TODAY IS ZIPPER DAY!

¿WHY ARE CLOSETED MEN SO HARD TO DATE?

Typically men who are not out are open with those they date about being in the closet to family and friends. They can often lead a life that from the outside appears in double: One with their gay friends and lovers and another with family, friends and coworkers. 

How can a man be out with some people, especially their romantic partners, but not with others they care for? Despite the confusion the paradox is necessary to explore their same sex feelings and attractions.

To understand, we need to first debunk the myth that coming out happens all at once, as if it's a one time event. In most cases, men curious about sex and relationships with other men do not disclose their feelings all at once. It happens in stages, based most often on the circumstances of the guy's life.

Another myth is that once he comes out, he's out for good. In some instances, just the opposite happens, especially if he's outed or is feeling an immense amount of pressure to be open. Unfortunately, these circumstances make it frustratingly difficult, or nearly impossible, to date them. Literally, one minute they're in and the next their out.

Closeted men are in constant conflict with themselves and their surroundings. They understand that they are attracted to other men, but cannot reconcile these feelings with how to live life. For this reason, it's not unusual for a guy who is not out to play out the immense conflict they experience in their relationships with lovers and others.

They are being pulled in two different directions that can often be in conflict: a life lived based on their true desires or one that fits with tradition or the most dominant view in society. 

Ultimately, what a closeted gay man lacks is complete confidence. Full, unwavering, confidence comes in the belief that they will not be truly happy until they begin to live their authentic lives despite the difficulties they might encounter for being who they really are. Many closeted men rest in the fear that their support systems, such as family or friends or coworkers, will reject or treat them differently if they disclose that they are gay or bisexual. While these fear may not be unfounded, they are neither a guarantee nor a way to live. Denying our true attractions to mitigate uncomfortable situations elsewhere will not make us happy. In fact, it will only intensify the turmoil and tensions experienced on a daily basis.

To live as you really are is true freedom. To deny this is to live for others and not ourselves. Of course this easier said than done, which is why the path to coming out and being absolutely free takes absolute courage. How can this courage be achieved? And how can their partners support them?

The first step to living with courage as a gay man is embracing your sexuality in whatever way it expresses itself and trusting that no matter what difficulties arise, we possess the ability to overcome them by maintaining an absolute belief that a happy and open life is worth fighting for through the hardship.

For the lovers and partners of closeted men, support comes in awareness. You cannot control the turmoil of another's emotions anymore than a tornado can be controlled by a wish. This awareness dictates that you as his partner or lover must remain centered in your own courage and convictions to live your life authentically as well. This does not mean that you are obliged to put up with the storm or that you must take the tensions he may play out without complaint. You must be as clear about your limits and boundaries as he is about his.

And if the wind hits the windows and he pushes you away to maintain his previous life, you must be a brick and know when to hold strong and when to walk away. The wisdom to act doesn't ease the pain this situation may cause, but part of an awareness (and risk) of dating someone in the closet is understanding that this potential pain is part of the journey that both you and he agreed to. At any time this can change, which makes it clear that every moment with him must be lived fully and that if those moments should end, it's most likely for the best.

SOURCE: GAY LIFE {ABOUT DOT COM}

RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE: SEASON 7, EPISODE 9 - DIVINE INSPIRATION

While the top of the heap on this season of RuPaul’s Drag Race may seem pretty locked, there’s quite a battle shaping up for the third spot in final three. Although our top two have seemed preordained for the last few weeks, the rest of the contenders have really been stepping it up.

Unfortunately, we’ve got to get through another group acting challenge this week. But! At least this one is inspired by legendary, iconic filmmaker, John Waters.

Let’s talk about how our queens are stacking up this week…

TODAY IS KISS YOUR MATE DAY!

HE IS YOUR TYPE BUT...

You ever meet someone who isn't your type?

In most categories you like them but there's just one thing about them you don’t like - DO YOU TELL THEM THE ONE THING YOU DON'T LIKE? 

Or keep it to yourself?

How have YOU handled this situation and how has it worked?

BRUCE JENNER CONFIRMS GENDER IDENTITY: 'FOR ALL INTENTS & PURPOSES, I AM A WOMAN'

Olympic champion turned reality show star Bruce Jenner confirmed on Friday (24 April) plans to transition to female.

'For all intents and purposes, I am a woman,' Jenner told Diane Sawyer minutes into a highly-anticipated interview on ABC.

'People look at a me differently. They see you as this macho male, but my heart and soul, and what I do in life… it is a part of me – that female side is part of me. I was not genetically born that way. As of now I have all the male parts, and all that kind of stuff, and in a lot ways we’re different, but we still identify as female… And that’s very hard for Bruce Jenner to say, because I don’t want to disappoint people.'

Sawyer told viewers that Jenner asked that male pronouns still be used - for now - when discussing him in the interview.

'You know what? It's going to be tough,' Jenner said of telling the world. 'I've been thinking about this day forever and what I should do with my life. How do I tell my story? How do I tell people what I've been through?'

Jenner, 65, said has had to deal with having 'the soul of a female' even as a young child dressing in dresses belonging to his mother and sisters.

'I was a lonely boy. I’m still a lonely big boy,' Jenner said. 'I don’t socialize a lot. I’m not an outgoing person. I never fit in.'

Jenner's children, mother and sister expressed their support on the special as did two of Jenner's three ex-wives. Kris Jenner was not heard from but later tweeted her support.

Jenner will continue to be called 'dad' by the family and did not reveal a female name.

'I'm not saying goodbye to me,' Jenner said. 'Because I've always been me.'

Jenner revealed that before meeting Kris Jenner, the Olympian had been taking female hormones for five years in the 1980s and was planning to transition back then before deciding not to after all.

Other select quotes from interview:

On sexuality: 'It’s apples or oranges. Sexuality is who you’re attracted to, who turns you on — gender identity is who you are, what is in your soul. I’m not gay.'

On briefly considering suicide:  'Then I thought no, I can't do that. I wanna see how this story ends.'

On ex-wife Kris Jenner: 'If she was really good with it and understanding we'd probably still be together. ... 'It's not what she expected. It was tough on her. ... I loved kris. Had a wonderful life with her. I learned a lot from her. I thought we had a pretty good sex life.'

On Keeping Up With the Kardashians reality show: 'We’ve done 425 episodes, I think, over almost 8 years. Over the entire run, I kept thinking to myself, ‘Oh my god. This whole thing, the one real true story in the family was the one I was hiding and nobody knew about it. The one thing that could really make a difference in people’s lives was right here in my soul, and I couldn’t tell it.'

On charges of seeking publicity:  'Would I go through a gender change and do all you need to do for that, for the show? Have you any idea what I've been going through all my life, and I'm doing it for publicity for a show? Oh my God.'

On being transgender: 'I'm not a girl in guy's body, I hate that, I am a person, it's who I am. My brain is much more female than it is male. It's hard for people to understand but that's what my soul is.'

SOURCE: GAY STAR NEWS

THIS IS THE WARRIOR'S ROLE

 Our warriors must again become warriors of righteous substance. They must know who they are and not fear retaliation from our "sworn enemies." 

The confused among us should pose no threat to our mission either. There is no excuse for us not protecting those who do not want to be consumed. Innocents must be sheltered from this sea of insanity. 

We must not allow those in the community who feel powerless or are innocent or ignorant, or both, to become victimized and consumed by the madness. This is the warrior's role.