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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

MY SOUL LOOKS BACK…THE ONE THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING!



So I’ve made it to the age of 17 and I find myself bargaining with God yet again…You see @ this age I was dealing with my second pregnancy scare (the first came @ the age of 15/16). Between the ages of 12-17 I experimented with sister’s friends and female cousins that were close to my age. And looking back now I see how biased my family was because I am SURE they knew what I was doing in my room that had NO door! Guess it better to straight than gay huh? I mean the world seems to overlook a lot the things you do on the way to adulthood so…Anyways after finding out from a doctor that there was NO baby, I made good on my promise and NEVER had sex with a female again. I stayed to myself for 2 years just doing what I did best and that was pleasuring myself. That was comforting until I met my first boyfriend…I was 19 and he was 27; and we met down town when I was my home from my modeling classes (yes I thought I wanted to be a model). On my way of the building that led me to the bus terminal, I saw a bus suddenly stop…I looked @ it and IMMEDIATELY knew that it stopped because the person getting off was coming to me (wish I could have seen other things concerning him but then again that would change my story so…) There he was this thin dark guy with a nice smile asking me if I knew his cousin that attended the same school I did. I was like no sorry and kept walking and he followed…He kept pace with me for a few blocks and then we got to a point where I had to go left and he had to go right…So as I walked and looked back I saw him standing there just staring @ me…He waved to me, I stopped and he came running with all nerves and a shy smile…I was SO forward because to me it was SO obvious that this man was trying to get @ me. I mean he only rubbed a hand a few times while we both walked side by side on the crowded streets and @ this point what could two strange men that NEVER saw each other before have in common? So I asked him, “is there something you want to ask me?” he said nothing just smile…@ that point I was like okay I know the deal, you don’t have to say anything I am cool…He asked for my number and I gave it to him, but not before telling him that he is NOT to call me until I call him. Of course he didn’t follow my instructions and called as soon as his ass got home. I thought it was cute and looking @ it now I should have seen that as a sign, but that’s the past so…We talked for a bit and agree to later meet each that night (damn I was forward huh?) So he came to my house after realizing that he lived VERY close to me and we went for a walk and talked some more…We ended up @ one our public parks and talked for a bit…He asked me if I’d kiss a man before I said no (why am I getting aroused?) and led me to a spot that would be just for us…and as he held my hand he drew me closer to him and kiss me…I remember that during the kiss, I thought this is the worst kiss of my life. He had facial hair and I was like this shit is itchy so I pulled away. @ that point I was REALLY horny and I was VERY curious about anal sex so I asked him if we could do it with each other?...(talk about not having HIV on the brain). He told me NO and jerked me off instead…I thought I was going to die because the only time I masturbated was when I did it and having someone else do it was out of this world. So we left and he walked me then headed to his house called me when he got in, we said our goodbyes and I lie down thinking this gay thing isn’t bad @ all, I could SO get into this…BOY DID I EVER! STAY TUNED THERE’S MORE TO COME…

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