I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Sunday, April 22, 2012


“Parents are our blessing; parents are our
burden.”  Whenever I make a new connection with a gay individual one of
the questions I usually ask is if they have told their parents that they are
gay and if so how did their parents react.  I am amazed at the variety of
responses that people share.  The reactions from parents are varied,
insane, and are as numerous as the drops of water in the ocean.  Some
parents could care less about their child’s gayness- they were hippies in their
own time, believe in free love, and just want their child to be happy. 
Other parents completely ignore the idea that their child is Gay- they know it
but they don’t acknowledge it. These parents just try to convince
themselves that everything is going to be ok as long as they never talk about it. 
Some ultra Christian parents plead the blood of Jesus all over the place and
pray that their child is “healed” or “delivered” from being gay.  The
angry parents try to force their child to just stop being gay and frown upon or
even forbid certain mannerisms, clothes, or anything else they deem “too
gay.”  My mother’s way of dealing with my coming out to her was convenient
amnesia.  She acts like she forgets that I’m gay.  Some parents
experience a combination of the aforementioned responses and the child must
deal with their reaction accordingly.  As a parent, no matter how you
respond to your child’s coming out one thing I know for sure is that you can
never “Un-say” any negative statement once you have said it.  Spoken words
are concrete.  So I offer the following advice to parents.  

before you speak.   I understand that you are worried about your
child, you fear the bullies in the classroom as youth and in the board room as
adults.  I realize that the gay life for your child is not the plan you had
for them.  I know that you are worried about depression, HIV/Aids, and
perhaps their souls or relationship with their faith.  I know that in your
mind you have their best interests at heart and are concerned about what people
will say.  I’m sure you question the idea of grandchildren.  I get
that you are confused and lost because you have no idea what it means to be
gay.  You have watched too many news stories, read too many articles, and
have held too many prejudices to try to be content with your child’s
gayness.  I know that you are hurt, upset, worried, afraid, and
confused.  I also know that you 
love your child
and that one day the love for your child will strengthen you to see past their
sexuality.  When that day comes your relationship with your child will be
hindered because of the negativity you spoke.  Don’t speak rashly, think
before you speak!  Think of the courage it takes for them to live their
truth.  Think of the worry, the guilt, and the fear that your son has had
to overcome as he tries to figure out if you will still love him.  Imagine
the thoughts that he constantly endures as he wonders if he is allowed to come
to family functions and how he will be treated once there.  Close your
eyes and visualize him crying every night beating himself emotionally because
he doesn’t have the power to change who he is.  Picture him begging God to
change him.  See him trying to figure out why he is being punished. 
Think of how alone and afraid he is as he determines that the very people who
should love him unconditionally seemingly don’t.  Put yourself in his
shoes and think of how you would feel at his age having to tell your parents
the same thing.  Think, feel, and imagine your child’s pain, grief, and
worry.  It is pathetic that we live in a world that would rather see
someone sacrifice their own happiness so that others could feel better about

it is sad that some parents have expressed more hate to their children than a
stranger ever could.  If you have already talked crazy to your child
please remember exactly what you said.  Not what you intended or meant-
REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID.  Remember how you said it.  Remember the
moment you said it.  Unless it was positive, unless in substance it
reflected unconditional love and acceptance you were wrong.  If you said
anything mean, hurtful, or hateful to your child- you were wrong!  If you
have ever called him a sissy or worse yet a faggot-you were wrong!  If you
ever told your son to stop walking a certain way, or saying things a certain
way- you were wrong!  If you ever allowed a family member to berate or
belittle your child- you were wrong!  If you ever told him that God hates
him- you were wrong!  If you ever told your child you did not or would not
support him in this “lifestyle”- you were wrong!  If you called him nasty
or unnatural- you were wrong!  If you told him that he needs to be
straight and change- you were wrong!  If you told him that being gay is a
choice- you were wrong!  As a parent your job is to love your child. 
Your job is not to like or even agree with everything they do but it is your
job to love the way no one else can.  It is wrong to hurt them and say you
are trying to protect them.  Love is patient.  Love is kind. 
You are wrong if you purposely hurt someone in the name of love.  Your
words cut deep and cannot be taken back once you have said them.  I do
suggest you apologize and pray that they forgive you.  Unfortunately,
while they may forgive they will never EVER forget- they always remember what
you said, how you said and when you said it.  Speak responsibly. 
1Luv, DL 


About The Movie:

When a quartet of women get their mitts on comedian-turned- 

Steve Harvey’s best-seller Act Like a Lady, Think Like a 

Man, they set out to
put the book’s man-wrangling rules to practice 

in their respective
relationships. Mya (Good) forces her new player 

beau (Romany Malco) to wait for
sex; Kristen (Union) makes her 

man-child boyfriend (Entourage’s Jerry Ferrara)
get his act together; 

Candace (Regina Hall) tries to wrest Michael (Terrence

from his mother’s clutches; and Lauren (Henson) attempts to 

her dude (Michael Ealy) into a higher tax bracket. These 

men eventually realize
that they’re being manipulated, so they 

game the ladies right back—which
naturally blows up in their faces.

What Is Good About The Movie:

The cast
sparkles, with comedian Kevin Hart providing
most of the major laughs, and with cameos from Chris Brown and Wendy Williams. And the dialogue proves smart and
punchy, with hilarious banter traded between the sexes.

The film
touched on some the most universal conflicts in modern relationships -- dating
as a single parent, dating someone at a different income level, negotiating
sex, and discussing marriage with Steve Harvey directly quoting from his book that the movie is based upon. 

As a gay man, it was especially
refreshing to see that the plot didn't rely on clueless women trying to
"fix" themselves for some man rather, both the male and female
characters were confronted with their relationship demons. But what may be
almost unique about the film is the way it will resonate with men. It is
 NICE to watch a movie
 didn't resort to male-bashing. This
film simply
 AND truthfully points out the men's issues and flaws without
casting them as villains or foes. 

This film brought a few tears to my eyes and after the endless years of discussions about the failure
of black relationships (and films that has NOTHING to do with Tyler Perry), Think Like A Man 

may be a film to help bring
men and women back to a place of laughter and love. 

What Is Bad About The Movie:

I couldn't find anything.

Overall Grade:




In the line at the store, the cashier
told the

older woman
that plastic

bags weren’t
good for the environment. The

woman apologized to her and

explained, “We didn’t have the green

back in my day.”

That’s right, they didn’t have the

thing in her day. Back then,

they returned their milk bottles,
Coke bottles

and beer bottles to the

store. The store sent them back to
the plant

to be washed and

sterilized and refilled, using the

bottles over and over. So they

really were recycled. But they didn’t

the green thing back in her


In her day, they walked up stairs,

they didn’t have an

escalator in every store and office

They walked to the

grocery store and didn’t climb into a

300-horsepower machine every time

they had to go two blocks. But she’s

They didn’t have the green

thing in her day.

Back then, they washed the baby’s

because they didn’t have the

throw-away kind. They dried clothes
on a line,

not in an energy

gobbling machine burning up 220 volts
– wind

and solar power really did

dry the clothes. Kids got
hand-me-down clothes

from their brothers or

sisters, not always brand-new
clothing. But

that old lady is right,

they didn’t have the green thing back
in her


Back then, they had one TV, or radio,
in the

house – not a TV in every

room. And the TV had a small screen
the size

of a pizza dish, not a

screen the size of the state of
Montana. In

the kitchen, they blended

and stirred by hand because they
didn’t have

electric machines to do

everything for you. When they
packaged a

fragile item to send in the

mail, they used wadded up newspaper
to cushion

it, not Styrofoam or

plastic bubble wrap. But they didn't
have the

green thing back then.

Back then, they didn’t fire up an
engine and

burn gasoline just to cut

the lawn. They used a push mower that
ran on

human power. They

exercised by working so they didn’t
need to

go to a health club to run

on treadmills that operate on
electricity. But

she’s right, they didn’t

have the green thing back then.

They drank from a fountain when they

thirsty, instead of using a

cup or a plastic
bottle every time they had a

drink of water. They

refilled pens with ink, instead of
buying a

new pen, and they replaced

the razor blades in a razor
instead of

throwing away the whole razor

just because the blade got dull. But

didn’t have the green thing

back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar
and kids

rode their bikes to

school or rode the school bus,
instead of

turning their moms into a

24-hour taxi service. They had one

outlet in a room, not an

entire bank of sockets to power a

appliances. And they didn’t

need a computerized gadget to receive
a signal

beamed from satellites

2,000 miles out in space in order to
find the

nearest pizza joint.

But that old lady is right. They
didn’t have

the green thing back in

her day.



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