I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Monday, January 17, 2011


"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."-Martin Luther King Jr.


Many of us have the notion that if a man does anything sexual with another that he is gay and rightly so, but what happens if that same man express himself sexually with a woman? Would we consider him to be bi-sexual or confused? Now ask yourself what if that man happened to black…Can he or rather would he have the balls to let females know how he gets ‘down?’ Moreover, can both the homo and hetero community allow him to be that?
As you gay men read this entry, I am going to ask that you pretend that I am talking about black men that have a genuine love and attraction for both genders. Can you image how much he must feel like a black sheep? Gay men have had more than their fair share of experiences in which they felt like the lone black sheep in a vast sea of white sheep. For black bi-sexual men, the sense of not belonging runs more deeply and spans a period of many years. Even if he receives no overt criticism regarding his sexual preferences, he more than likely will feel that the gay men he associates with are merely humoring him or waiting for him ‘to grow out his pussy phase.’ Is it any wonder he wouldn’t tell the female(s) who get(s) with him? I don’t get how we can say a man is man, but if that said man gets with another man one or both aren’t ‘real’ men. So then one would have to wonder, why are we making it all about who a man is and not about his sexual gratification? The bi-sexual black man shouldn’t be made to feel that he is less than or some sort of failure because he connects with men and women. Rather, he should be perceived as the natural result of his willingness to celebrate his individual sexuality.

So to the bi-sexual black man, I say I am sorry for shunning you because of your willingness to play both sides of the sexual fence. As I age, I see that your very nature has set you apart from us on both sides of the divide. So I am asking that when you encounter a gay man or woman (considering that you are brave enough) you consider that you choose long ago to be who you are long before you got here. You just didn’t happen to be, you came to have certain experiences that would contribute to your ongoing evolution. You are much more than the men and women you seek and give pleasure to and the unequal temperament of your sexual appetite and those of the gay men and women you see need not be a catalyst for interpersonal conflict. So I implore you to move beyond the comparisons laid @ your feet and accept your differences and you will come to appreciate the significant role you bring to this unique journey we call life.


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