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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

¡LOVE MYSELF FOR HATING YOU!


I am sure we all know the feeling of being repeatedly haunted by the same issue, no matter how much we wish for it go away. The more we push away, the more we get pushed back. There are laws of physics and metaphysics that explain this phenomenon, which is often summed up in this brief phrase: That which you resist persists. And this phrase is SO very true for folks that I work with. They give the ‘office poli~tricks of everyday living’ the merit to support a way of living that follows what one has learned from childhood and the general culture around them. They smile with each other, but tear the other down when he is not around. They make good money, yet it never seems to be enough and to top all this off, they HATE the boss with a passion!

Our  boss pays a visit to the Bahamas for 2/3 weeks every quarter, so that means we have free reign to do whatever, whenever. However when he comes to town, my co-workers loose all sense and become mere little boys because they wait on this man hand and foot! Of course when I first started working here, they warned me not to allow him to treat me the way he treats them. From the two trips that he made, all I’ve seen is him taking them us out to lunch and dinner on the company’s dime. They sit eat, laugh and enjoy themselves while hating him for being here. He gives them HUGE ass bonuses and raises yet…I sit in amazement because they seem to think that their behaviors is acceptable not needing to be changed.

I try to imagine them being told as little boys growing up that it is important to be yourself and live in truth and honesty. Now I see them here hating themselves for upholding the boss’s idea of a ‘family working environment.’ I get that we need to work and we can no more be separate from that world than a fish can be separate from the water in which it swims; and I get that they can only see so much from where they sit in their particular bodies, but how could they allow the false notion of what they think they need to survive to take them over like this? From birth we are blessed with wisdom that cannot be learned or unlearned. It exists whether or not we acknowledge it because it is a gift given to us by a loving universe before we chose to experience existence on the earthly plane.

The men that I work show me that we all ‘act out’ on different levels of awareness; and being fake is @ best a mirror image of their reality; and their user/abuser mentality is just knowledge unproven from their experience. Water seeks its lowest level as do most who ‘follow the crowd’ without deep consideration that it’s not in the direction of knowing the conscious self. Do you think they’ll ever get to know that thinking that leads to actualization of thoughts can remove one from being the ‘Humpty Dumpty on the wall’ promoting love of hating the boss without having both feet on the ground?

4 STEPS TO TAKE WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE WRONG

There comes a time in every relationship when words start flying. Those times when, in the heat of the argument, you don’t recognize yourself or your partner. Within a matter of seconds you go from zero to sixty and truly show your crazy side, saying and doing things you know you shouldn't and that you know you'll regret later. But no matter the situation, what’s done is done. After the argument, when you and your partner are both back in character, it's what you do next that can either make or break your relationship: either  forgive, learn and laugh; or damage things to the point of no return. After an argument, it doesn’t matter whether you thought you meant what you said or if you admit it was said out of anger. The only thing that matters now is that you know you were wrong and you’re ready to fix the damage you caused. 



1. Avoid an On-the-Spot Apology. Immediately after realizing you just showed your behind and you let your inner demon take over, the worst thing you can do is spew an apology. Instant apologies seem to lack the sincerity of thought out apologies.  The point of an apology is not to conclude an argument and push it to the back burner. An apology should show that you are sorry and that you wholeheartedly and totally know why you need to be sorry. Take time to ponder over your behavior and include your reasons for apologizing in your apology.  If you can, tell your partner what you could do better next time. Make every word count and avoid saying “but” and “you made.” These phrases make it appear that you do not take responsibility for your actions.

2. Give your Partner Space and Time. The crazier you acted out, the more time and space you both need to reflect and sort things out separately.  Jumping back into things too quickly doesn’t allow your partner enough time to truly evaluate his or her feelings and that is necessary if you want to be forgiven.  Not only does time and space help both people heal, but it sets the foundation for a clean slate. 

3. Communicate Face-to-Face. When you’re trying to revive a relationship that’s just been delivered a huge blow by your hands, technological communication is out of the question.  That means no emails, no text messages and no phone calls unless they are to set up a time and place to speak in person.  One-on-one communication allows your partner to see your non-verbal cues and will make you seem more sincere.  If it means going out of your way, that’s even better.

4. Never Do It Again. Whatever wrong you have done, you can’t take it back. What you can do is make sure it never happens again.  Make preparations to prevent the wrongdoing from occurring again and make sure your partner is included. For example, if you’ve lost your partner’s trust, become an open book. Remove the password from your cell phone, answer your partner’s questions with honesty, not defensiveness, and give in to your partner’s reasonable requests for more information. It may seem like a hassle, but if your relationship means enough to you, it's worth it.





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