I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Monday, July 9, 2012


My love is a beast, an epiphany, a whisper, a roar; if you can't rumble, don't attempt to make love with me.


Every episode of True Blood this
season has felt a bit like that love scene between Alcide and Sookie: There’s a
build up, but instead of reaching a climax, the action stops short. Enough with
the foreplay! This season needs to get it on already. With Russell located, a
fire monster in play, and masked bigots taking out shifters, it could be
go time. Then again, with so many story lines to set up, the writers may tease
us a little longer (Jesus’ head?). Let’s dig in.

start with that hot hookup: How does 6’5” Joe Manganiello fit on that couch?
That couldn’t have been comfortable. Lucky for him, they didn’t stay there
long. I’m thinking it was his Magic Mike hip action that made Sookie
decide she was done talking. Alcide carried her up the stairs to her bedroom,
like he was straight out of The Notebook. Truth: Him lifting her
was probably just practical -- how else would they get face-to-face with the
height difference? Even hotter: him taking off his belt and saying, “I’ve
waited so long for this.” She caressed his abs, as naturally you would, and
said his name. I thought she was going to pass out and fall backward, but it
was worse -- she puked on his shoes. Of course, that is the moment Eric
and Bill made their presence known. “Alcide, you sure know how to treat a
lady,” Eric said.

When we next saw the foursome, they
were in the kitchen. Sookie was wearing a T-shirt similar in color to the
lingerie she wore in her threesome dream with Eric and Bill last season.
Coincidence, because Anna Paquin just happens to look great in that color, or a
playful nod by the costume designer? Sookie was trying to sober up and hydrate,
and the boys were fighting over whether Alcide’s worker Doug had to get
involved in all this. Bill wanted Sookie to try to de-glamour him, since he was
the only one who knew who’d freed Russell. In her drunken mind, Sookie heard
them barking at each other. All she could do was laugh: She thought if she made
the choice to be with neither Bill nor Eric, she could actually live a normal
life. But here they are again, and bonus, a 3,000-year-old vampire (Russell)
wants to suck her blood. “Must be Thursday!” She put on her coat and that was
that -- the search is on. Good thing Tara had broken the window so Sookie
could make her exit there instead of having to take the slow walk to the front
door. Far less effective.

They went to see Doug at the parking
garage and Sookie held his hand and read his mind. She could see back to that
night. Bill knew from Sookie’s description of a pendant that the woman who’d
freed a skinless Russell was a female member of the Authority. Bill assumes it
was Nora, but Eric insists he didn’t tell her anything about them burying
Russell. (He looked like he might be lying though.) Cougar Town’s
Barb wears pearls, so she’s out. We’re supposed to think it’s Nora, but I still
believe Nora is covering for Salome. Both of them wear the pendant.

Salome asked Dieter for an update on
Bill and Eric’s whereabouts. He told her they’d visited the home of a local
waitress, and then a Kwik-E-Mart for a jumbo coffee and box of Nutter
Butters, and then a parking facility in Shreveport. (How did he know about the
coffee and Nutter Butters? I assume those were for Sookie. Did Bill expense
them? Can Dieter check their credit card records?) Salome told Dieter to have
Bill and Eric informed that they had until dawn to bring in Russell, or their
iStakes would be activated.

Salome went to see Roman, who was in
a special room that, to me, was Professor X-meets-America’s Next Top Model (the
water runway). Roman was wondering how Drew (who’s goo), cowriter of the
Vampire Rights amendment with Roman, could have lost his way -- and how he
hadn’t seen it. Salome reminded Roman that the Sanguinistas were
recruiting those closest to him. “Yes, no shit…” he said. It’s a funny line,
but also proof that we’ve been treading this same ground for weeks. Salome
wants Roman to “throw the religious base a bone,” he won’t hear of it. Blah,
blah, blah, blood of Lilith.

Doug’s memory led the Scooby Gang to
the deserted Babcock Hospital. We all would have been wondering what Sookie and
Alcide talked about during that drive, at least now we know it wasn’t that she
puked on his shoes (something he told her they won’t ever be speaking of again).
Bill and Eric were in the back of the truck, fighting over whether Nora had
orchestrated this whole thing: did she pretend to save them, only so she could
serve them up to Russell and negotiate for him to become her ally? Bill asked
what I’ve been asking for weeks: Why is she still alive? I think Salome is
setting them up, exactly as Bill described. The two boys would have come to
blows (or fangs) had Molly not called to tell them their countdown for iStake
detonation had begun. “Bummer, right?.... Good luck. And if you don’t make it,
it’s been rad serving you. Peace out,” she said. More Molly!

The actor who played Doug, Jayden
Lund, deserves a special shout-out. He was a truly stellar scaredy cat.
Bill and Eric wanted to split up and let Sookie stay outside with Doug and
Alcide (so they didn’t have to worry about her), but she told them she’d seen
enough horror movies to know you don’t separate when you’re in an asylum and
there’s a killer on the loose. Also, her and her microwave fingers will protect
them, not the other way around. And, she had a headache and had to pee, so she
wanted to get this over with. (So the jumbo coffee definitely was for her.)
Alcide gave a proud laugh, and inside the gang went.

Alcide quickly smelled that wolves
had been there. Bill said they would have come with Russell. Perhaps they’re
the ones the Authority member who freed Russell asked to bring him all those
bodies to feed on. Doug, who’d been glamoured into carrying Voldemort-looking
Russell the entire way apparently, continued his freakout. He’ll die never
having made it to New York City. “New York City smells like pee, and the
people are rude,” Eric said. Our first fight, Mr. Northman! It only smells like
pee during a summer heat wave.

When they stumbled onto rats eating severed
body parts, Alcide had to comfort Doug. How sweet! That's why you choose him
over a vamp, Sookie. Doug was whimpering by the time they found a body pile.
They headed toward the morgue and eventually heard a noise that made them think
they were being watched. Doug apologized, used the excellent term “holy
s---cakes,” and bolted. He ran -- straight into a room with humans on
hooks. One begged them to take the fatties first. He’d just lost 40 pounds
on the Atkins diet. He told them they take the people down the hall.
There’s screaming until there isn’t. Doug decided to stay in that room
-- big mistake, Doug. Do not separate!

They found Russell, in a hospital
bed. "It took you long enough," he said, commenting on all the noise
they'd made along the way. Eric quickly went to trash-talk mode. They were
there to finish what they'd started. As Talbot used to tell Russell when they
were buck hunting (Talbot hunted?), "Give it your best shot," Russell
said. At that moment, Alcide made a commotion. Perhaps the wolves or whoever is
guarding Russell moved in, and he turned. The promo for next week showed him
being dragged away on the ground, with just wolf eyes. Also in that promo:
Russell is recovered enough to walk, get in Sookie's face, and threaten to
drink her. Now the fun will begin.

Moving on to Tara, she was actually
interesting this hour! Pam let her borrow some of her clothes. I’d like to
think they’ll always coordinate their outfits so they’re in the same decade:
tonight’s bustier (Tara) and leather dress (Pam) felt very ‘80s. Pam made Tara
tend bar at Fangtasia, which seems like a good fit honestly. Tara tried to feed
on a willing patron, and Pam threatened to silver her in a coffin if she ever
did that again. It seems to me like “Do not feed in public or anywhere someone
could have a camera” would be a lesson Pam should have already gotten to. Or,
you know, just common sense.

Jessica showed up at Fangtasia and
ordered a drink (two parts O-, one part B+) from Tara. She was trying to
befriend Tara with an “It gets better” speech, and you were just waiting for
Tara to have some snarky comeback (in the vein of “Trade you makers”) and shut
her down. But she didn’t. With tears in her eyes, she admitted she felt crazy.
That was a great scene because it felt real -- like the joy you experience when
you're bitching about work at happy hour with colleagues, and the way you have
someone lean in so you can talk sex in public (or, in this case, how amazing
sex and feeding at the same time feels). For the first time, someone got
through to Tara: She has the same right to live her life to the fullest as
everyone else, and as a vampire, she’ll always be young and the world is open
to her. She actually smiled!

Next we saw Tara, she was outside
learning how quickly a vampire can smoke a cigarette when Hoyt walked up in his
goth wear. Seriously, was it ‘80s night at Fangtasia? The way he popped his
collar and showed his neck to entice Tara was ridiculous. She told him to go
home to his mama, and he walked away dejected, upset that his blood wasn’t good
enough for her. We should have suspected from the look on her face it was…

We eventually saw her feeding on Hoyt
in a bathroom stall, next to Jessica feeding on the girl who Tara had tried to
bite at the bar earlier. When Jessica realized it was Hoyt that Tara was
draining, almost to the point of death, she threw her off of him. Can't wait
for that fight to continue -- at least until Pam steps in and slaps some sense
into them both.

Now we can get to Jason. He had a
dream that he was a child, dressed in He-Man footie pajamas, with his parents
and Sookie. As his parents talked to him, blood squirted from vampire bites on
their necks. His mother had particularly good splatter -- and was talking about
how he should have sex, or at least a blowjob, to make himself feel better.

when he and Andy visited the crime scene for dead shifters Suzanne and Emory,
Jason asked Andy if he remembered how they'd gotten home. They each had
woken up naked (Ryan Kwanten butt shot!), and neither knew what happened after
the fairy bouncers zapped them. "Watch that homo talk, Stackhouse,"
Andy said. "Folks will sue you for that s---." Ha! Jason explained
that those men, along with those strippers in that club, were actual fairies --
"like Tinkerball" [sic]. "I f---ed a fairy?" Andy
asked. I can see the T-shirts on Cafepress now! Andy said he didn't care if the
woman he'd slept with was a fairy, leprechaun, or Ewok, he was going to
steer clear of that place so as not to ruin what he's started with Holly. I
hope it's not too late. I'm still thinking the fairies are trying to breed with
humans to increase their numbers. Why else fraternize?

Sam had told Andy that Suzanne,
Emory, and he were all shifters. When Jason found a wooden bullet with a silver
core in a tree near the house, they assumed the killers might be hunting
vampires as well -- or maybe all supes. “You know what’s f---ed up?” Jason said
to Andy. “I got a pretty long list," Andy said. Jason's realizing that
vampires have been killing humans for years and getting away with it by making
them look like natural deaths. Last we saw Jason, he was visiting his parents'
graves and had been crying. (A new depth for Jason!) I'm all for him finding
out the truth about his parents, and I assume he won't go all Fellowship of the
Sun again, but he's making me nervous...

Sam went to see Luna and tell her
that Suzanne and Emory were killed. She cried. She may have let Sam stay if
Emma wasn’t in her room making noise. When Sam left, a truckload of men wearing
masks was waiting. One yelled, “Hey, shifter!” and shot him in the gut. Luna
came running out, and they got her in the arm and gut. Emma came out, and Sam
told her to run. She shifted just in time, making herself a smaller target as a
wolf cub, and fled. Luna either died or passed out. Sam was still breathing.
One of the guys on the truck had been filming with a camera. It sped off. Those
yard shootings were more disturbing than anything we saw in the hospital this
episode. Do you think Luna's gone? What will that mean for Emma? Will she have
to go with her grandmother?

Terry's story line yielded some
answers this hour. He and Patrick were tied to chairs by Eller, who was
prepared to kill Terry if it meant "it" might let him be. The
"it" is an Ifrit, and yes, you can actually Google it. It's
a winged creature of smoke in Islamic mythology. According to the Britannica Online Encyclopedia,
"While ordinary weapons and forces have no power over them, they are
susceptible to magic, which humans can use to kill them or to capture and
enslave them." (Ah, so this is where Lafayette will come in...)

Eller said he saw this creature kill
their friend Kessler and his wife when he was crashing on their couch. Their
house was on fire, and the flames actually chased them. He saw the fire monster
look at him, and he bolted. Eller believed an Iraqi woman cursed them before
they killed her. Terry had a flashback that seemed to confirm it: She was wounded
but still alive after the gunfire. Terry wanted to help her, but Patrick told
him to "dead check" her because their only concern was themselves.
She said she wanted the Ifrit to burn them and everything they'd ever loved.
Terry put three more bullets in her. They poured gasoline on the pile of
bodies, and Eller tossed a lighter to set it ablaze. Terry saw the dark smoke
monster rise from the fire.

Terry told Eller he wasn't crazy --
he'd seen the Ifrit, too. He convinced him they had to leave the fire-retardant
shelter because they were sitting ducks there all together. Eller freed them,
and Patrick punched him out cold. He tied him up and told Terry they'd turn him
into the authorities and get him help the next morning. Patrick told Terry he
hadn't seen an Ifrit -- they were on drugs that night. Still, we saw the dark
smoke figure enter Eller's shelter and surround him, burning his face.

That brings us to Lafayette. He came
home, upset over the fact that he could have killed Sookie when he magically
screwed with her car, and saw his demon brujo face in the mirror. He tried to
pray to God, but when his figurines went all Wonderfalls on
him, he smashed them. "I’m good enough. Better than most. So cut me a
break," he said. He tried reaching out to Jesus for help. Later, he awoke
to mumbling and saw Jesus' severed head with his mouth sewed shut.
Lafayette screamed. Meanwhile, Lafayette's mother, Ruby, also awoke in her room
and saw the same thing. "Jesus. Where have you been?" she asked, as
if she wasn't looking at a severed head. Brilliant. He kept mumbling. She
understood him. The only thing I could decipher was “You have to tell

Your turn. What did you think of the
episode? What are your theories? Are you ready to see Roman get out of his
compound? We got a new suit this week, and next week, he's in a polo shirt (!),
but I want to see Chris Meloni do more than perform lengthy monologues
recapping his position for the 100th time and bowing down to the blood of
Lilith with the world's vampire leaders.



the first official single from the American pop/rock band's fourth album
"Overexposed", set for worldwide release on June 26th, 2012 via
A&M/Octone Records. "Payphone" features rapper Wiz Khalifa. This
is catchy! The new single is a radio-friendly mellow pop/rock tune. The chorus
is classic Maroon 5, while Wiz kills it on his verse. "Payphone" is
currently (week 27, 2012) in the HOT100 Billboard charts at position 2. 

I'm at a payphone trying to
call home

All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made
for two?

Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember
The people we used to be
It's even harder to picture
That you're not here next to me
You say it's too late to make it
But is it too late to try?
And in our time that you wasted
All of our bridges burned down

I've wasted my nights
You turned out the lights
Now I'm paralyzed
Still stuck in that time when we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made
for two?

If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairytales are full of sh*t
One more stupid love song I'll be sick

You turned your back on tomorrow
Cause you forgot yesterday
I gave you my love to borrow
But just gave it away
You can't expect me to be fine
I don't expect you to care
I know I've said it before
But all of our bridges burned down

I've wasted my nights
You turned out the lights
Now I'm paralyzed
Still stuck in that time when we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made
for two?

If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairytales are full of sh*t
One more stupid love song I'll be sick

Now I'm at a payphone...

[Wiz Khalifa]
Man work that sh*t
I'll be out spending all this money while you
sitting round
Wondering why it wasn't you who came up from
Made it from the bottom
Now when you see me I'm stunning
And all of my cars start with the push up a button
Telling me the chances I blew up or whatever you
call it
Switched the number to my phone
So you never could call it
Don't need my name on my show
You can tell it I'm ballin'
Swish, what a shame could have got picked
Had a really good game but you missed your last
So you talk about who you see at the top
Or what you could've saw
But sad to say it's over for
Phantom pulled up valet open doors
Wiz like go away, got what you was looking for
Now ask me who they want
So you can go and take that little piece of sh*t
with you

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made
for two?

If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairytales are full of sh*t
One more stupid love song I'll be sick

Now I'm at a payphone...

Maroon 5 Payphone lyrics found on DIRECTLYRICS


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