our chemistry is there…A
decision has to be made on if we are going through with sex or we just going to
call it day and leave it alone. I’ve met MEN that say ‘I AM A TOP’ and during foreplay
though hesitant @ first their legs open wide and ASS BE TROBBING LIKE A B!TCH, begging
for some pounding! Guess @ that time
ecstasy takes over and it’s on. F&CK the TOP/BOTTOM/VERS shit, the need to be pleased is @ hand so then WHAT? What makes a MAN a TOP? Is it his D!CK size? Is it his height? Is it his age? Is it the
way he seems to the outside world? Is it the money he has? The perks on his
job? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME? Personally I hate classifications; it doesn’t make any sense and just
causes more problems. Classifications cause men to say SH!T like I don’t do the BOTTOM thing it doesn’t feel good. SEX like everything in life needs care and
attention and if it’s just a quick F&CK how can you expect the chemistry to be off the chain? Hence mentally you tell yourself that there are certain places you
shouldn’t and wouldn’t go. Another thing that gets me when a MAN say, ‘WHEN I FIND SOMEONE THAT I LOVE I WILL GIVE
HIM ALL OF ME’ Funny how the man HE is F&CKING now is just that and nothing more than a F&CK! So sorry if this
is a relationship because that means you are just an ASS that’s there to
pass the time till the perfect D!CK n’ ASS arrives.

Tell you what before
you decide to size a man up base on his appearance or whatever it is you base
your sexual activity on let me say this to you…SEX especially ANAL SEX requires a lot of foreplay and I say if a MAN can’t get down and EAT SOME ASS THEN HE SHOULDN’T BE
GETTING IT! Cause there are ‘TOPS’ out there that say I don’t do that, I am thinking should I automatically
get MOIST and turn my ASS on for your D!CK because it’s attach to you? WHEN YOU THINK THAT HIGHLY ABOUT YOUR SH!T I
SAY YOU NEED TO F&CK YOURSELF! Let’s be realistic, I say if one thinks about it the ONLY WAY FOR A MAN TO GET AN OUT OF THIS WORLD
ORGASM IS VIA THE PROSTATE. Question how does one get there? What is the sexual organ of choice to
get there? So with that said ANAL ORGASMS is the main purpose for sex in our community so I think that we need to
make sure that when we deny what we do SEXUALLY that we learn to differentiate FACT from FICTION, meaning we need to
remember that when we meet a man and he isn’t flowing like that, make sure you
remember that it’s just HIM and not EVERYONE that comes your way. So many men have
closed minds when it comes to sex and how they get down and of course most lie
about how they get down. I am of the opinion that ALL men get F&CKED! Might not be daily, monthly but I am sure as the sun will rise that it’s
as often as ONCE EVERY
QUARTER, ANNUALLY OR SEMIANNUALLY. I mean fuck it if you’re feeling a guy, and they got all there shit right
with them, then do that SH!T. I know life is about choices and preferences but come guys don’t pretend
to be something you are not. I know I am GAY because I want to enjoy every part of MAN otherwise it would be a waste of time. I am not saying let some guy that
you aren’t feeling get theirs, but don’t brush it off that easily either. This
society we live in pigeon holds us and we already have this taboo when it comes
to sex. Sex is one way for us to enjoy life and if we can’t even enjoy that, what else is there?

I GET IT, HOW BOUT U?

I am someone who understands the true nature of reality, perceiving deeply that we all emanate from the same source, that we are all essentially one, and that we are here on earth to love one another. I am awoken to the true nature of the self, and it is a blessing. Nevertheless, people who just don't get it are seemingly everywhere and, often, in positions of power. It can be frustrating and painful to watch them behave unconsciously. I have encounter individuals of this bent in my family, at work and in all areas of public life. I easily find myself feeling intolerant of these people, wishing I could be free of them even though I know that separation from them is an illusion. I find that it helps sometimes to think of us all as different parts of one psyche. Just as within our own hearts and minds we have dark places that need healing, the heart and mind of the world has its dark places. The health of the whole organism depends upon the relative health of the individuals within it. I increase harmony when I hold onto the light, not allowing it to be darkened by judgment, anger, and fear about those who behave unconsciously. It's easier to accomplish this if we don't focus on the negative qualities of individuals and instead focus on how increasing our own light will increase the light of the overall picture. When I am dealing with people who seem very unconscious, it helps to remember that every one must find their own way to awakening and that the experiences they are having are an essential part of their process. Holding them in the light of our own energy may be the best way to awaken theirs. At the same time, we are inspired by their example to look within and shed light on our own unconscious places, sacrificing the urge to judge and surrendering instead to humble self-inquiry.

THIS GAY MAN'S LIFE

This ‘LIFESTYLE’ is full of F&CKING, FUN & FOOLISHNESS; which prompts a question in me, WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU ARE ALL GROWN UP AND THE DISCO BALL DROPS? WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR D!CK
CAN’T F&CK EVERYTHING IN SIGHT? WHAT HAPPENS TO ALL THE HEARTS YOU PLAYED
WITH? WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BUILD A LIFE BASE ON THE PREMISE THAT YOU WILL BE
YOUNG FOREVER AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FABULOUS? I will tell you what I think becomes
of you, you become a FORTY year old man (HOPEFULLY) and find that no matter how much
money you make, no matter how many persons you call your friends you realize
they aren’t.

I think the saddest thing is when you’ve come to acknowledge that you are
lonely and have no one to be there for you the real ways that count. I know you
are tired of just hooking up or kicking it with someone sexually when all you
truly wanted was someone to talk to. I know the holidays are vast approaching
and wouldn’t it be nice to spend it with
a loved one? I’ve met men that just stay home a lot, work a lot and don’t
make time to deal with themselves because the loneliness is a B!TCH. Can you imagine having a huge ASS house with no one to come home to? Can you imagine how lonely it feels to
have a dining room table that just collects dust because you haven’t used it? These men are great cooks and spend
all their time in the kitchen trying to get peeps over just to have some
company, not that I think that’s bad; but
when the last person leaves then what? 

GOD KNOWS
I HAVE PLANS FOR MY LIFE AND THAT EXISTENCE ISN’T WHAT I HAVE IN MIND…I know it’s fun to live like life
will always be a certain way, I say put your head in the clouds but make sure
your feet are firmly planted on the ground…If you get swept away send out an S. O. S. ASAP…Don’t get caught up in the routine of WORK, HOME, GYM, TELEVISION AND F&CKING IN BETWEEN. When we look at our hetero siblings
and friends and see them spending those festive times with their kids and in
laws and such, how does that make you
feel? We can have those options if only we strive to achieve such things.
For me, loneliness is not a big part of my life. Growing up I am accustomed to
having people around me; not just anyone ordinary group of persons but persons
that were family, persons that cared and loved me. I urge everyone and anyone HOMO or HETERO to try and
build relationships that can sustain and enrich your existence on this planet.
This thing called loneliness has led some of us to hooking up when that isn’t
our hearts desire, to dating and dealing with someone we knew we had no right
even associating with, to spending inordinate amounts of time online speaking
to a bunch of strangers just to have someone to talk to and for some it leads
to depression.

The holidays are approaching folks, and a lot of us are single but unlike
myself will spend it with FAMILY, FRIENDS & A FEW
SPECIAL PERSONS THAT IF IT’S THE UNIVERSE’S PLAN; I WILL SPENDING A LOT MORE
CHRISTMASES, THANKSGIVINGS, EASTER etc. on a LIFETIME BASES WITH. I ask those of you involved to think about your single GAY
friends who will be solo and maybe have them over for dinner, or those of you
who are single, call up some other single friends and all of you converge at
one person's house and everyone cook and enjoy some companionship and so on.
Christmas is approaching, how about get 5
or 6 friends together and have a gift exchange? Become each other's company
and enjoy the holidays. Please don’t get caught up in the ‘LIFE’, please don’t fall into that ‘TRAP’ strive for a life that will sustain
you, a life you can reflect on one day and say, ‘DAMN THAT WAS A GOOD LIFE!’

Life

By Charlotte Brontë

Life, believe, is not a dream

So dark as sages say;

Oft a little morning rain

Foretells a pleasant day.

Sometimes there are clouds of gloom,

But these are transient all;

If the shower will make the roses bloom,

O why lament its fall

Rapidly, merrily,

Life's sunny hours flit by,

Gratefully, cheerily,

Enjoy them as they fly!

What though Death at times steps in

And calls our Best away

What though sorrow seems to win,

O'er hope, a heavy sway

Yet hope again elastic springs,

Unconquered, though she fell;

Still buoyant are her golden wings,

Still strong to bear us well.

Manfully, fearlessly,

The day of trial bear,

For gloriously, victoriously,

Can courage quell despair!
when you stand there can you fill him

standing there with you saying do it like I do

can you hear him when you sing

his voice can you hear it

when the guitars and the drums beat so hard

and you close your eyes is he there smiling

is he there walking on stage yelling with you

can you see his bare foot prints

did you hear him say its your turn

does the tears come when you play

one of his songs all alone

do you miss him sometimes so bad you can taste it

is he there to pray with you at night

can you hear him say come on little brother

lets see if we cant catch a big old fish

did you fill him pat you on the back

when you were done and did you hear his whisper

saying he was proud

I JUS' HAVE 2 SAY THAT...

This is the side of me that just wants F&CK a niggah; GET IN, GET OFF AND GET OUT! So with said…Lay on your back and DO NOT MOVE! I will undress you. Kiss you both soft and wet on your lips. I wanna undress you with both my mind and my hands…YOU ARE MINE NOW! I'm already naked; just feel for the curves and the ass cheeks in the dark. I'm ready to ride, I get on top slides my pole in, I want you to jolt a little because this shit will hurt a little just be a man and take it! I can feel you administer wet kisses in my ear while blowing in it...I'm rock hard while on top, place your hands on my hips positioning telling me you LOVE the ride my D!CK is giving you. Now I want you to ride it, sit back and spot me as much ASS ACCESS and ride for dear life B!TCH.

I want you get off my D!CK and apply those lips to my pole, I want you to grope yourself as I finger F&CK YOUR ASS opening you wide all over again… I'm on my tip toes as I slide my meat in and out of your mouth…You know I LOVE YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE WALL AS MY SH!T EASES IN AND OUT…THINK OF IT AS COCKWORK FOR YA!

…Now I am back in you, I hear the wall's melodies while your face is pressed up against it and still, no one has spoken a word as you feel my shaven balls pounding you like round two was borrowed…You on your stomach me smacking that with such vengeance…No questions asked, no conversation ever mentioned…Just me digging deep into until…until…until....Oh the joy of me inside you, F&CK!NG the sweet essence of my energy into you…You gyrating to the beat of my D!CK…IN & OUT, IN & OUT…Amazing how sweet harmonies we make with our nakedness…Kinda brings out the naughty side of me…Wishing others are here watching but we don’t care because it’s too intense to STOP! HMMMM the sweat from my chest creeping down the crack of your ASS while I F&CK the F&CK OUT OF YOU!...JUST TURN ME ON…Time to bring it HOME, I pull out of you and turn you around; place you on your knees…You sucking me, licking my ball, my scrotum and tonguing my pee hole…Mounting your face into my sweaty crotch…Now it’s time for me CUM and you know your gonna taste it…You want it…I let you have it, every single drop down your throat as my body collapses to the floor from such an intense session…

TELL ME...101 ¿QUESTIONS?

1.Why are you "GAY"?

2. How do you define being "GAY"?

3. Is being "GAY" a personal thing, a sexual thing, or a lifestyle thing?

4. Can one still be considered "GAY" if he is attracted to men and men are attracted to him, but he never acts on the attraction?

5. Can one still define himself as "GAY" if he's never been to a gay club/party/event?

6. If "GAY" means happy, why are you so sad?

7. If you are "GAY" can you be spiritual aligning?

8. Do you believe in love?

9. Do believe being "GAY" is wrong?

10. Did you ‘GAY IT FORWARD?’

11. Do you as a "GAY" person know that sex is war?

12. Do you have hope?

13. Can you can look at the sunset and smile, find beauty in the colors of a small flower and find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly?

14. Can the smile of a child warm your heart?

15. Can you the good in other people?

16. Does the sight of a rainbow still make you stop and stare in wonder?

17. Does the suffering of others fill you with pain and frustration?

18. Do you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection?

19. Can you look at the past and smile?

20. Do you have moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real?

21. Do you know that when the door of happiness closes, another opens?

22. Do you go for looks; do you know they can deceive?

23. Do you go for wealth; do you know that fades?

24. Do you go for a mate that makes your heart smile?

25. Do you have enough happiness to make you sweet?

26. Do you have enough trials to make you strong?

27. Do you have enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy?

28. Do you know that the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything?

29. Do you make the most of everything that comes your way?

30. Do you know that the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past?

31. Do you know that you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and

heartaches?

32. Do you know that when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling?

33. Do you live your life so that at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying?

34. Do you count the years or the memories?

35. Are you a tragic homosexual?

36. Do you think that all "GAY" men are fucked-up?

37. Do you believe that all "GAY" men cheat?

38. Do you believe that it’s virtually impossible for two men to have a long-lasting connection?

39. Do you have the "WOE IS ME" syndrome?

40. Do you lie so much that you believe your own SH!T?

41. Do you think that you attract what you are?

42. Do you think EVERYONE wants you?

43. Do you need constant validation from others?

44. Are you a low self-esteem good man?

45. Do you compare yourself to others?

46. Do you think no one wants to be with you?

47. Do you lower your standards and link up with manipulative evil men who smell and prey on your insecurities?

48. Do you value your skills and talents, respect your own intelligence and act on your beliefs and feelings?

49. Do you ever listen to what you're saying to yourself?

50. Do you put yourself down or call yourself names?

51. Are you tolerant of yourself and others?

52. Do spend time with people who value you?

53. Do you know that people you choose to be around are often mirrors of how you feel about yourself?

54. What is the difference between what you perceive and what you’ve seen?

56. Do you like play in the game of life?

57. Do you like the hand you are dealt?

58. Are you leading or are you behind?

59. When the lights fade can you survive the beating to see another day?

60. Do you know nothing is new and all has been done and will be done again?

61. Are you prepared for the new troubles that will come and the old ones that will pass?

62. Please tell me that you know that your faith is the only thing that will last?

63. Do you think of GOD is a guy sitting in heaven with a laptop keeping score?

64. Or do you think of GOD as a personification of nature and everything around us?

65. Can you say you believe in GOD even though we haven’t discovered his true nature?

66. Do you think that Christianity has the exclusive rights to everything moral and God-related?

67. Do you feel blessed when someone says that they prayed for you?

68. Do you believe it’s better to live under the guise of something false?

69. Do you hate the true, ruthless, bitter and nasty things about life?

70. Can you be "GAY" and CHRISTIAN?

71. Would you shout I AM "GAY" from a rooftop?

72. When a person comes to you and asks you to read some scriptures with you, do you recoil in horror and get say no or do you concede defeat and do it?

73. To me reliance on religion is to abrogate ones own responsibility to think, make decisions, live by them and be judged on who you are and what you have done – do you agree?

74. Are you strong enough to offer that person a talk on cock-sucking, anal intercourse and how much YOU LOVE THE "GAY" LIFE?

75. Does being "GAY" make you more tolerance of others?

76. Do you like when hypocrites are OUTTED?

77. Are you waiting on the world to change?

78. Do you know that the only way society will begin to change is if we change first?

79. Are confident enough to believe in the great force we are?

80. Do believe there is great power in living out and proud?

81. Are you fearless enough and have the balls to tell the religious fanatics where they can stick that lone passage in Leviticus they still deem relevant?

82. Consulting heart and mind, are you making choices from a place of balance?

83. Are you aware that each of the myriad decisions we make every day has the potential to have a deep impact on our lives?

84. Are you aware that when you have achieved equilibrium in your heart and mind, you can clearly see both sides of an issue or alternative?

85. Can you spread your light and affect others daily?

86. Do you know that we unconsciously absorb each other's energy?

87. Do you know that GOD is the true artist and you are the channel?

88. Are you happy when someone else succeeds?

89. Do you believe in fair play?

90. Are you an intellectual?

91. Are you wise?

92. Do you view life as an illusion?

93. Are you masculine or feminine?

94. Are you politically aware?

95. Do you believe that loving someone can make you free?

96. Are you self-deprecating? (not boastful)

97. Do you like adventure?

98. Do you have many formed opinions?

99. Are you uninhibited in bed?

100. Are you up for being experimental?

101. What are you addicted to?