I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.

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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

FORGIVE WITHOUT KNOWING

Isn't it amazing how we can carry around dislike for the things others did to us for years on end and not know that it is no longer there? Events from being a young(er) gay male had me in place where I believed that if I get over the fence, I should bring others over as well and I foolishly thought that the others shared this sentiment. I soon found out that I was DEAD wrong!


I had a friend that I hung out with, we went to parties, clubs, movies etc. I paid his way, put gas in his car all because he had very little money. But I didn’t mind because I believed he would do the same for me. As time passed he told me of his desire to buy a townhouse of his own. I thought that was a good idea and something we all should work on achieving one day. He informed me that he called the bank and they told him what he needed and he said that he was set. Now being puzzled  I asked what he meant by that, he said, ‘I have over 100 grand saved in the bank just for this purpose.’ @ That moment you could have knocked me over with a feather because here I was helping someone who said over and over he had no money and asked me to help him. Many say that he was just protecting himself and that he did what he thought was right. Some say I shouldn't have cut off the friendship, but @ the time I did what I felt was best given that I helped him not just financially.

Now fast forward to the present, the same guy is a member of the gym I go to and though we don’t chat and get caught up on each other’s lives, we acknowledge each other’s presence. I never hated him, but I knew that I was hurt by how he chose to treat our friendship, and it is nice to know that I forgave him without either of us even knowing I did. I guess in the process, time took care of everything and I am glad to see that I cleared this weed in the gardens of my soul. I can only hope he finds a way to do the same as I remember the things he had to deal with when we were close friends.

30 DAYS TO A BETTER MAN DAY 10: MEMORIZE "IF"

Before Google and the internet, people memorized stuff. When your grandpa went to school, memorization was the main method of learning, and he had to commit things like the Gettysburg Address and sonnets by William Shakespeare to memory. Decades ago, rote leaning went entirely out of fashion amongst educators, in favor of helping students think creatively and problem solve. Yet, the pendulum swung a bit too far, and the baby got chucked out with the bathwater. For in truth, there are many advantages to memorizing information. After all, while it’s important to be able to think and apply knowledge, if you don’t have any knowledge to apply, knowing how to apply it is pretty useless. This is where memorization comes in.
The ancient Greeks understood this. They began the schooling of their young men by having them memorize the poetry of Homer or the wise words of Solon, the founder of Athenian democracy. The Athenians believed that by memorizing great poetry they were helping their citizens develop a mastery of language that would serve them well in the halls of the Assembly. Moreover, memorization of noble poetry burned the ideals of Athenian society deep into the souls of its citizens.
The West’s most famous wordsmith, William Shakespeare, gained his education by memorizing the epic poetry of the classical world. Through this practice, the Bard developed an ear for the sophisticated rhythms and patterns of language, helping him churn out some of civilization’s most cherished pieces of literature. Moreover, by memorizing the myths and stories of the ancient world, Shakespeare had a fountain of creative resources to draw upon as he wrote his plays.
Almost the entirety of Abraham Lincoln’s education was self-directed. Lacking formal schooling, he consumed books with an insatiable desire, reading snatches of them whenever he could. He also committed to memory numerous passages from his favorite books. It enabled him to learn the musicality present in great writing. It’s no coincidence that the mind that produced the Gettysburg Address had at its immediate disposable snippets from the world’s finest authors.
These days, people have to google something if they want to remember the words to a poem or some other famous piece of literature. Heck, we even need Google to remember the capital of Vermont. In a recent article in the Atlantic Monthly, one writer makes the case that Google is making us dumber. And he’s probably right.
So today, we’re going reverse the trend of having to depend on the Google crutch by memorizing Rudyard Kipling’s poem If. Let’s get started.

Why Memorize Things

There are countless benefits to memorizing great poems and passages. Here are a few for consideration:
Improved writing. As you memorize great poetry and other worthy pieces of literature, you’ll be begin to internalize the rhythm and structure employed by some of the world’s greatest writers. Etching these things into your brain allows some of that magic to make it’s way into your own writing. Benjamin Franklin was a believer. According to his autobiography, Franklin set out to improve his writing by memorizing the works of writers he admired.
Increased vocabulary. In the course of memorizing, you’ll undoubtedly encounter words you’ve never seen or don’t know the meaning of. By memorizing the word within the context of the poem, it will be easier to recall its meaning and use it later than if you had tried to memorize the word alone.
A more interesting personality. I’ve always been impressed by that very rare man who can weave a snippet of a great speech or poem into a conversation. Being able to throw some inspiration from Wordsworth or a bit of wit from Twain into your conversations can definitely distinguish  you as a gentleman of letters. The trick is to be discriminating when you start reciting stuff. If you do it too much or at the wrong times, you’ll just make yourself look like a pompous ass.
A strengthened backbone. The most important benefit of memorizing passages from great works is that you’ll be storing up a treasure trove of wisdom and knowledge that you can immediately access  when you need extra motivation to man up. Feeling a little nervous while you’re waiting in the lobby for a job interview? Recite Theodore Roosevelt’s “Man in the Arena”to yourself. Perhaps you’ve been put in a leadership position and need to get psyched up to lead your group to success. Mull over the words to the “St. Crispen’s Day” speech. There’s probably a poem or a great speech that can be used to motivate you for any facet of your life.

Tips on Memorizing

When I was in law school, I often had to memorize 40 pages of a class outline. So I was always looking for new ways to improve my ability to memorize.
I’m a big fan of the peg system, the link system, and mindmaps. Unfortunately, I found these techniques useless for memorizing 40 page law school outlines filled with abstract legal doctrine. So I came up with my own system, which I call “brute force memorization.” It ain’t pretty or efficient, but it gets the job done.

The Brute Force Memorization Process

While reading the sentence I want to memorize aloud,  I’ll type it into my computer. I repeat this process five times with each line of data I want to memorize. In this way, I get visual stimulation by reading and auditory stimulation from the reading aloud. And writing things down is one of the best ways to remember things. These three things done simultaneously produce a trifecta of memorizing power.
And of course, repetition crams the info into your brain. If I’m having trouble memorizing a particular piece of information, I’ll keep repeating the process until I’ve got it down
I’ve been doing this for years and it has always helped me remember those pesky details I’ve needed to know for school or other things.
Caveat: I don’t completely abandon other memorizing techniques while doing this. I often incorporate them in the process when I see they would work. For example, something else I’ll do is a technique that was used by those memorization gurus, the ancient Greeks. The Greeks are the originators of mnemonic devices (from “mnemonikos” which is itself derived from Mnemosyne, the name of the Goddess of Memory). Orators faced the daunting task of memorizing long speeches and employed the “method of loci” in order to do so. They would picture a house and place “objects” (words they wanted to remember from the speech or poem) in different rooms in the imaginary house. Then, to remember the speech, they would “walk” through the house picking up each “object” as they went.

Today’s Task: Memorize If by Rudyard Kipling

Exercising your memorization muscles is clearly beneficial, but many men are totally out of practice or have never tried. So today we’re going to start working out those muscles, starting with one of the manliest poems ever written- If- by Rudyard Kipling. It’s a poem that every man should have thoroughly lodged in his head, ready to conjure up whenever he’s feeling down.
It’s not too short, but it’s not too long either. I think memorizing it is doable in the next day or two. Go to it!

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