I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Tuesday, September 27, 2011



Am I the only one to find it extremely
amazing what with all the fucking, kinky fucking at that, not to mention all
the drugging they do, that the rates for Whites miraculously seem to stay
the same, while the rates for us Blacks steadily skyrocket, according
to various reports.  Plus, when you consider the number of Whites who like
to have their Mandingo fantasies fulfilled in the arms of us "highly
diseased and infected"'d think their infection rates would
rise just a little bit, but no, its just us Black folk. Could it be that more
Blacks go to clinics that file and report their findings, and more Whites go to
private doctors who may be golf buddies with their fathers, etc., and those
results are NOT being accurately documented and reported???  I just
refused to believe, that with as much as Whites do, the infection rates are
that vastly different. My thoughts, anyway....

Actually, studies show that blacks,
along w/ hispanics/Latinos are the fastest growing segments, largely due to
poverty, less education, more cultural homophobia that has led many in both
groups to prefer the term 'men having sex w/ men' & not gay, as the culture
educates, encultures & encourages/demands that men on both groups must be
'real men', that 'gay' is a white 'social problem', that blacks/latinos first
responsibility is to maintain a public image & not embrass/degrade the
'race' by 'misbehaving'. This has led to a great deal of 'down-low'--I'm sure
u're VERY familiar w/ the term, which much like youths' ideas that only VAGINAL
intercourse is 'really sex' & thus take 'vows of chastity until marriage'
or 'abstinence pledges' while believing that oral & MORE problematic, ANAL
sex 'does not count', thus using no protection or worrying about the
repercussions. A black/Latino man on the 'DL' who wants to go have
'man-on-man' sex, feels he CAN'T show up 2 the sex clubs, chance encounters,
bath houses, etc w/ condoms in hand as that would imply/indicate that they KNEW
from the outset that they were going out w/ a specific intent to have sex w/ a
man. This same 'dishonest', 'denial', 'it just happened' mentality leads them
to engage in risky behaviours, NOT ask partners for status--which by itself is
UNRELIABLE!!! when an individual is feeling horny & wanting to get laid
& things the 'wrong' answer will ruin his chances, he may & too often
DOES lie, figuring anybody willing to take a total stranger's word in a
questionable place as honest is probably not playing w/ too much going on
upstairs or whose own lies don't warrant truth from others...--& thus are @
much HIGHER risk, given the partner choices, locales 4 the 'hook-ups',
circumstances, lack of real self-awareness or internal reality & thus @ far
greater risk of infection. Sadly, these same men will all too often return home
& have sex w/ their wives/gfs/etc, perhaps even 2 re-confirm their
'heterosexual natures' b & exposing their partners but certainly NOT owning
any of their risks, dishonest r irresponsible behaviours, etc.

As 4 whites having more elite medical
services...while it IS true that far TOO MANY spoiled whites DO have elite
care, when an individual tests positive, the law REQUIRES that it be reported,
regardless of race, social status, etc. Arthur Ashe, Magic Johnson, as well as
other white celebrities have come out rather than let the media beat them to
the disclosure as such information is going to be 'leaked' no matter who u are,
who u know or how much money u may have to 'buy' another's silence.

@ least here in the States, overall,
whites have had far more infections (& the #'s u are looking @ are 'per
capita' not absolutes) altho economics WILL affect individual health, diet,
self-care, etc, ALL factors that DO play into physical vulnerability as well as
capacity to ward off infections, when the devastation began, it was
overwhelming the white gay population hit hardest & decimated. In fact,
that early decimation may have--MAY have!!--spared others by quickly
obliterating potential partners w/ the disease spreading it. I can only say
that regardless of color--I am white, have been poz for over 25 years, still
managing, w/ meds, & lts of complications to maintain some sort of decent
health (w/ some seriously scary periods) & my eldest brother passed years
ago, & was also positive, from what he shared according to early CDC
studies he was a part of, infected probably even earlier than I was, most of my
early friends, roommates, co-workers, dates, bfs, crushes, tricks, etc have
been dead for OVER 2 decades!!! (while mostly white, many of in ALL those
categories were from many, most or ALL races!! I've never been terribly
concerned by race or rather may ave some strong preferences for men of color,
altho the opportunities due to numbers, separate 'communities' etc, limited the
possibilities). But no matter what color u are, having HIV/AIDS is NOT fun,
easy, better, 'priviledged' or ANYTHING 'better' than being neg!!!

Now it IS true that many treatments
were 1st--& sometimes exclusively...--in the beginning & then presented
to the population w/ no regard 2 different results or side-effects that would
later be associated w/ gender or race! A sad but true fact of medical &
pharmaceutical bias that is only somewhat easing over time. So AFTER u have
tested poz, treatment options, care, social support, etc have often been
lacking for other minority groups. & also, too often, these same
minorities--sometimes due to ignorance of even risk factors (having a partner
who is DL!!), ignorance, lack or information/opportunity/social investment are
more likely to come into the healthcare system in an Emergency room after the
disease is already well-advanced & much more difficult if even somewhat

ALL these factors are tragic &
reprehensible. Much CAN be blamed on our power structure & social
programming biases, but @ least some of the responsibility falls on cultural
systems that leave the people being raised in & living amongst uninformed,
often self-loathing & misinformed or so afraid of social stigma that they
continue to live secret lives & fuel the fires of continuing to spread this
awful disease.


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