Nearly every time a marriage
survey is taken, whether to determine why people get divorced, or why they stay
together, it seems that having a healthy sex life (or the lack thereof) is near
the top of the husband’s list – even for same-gender-loving married couples.
The overwhelming majority of husbands would agree
that regular sexual intimacy is a top need in their lives. But why? Why is this
such a dominant issue for men?
I don’t have to tell you (guys) that the primary
reason is biological. Our God-created physiology creates a physical need for
regular sexual release. If this need isn’t satisfied, we are less emotionally
engaged with our partner, more emotionally tuned out to his needs and the needs
of our family, and just overall – quite irritable. We are also much more
susceptible to sexual temptation. Yes, we have choices to make, and are totally
responsible for making the right or wrong ones – but the physical pressures are
still very real.
The second reason is that we, like woman, have a
real need to connect emotionally with the person we love. While the world tends
to write us off as sex-starved cavemen – we are also endowed by the Creator
with a deep emotional need to be loved, desired and connected to our spouse.
In numerous books written on the subject by tons
of noted authors (including myself) underscore the fact that sex has a deep
emotional impact on men. On every occasion when men are interviewed about
different aspects of marriage. Not surprisingly, sex dominated their expressed
needs and desires.
In study after study it has been confirmed that
the vast majority of men indicated that being sexually fulfilled in marriage
significantly impacted their confidence and their masculinity. Never forget
that a healthy sex life gives your partner a sense of well-being and
satisfaction with life.
Both gay men and lesbian women have strong
emotional needs for intimacy. The act of sex remains the primary response that
gives men the feelings of closeness, caring and romance that they greatly need.
That is why the great majority of men would say they don’t just want an unemotional,
“let’s get this over with” experience in bed. Their emotional needs are not
automatically met by having a physical release. Men desperately need to know
that their companion desires them, finds them attractive and gets great
satisfaction through sexual intimacy. Your love, expressed through sexual
intimacy, gives your companion a sense of well-being like nothing else can!
HOW TO GET THE SPARKS FLYING IN YOUR BEDROOM AGAIN!
Are you married? If you are, you likely love your
husband. With that said, love isn't always enough to keep a relationship going
strong. Intimacy is very important to having a strong, happy, and healthy
How is your life in the bedroom? Do you think that
your sex and intimacy can be improved? If so, you may be nervous about
discussing the subject with your husband. After all, your husband may wrongly
get the impression that he doesn't satisfy you anymore.
If you are interested in improving your intimacy
with your husband, consider the approaches below:
If you and your husband have been married for a
while, there is a good chance that you haven't gone out on a date in a while.
Many married couples get to a point in their relationship that is commonly
called "the comfort zone." This zone is not one that you want to be
in, as your relationship may feel more like a friendship. To prevent this from
happening, ask your husband out on a date.
Don’t always leave it up to your husband to do the
date asking, you sometimes have to take hold of the situation yourself. Now may
be one of those times. Choose an activity that is romantic, such as a romantic
comedy for a movie or a nice restaurant. This can help to spark a little bit of
romance and passion in your relationship, which may lead to better and closer
intimacy at home.
2. Show Romantic Gestures
When it comes to "wowing," in a
relationship, we often make the mistake of thinking that our partner should be
the one to do it.
You will also want to "wow," your
husband, like you did the first time that you met. One of the easiest ways to
do so is by performing a number of romantic gestures. When out shopping with
your husband, grab his hand and hold it. I realize that we still live in a very
homophobic world where it may not always be appropriate to do this publically,
but when it is – do it!
When walking by him in the house, give him a quick
kiss. Sending a love note to work with him is another romantic gesture that you
may want to try.
3. Be Sexy and Seductive
If your marriage enters into the above mentioned
comfort zone, sex and intimacy may seem like a thing of the past. If you do
have sex, it may seem more like a responsibly, a chore, or even work. To help
reduce these feelings, be sexy and seductive. Do not wait for your husband to
initiate sex and do not ask if your husband is up for it first, just get right
down to business. Strip for your husband or simply just remove his clothes.
Snuggle next to him on the couch and just start massaging his whole body. You
may be surprised just how easy and effective it is to be sexy and seductive.
4. Be Spontaneous
As it was previously stated, do not ask your
husband if he wants to have sex and do not wait for him to start. Instead, take
matters into your own hands. Whether you start with a little bit of foreplay or
jump right into the intercourse, do so. Your husband should like the surprise.
Also, remember that being spontaneous involves having sex at different times of
the day, as well as in different locations of the house.
5. Offer to Experiment In the Bedroom
To improve sex and intimacy it is important to
know that a change can do you good. You may want to suggest to your husband
that you experiment in the bedroom or take him up on his suggestion to do so.
Remember that experimenting in the bedroom doesn't have to mean getting an
additional sex partner or doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. A
new sex position may be just what your relationship needs.
6 ways to get the sex you want from your man
Make feedback sexy, not strained
Improving your sex life doesn’t have to mean a
stilted discussion. The change can come from in-the-throes encouragement rather
than pointing out his flaws. Show him how you’d like to be touched by grazing
his body gently with your fingers rather than grabbing. Moaning, increased
urgency and verbal enthusiasm will let him know what turns you on, while gentle
redirection with hand or body position will show him what doesn’t.
Foreplay should be a progression, not a sprint.
Watching a sexy movie together, flirting over a romantic meal, whispering
compliments in the midst of a crowded party or cooking breakfast together can
all be a prelude to more connected sex. Slow-burning foreplay isn’t only better
for you: Longer foreplay helps men synchronize with their partners, giving them
better control over ejaculation. And according to a “Men’s Health” survey, more
than 75 percent of men said that they want foreplay to last 15 minutes or more.
Get the timing right
Most couples fall into a rut of having sex at
bedtime, but the workweek is often the worst time for rock-the-firmament
lovemaking. In a survey, 64 percent of men said that exhaustion, stress and
packed schedules are the three biggest sex blockers and their No. 1 turn-off.
So switch up your regular schedule: Order dinner in after a stressful day and
canoodle while you wait, or indulge a lazy Saturday morning in bed — times when
you’re both stress-free, well-rested and better able to focus on one another.
Foster a feeling of emotional closeness
A third of men say that feeling emotionally
connected is the most important part of mind-blowing sex. Open your eyes and
savor the moment. Pause to breathe and establish eye contact between kisses, be
aware of every touch and caress and be open in conveying your pleasure. The
more secure you both feel, the less guarded sex will become.
Quell his insecurities
While you may feel shy about stripping down, men
are most insecure about pleasing you physically. Let him know what he’s doing
right. What turns men on most in bed, according to 39 percent of the men
surveyed, is not that you have a perfect body or sexy bedtime attire. It’s your
unbridled enthusiasm. So grip the sheets. Beg. Plead. For men, there’s no
better way to ease his fears than to show him you’re enjoying yourself.
Take the lead
According to a 2006 “Men’s Health”/“Cosmopolitan”
survey, 66 percent of men wish their companions would initiate sex more often.
Men want to feel wanted. And harnessing your sexual instincts may have a
scientific basis as well. An Illinois State University researcher found that if
you initiate sex as often as our husband does in your relationship, you will
most certainly experience the joy, the thrill and fulfillment of having a more
satisfying sex life; so don’t always leave it up to your partner to be the
instigator when it comes to sex.