I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Wednesday, December 29, 2010


MAY THE FIFTH GAY OF X-MAS BRING YOU THE GIFT OF VERSATILITY! Ducks have adapted to 3 worlds in which they live; earth, water and air. Are you resilient to your surroundings?
If you are lucky enough to live in a part of the world that is also a home to ducks, you will no doubt be familiar with the image of their cute feathery bottoms sticking up in the air as their heads disappear under the surface of the water. Perhaps you’ve even taken a moment to wonder what they see in their underwater world, and if they will resurface with a fish or a water bug in their beaks. As we observe them, we see that ducks are denizens of three worlds—the world of air, the world of water, and the world of earth. As such, they have adapted themselves to be able to swim, fly, and walk, and they seek and find nourishment in more than one place. They are symbols of versatility and can inspire us to explore our own ability to adapt and find nourishment in a variety of places.

Ducks are able to float, swim, and dive into the water, fishing for food. They can walk on the ground, eating vegetation and bugs, and they fly in the air to travel long distances relatively quickly. Equipped with feet that are equally good at paddling and walking, as well as wings to fly, ducks seem comfortable in just about any natural environment. Next time you see a duck bottom, you might be inspired to examine your own ability to both float on the surface and to dive beneath it. In many traditions, water symbolizes the emotions—to duck our heads into our emotions means we are able to surrender our minds to our hearts, to go into the watery realm of feeling and see what there is to see, often coming to the surface with nourishment and treasure.

At the same time, we share the duck’s ability to get solid ground under our feet by connecting to the earth on which we live simply by walking on it. And finally, when we reside in our spirits, we fly above the mental, emotional, and material realms, free of all the ties that bind us to this earth, traveling faster and farther than we ever thought possible.


The holiday season, we're told, is all about giving. It's a time for family, overspending, overeating, miracles, and occasional acts of charity. When you close your eyes and think of Christmas, sex may not be the first thing that comes to mind. But, setting aside the fact that not all of us even celebrate it, is there a place sexual giving and receiving in the Christmas Story?
Like it or not, the answer is yes. Humans are sexual beings and sex is part of our everyday lives; Christmas included. Sex talk often gets lost around Christmas time, maybe becausestress too much alcohol, and spending time with your extended family are not the greatest aphrodisiacs.
It's too bad, because sex can be one of those things that can keep us going through the holidays. It can be an amazing pick-me-up after dinner with your older-brother-who-insists-on-controlling-your-life-passive-aggressively, or a tantalizing expectation to get through one more night with your aunt-who-drinks-too-much-and-over-shares.
But to be helpful, sex around Christmas time usually requires forethought and planning lest you end up with a painful pine-needle related trip to the ER, or a difficult-to-explain shortage of egg nog.
To inspire you to plan ahead, consider these simple and effective Christmas sex survival tips:
Our first, longest, and most consistent sexual relationship is with ourselves. You might wait until after Christmas to buy yourself a present, but don’t wait until the holidays are over to show yourself some loving. Whether or not you have someone else to have sex with over the holidays, you should make liberal use of masturbation as a form of stress relief, distraction, and therapy. Masturbation can also be very quick and very quiet sex, making it a versatile choice over the holidays.
To Hide or Not to Hide, That Is the Question.
Most people are aware of the concept of “coming out” as gay/lesbian/bisexual to family, but you may neglect to consider the ways you hide other aspects of your sexual personae from family and friends. You should never feel obligated to reveal parts of your sexual life to family, nor should you feel like you have to hide it. If you want to keep something secret, clean up. If you want to make it public, then talk about it. In some cases, you might choose to more passively leave something to be “discovered” but keep in mind that this can result in unpredictable reactions you may not want to deal with.
Clearing Out the Porn
Speaking of cleaning up...regardless of how open you want to be, if you’re having house guests, or traveling with your cell phone, laptop, or iPod, you should probably put the porn away. Nothing against porn, or even holiday porn consumption, but being exposed to pornography should be consensual, and flipping open your niece's laptop to check movie times probably isn’t the time you want to learn about her talents as an amateur pornographer. Check out sex techie Violet Blue's guide to safe porn surfing which can help keep your computer free and clear of any unexpected pop ups or embarrassing banner ads.

Christmas doesn’t have to mean no sex, even if you have limited privacy and time. The real trick is to maximize what you’ve got, and practice lots of quiet sex techniques. Sex over the holidays may not be the transcendent experience it is when you’re on vacation on a deserted beach, but with a little imagination, planning, and discretion, you can keep your sex life going right through to New Year’s Eve. The best part about this is that you can start practicing now, and consider it homework for the holidays.
Developing Christmas Sex Codes
Being constantly surrounded by people usually puts a cramp in relationship communication. One way couples combat this is to come up with conversational codes, words or phrases that mean very different things. Saying “ice cube” might mean “I’m really angry, and want to scream but can’t, so don’t bug me,” or saying “honeysuckle” might mean “Meet me in the bathroom, I need some quiet loving.”

One of the ways we get in trouble with our communication is when we have to talk in front of others and feel like we can’t be completely honest. Developing a code or sign can preempt a lot of miscommunication, and it can be sexy too! You can have fun developing your own codes, or you can consider borrowing from other cultures. If you don’t have anyone in your family who knows American Sign Language, you could take some time and learn a few sexual signs from ASL , or take a page from queer culture, and adopt your own version of the hanky codes (maybe instead of using actual handkerchiefs, you could have sweater or socks color codes).


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