I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Wednesday, June 11, 2014


Charlie doesn’t like when he’s confused. And when Charlie is confused by something, he makes it known.

He isn’t the mealy-mouthed type, in the least.

So when he and his friend, Sarah, met up for their weekly lunch date, she was hardly surprised when he shared something that had been plaguing his mind for quite some time.
“I don’t understand lesbian sex,” said Charlie, his candor unmitigated.

“What do you mean? What isn’t there to get? It’s all about the connection you have with your partner and making sure there is mutual satisfaction,” retorted Sarah (who happens to be a lesbian), in a slightly perplexed tone.

“I mean, I get that, but what goes in where? I mean head is cool and all, but it ain’t the ‘real thing.’ I don’t know, I guess I’ll just never get it,” Charlie conceded.  He simply wasn’t buying into Sarah’s explanation.

Clearly, the two hold countervailing views of what should be classified as sex. If we take the objective route and consult Merriam-Webster, sex is defined as “sexually motivated phenomena or behavior.”

Um…thanks for nothing, Merriam-Webster. How about we dig a little bit deeper.

The next entry defines sex as “sexual intercourse.”

Ok, so what is “sexual intercourse”? Merriam-Webster lists two definitions:
1)   Heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the vagina by the penis; coitus.
2)   Intercourse (as anal or oral intercourse) that does not involve the penetration of the vagina by the penis.

If we were to extract one of these definitions and put it in context (re: lesbian sex), the second listing is clearly the one that would be applicable in the case of Charlie and Sarah’s discussion, right? If so, why was Charlie even stumped in the first place? Answer: In Charlie’s mind (and arguably in the minds of most individuals), sex necessitates penile penetration—whether that refers to anal or vaginal penetration matters not. Now we understand why Charlie was confounded by the idea of sex between two women.

Is Charlie wrong in his view that sex is restricted only to acts where there is penile penetration? If his logic were to hold, he would also be reluctant to classify fellatio or cunnilingus as sex, as well. In doing so, has he relegated any sexual act (aside from vaginal or anal intercourse) as nothing more than foreplay?
It would seem so.

A 2011 study by The Journal of Sexual Medicine attempted to shed some light on some of the common sexual behaviors of gay and bisexual men. Aptly titled “Sexual Behaviors and Situational Characteristics of Most Recent Male-Partnered Sexual Event among Gay and Bisexually Identified Men in the United States,” the study found that “gay and bisexually identified men have a diverse sexual repertoire and that partnered sexual behaviors are not limited solely to acts of penile insertion.” Below are more detailed findings:

The most commonly reported behavior was kissing a partner on the mouth (74.5%), followed by oral sex (72.7%), and partnered masturbation (68.4%). Anal intercourse occurred among less than half of participants (37.2%) and was most common among men ages 18–24 (42.7%).[i]

While this is only a redacted set of data from a relatively small sample, the findings are still quite compelling. Obviously for a significant swath of respondents, oral sex and even mutual masturbation were performed much more routinely than anal intercourse.

So much for “the real thing.”

Do the results corroborate Sarah’s personal definition of sex? I’m inclined to say yes.

Now if Charlie personally feels as though sex sans anal penetration is dissatisfying, that is absolutely fine. We all know our bodies and what is pleasurable to us. However, if his behavior is dictated solely by what hebelieves is the protocol with regard to homosexual intercourse, I would implore that he reconsider his thoughts.

At the end of the day, our sex life if just that: ours. Sadly, I think many homosexuals are so fixated on delineating sex as nothing more than anal intercourse, simply because it is the closest parallel we can make to that of heterosexual intercourse. And that is, indeed, quite a slippery slope.

For if both parties are content and are coming (oh come on, I had to!) back for more, isn’t that what makes sex, sex?

Maybe Sarah was onto something, after all.



ST. LOUIS — Michael Sam is confident he’ll be judged on performance.

The first openly gay player drafted in the NFL said Friday there have been no issues fitting in with his St. Louis Rams teammates, no awkward moments in the locker room and that he was accepted right away.

“They respect me as a human being,” he said. “And as a football player.”

Being a bit of a cut-up helps cut the ice, too. Sam skipped all of the media days last season at Missouri while saving his announcement for February, but teammates will tell you he has quite a sense of humor and is not the least bit sensitive about off-color jokes that can fly behind closed doors.

“If anybody had any reservations about who he was to begin with, he wins them over pretty quick,” said wide receiver T.J. Moe, who played with Sam at Missouri. “They’re laughing so hard, they can’t breathe.”

Defensive tackle Michael Brockers said Sam was asked to stand up and tell a joke on Friday. The verdict: “Totally funny.”

“We don’t really focus on the outside stuff,” Brockers added. “He’s our brother, he’s on our D-line and that’s where it sits.”

Working out with the full squad this week, Sam realizes he must step up his game to carve out a spot on a loaded defensive line. He said he’s spending a lot of time poring over the playbook, too.
No doubt the Rams will give Sam every chance to succeed. But like any seventh-round pick, it’s an uphill battle.

“It’s faster, you’ve got to learn a lot more plays, you’ve got to know what you’re doing,” Sam said after a two-hour session. “You’re supposed to perform at a high level and I’m doing pretty good.”

Sam got a lot of snaps at left end with the second team defense, moving up on the depth chart because veteran William Hayes is rehabbing from an injury. He’s been getting a lot of work on special teams, where the Rams might break him in.

The Rams had one of the top pass rushes in the NFL last year with ends Robert Quinn, second in the NFL in sacks, and Chris Long both former first-round picks. So are tackles Brockers and rookie Aaron Donald, plus Kendall Langford was a major free agent pickup a year ago.

“I’m telling you, they get after it,” Sam said. “I thought our D-line at Mizzou was pretty tough. This is a whole new level.”

Everyone, Sam said, has been willing to help. Nobody, Long said, gives a hoot about the fact he’s gay.

“Only the media cares,” Long said. “The players don’t care, we just care about what kind of football player you are.

“We got a steal in whatever round we took him in.”

Players picked way ahead of him don’t seem to mind that Sam’s getting more attention.

“He’s a cool guy,” Donald said. “We get along well and we’re trying to get ready for the season together.”

The 260-pound Sam was the SEC co-defensive player of the year last season. After the Rams took him with the 249th overall pick late in the seventh round, general manager Les Snead called him a designated pass rusher.

Sam said he’s probably going to have to shed some weight to be effective on special teams.

Among the early goals for the Rams (7-9) is getting Greg Robinson, the second overall pick, accustomed to a new position. Robinson was a tackle at Auburn and the Rams have him at guard.
“I can get my hands on them faster, so it’s something I think I can grow into,” Robinson said. “But I’m a little rusty. It’s been a while since I played guard.”

Veterans were challenged, too, by new wrinkles in the playbook.
“Just knocking the rust off, I think, is the biggest thing,” Brockers said. “Like coach Fisher said, we’re not going to win the division in these next few OTAs.”



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