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I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.

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Monday, November 9, 2009

¿CAN GAY & STRAIGHT MEN EVER HAVE A REAL HONEST FRIENDSHIP/ALLIANCE?





The idea of homosexuality, and of men dealing with it, can be a natural AND contemporary thing; and though there are honest bonds between straight AND homosexual men, I tend to befriend men that are homosexual in nature. Now I know that cannot be a healthy way to live, but living in a world where I am NOT seen as a valuable member of the male species can you blame me? I’ve learned over the years how to compartmentalize my sexuality AND avoid creating any type of friendship with hetero men. As a self assured gay man, the idea of giving the hetero man that much power over me is unsettling; and I’ve often wondered if there ever will be a way to TRULY NORMALIZE friendships/alliances between homosexual AND homosexual men?

Homosexual and heterosexual men have ALWAYS had a strained relationship. One of the biggest strains if NOT THE SINGLE BIGGEST STRAIN between us is caused by the confusion about our outright disregard for the sexual boundaries of heterosexual men. Homosexual expression between adult men has always been thought of as a minority occurrence, so while homosexual males have to deal with straight males throughout their lives, heterosexual males have limited experience dealing with male homosexuality. Further, for the better part of human history, homosexual expression between adult men has been forbidden or scorned, so heterosexual males weren’t supposed to know how to deal with male homosexuality. So with homosexuality going against the rules, is there a need to establish rules for interacting socially with homosexuals?

If we as men are to interact as peers and friends in a society that forbids homosexuality, how does one establish some universal ground rules when it is only acceptable to appreciate a hetero man from a distance? Be it your personal barber OR doctor, it is BIG NO-NO to offer him an innocent compliment, no matter the nature of the accolade. A friendly handshake with a slight hug is usually accepted, but anything beyond that WILL be misconstrued as a sexual advance and it WILL run the risk of taking things in the area feared by both hetero and homo men alike. But what is this area exactly? Moreover, why does it exist?

The reason it exists is one of THE BIGGEST stereotype of all. The notion that most gay men can’t OR don’t refrain from hitting on straight men is simply NOT TRUE! The REAL stereotype is the tendency for them to see us ONLY through the lens of sexual orientation. Despite THE FACT that some homosexual males like to imagine they could “turn” any straight man OR that all straight men secretly have homosexual fantasies…they have NO right to place all of us in that box…And the same thing can be said for the homosexual that take advantage of THE FACT, that some straight men are more “available” than others…If we are to establish a common ground with each other instead of just making assumptions about one another, isn’t time that we open our minds to the fact that sexuality though it may be a scary thing, is THE most human element we all share?

But before we can share this element with each other, we need to establish THE ONE element that is essential to any meaningful friendship and that’s TRUST! We need to be able to trust that we aren’t scheming to secretly poke him in the butt AND that he isn’t trying to put a knife in ours…By building TRUST, both sides can understand AND respect each other’s sexuality…Until then, I will stay in my compartmentalized part of the world…


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