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Friday, September 19, 2008

¿JEALOUS MUCH?





Ever notice how JEALOUSY is the demon with MANY heads when it comes to US gay men? I ask this question because the other night I was having a conversation with someone that I hadn’t heard from in a number of years. And before we began the catching up phase of our conversation, he asked me WHERE MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER WAS? I thought to myself what does he have to do with this conversation? Then he said HE DIDN’T WANT TO CAUSE ANY FRICTION BECAUSE HE KNOWS HOW JEALOUS GAY MEN ARE. Now I thought to myself that is TRUE for most of us but NOT all. Furthermore, he should have remembered that I am NOT one of those gay men that behaved in a typical gay fashion NOR do I entertain that sort of behavior from ANYONE that I am in a relationship with. Nonetheless, he insisted on carrying on with this topic and I knocked down each AND every concern he threw my way. After about 7 minutes of this we had a GREAT conversation; and afterwards I couldn’t help but to ask myself WHY GAY MEN ARE SO JEALOUS. We are born with MUCH confusion AND misunderstanding when it comes to OUR sexuality, so WHY are we behaving this way with each other? As I sat and ponder this question I realized that the LEADING cause for JEALOUSY exists because of FEAR. Now this FEAR could be real OR a figment of the mind. No matter what fuels this energy, the over whelming feeling of being abandoned OR unloved is common for all human beings. Nonetheless, I find it AMAZING how MOST gay men allow JEALOUSY to take over their lives. This NEGATIVE energy only further divides AND hurt us with the intent of forcing us to become someone else entirely. And this WILL eat away @ the one thing that holds a relationship together: TRUST! For we GAY men, JEALOUSY takes away quality time with our partners AND it UNDOUBTEDLY lead to numerous fights that will showcase each other's negative qualities. Even more dangerous, we end up spending the bulk of our time foolishly thinking up scenarios in which our relationships are being hurt. Hence the GREATER part of the relationship is spent on what could be happening rather than what is happening. Therefore what we will have left is another relationship that did NOT work out…ALL BECAUSE OUR INSECURITIESBut have NO fear; I feel that we can get a handle on this NEGATIVE energy. For the most part, this energy is a byproduct of OUR issues with self-confidence AND self-esteem. Hence feeling that we are NOT good enough OR unworthy causes us to feel this way. If only we realize that the MATURE thing to do with JEALOUSY is to channel it in a positive manner. Therefore I say WE LEARN FROM PAST EXPERIENCES, DEAL WITH REALITY & RESPECT OURSELVES & OTHERS. Envy DRAINS the soul and will make us miserable; and truth be told life is NOT a contest. Hence the ONLY way to change a JEALOUS feeling, one has to change their PERSPECTIVE. While you may not be able to completely change the feeling that causes JEALOUSY, YOU can change YOUR perspective and eliminate it from your life. I UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN AN ACHING SENSE THAT SOMEHOW LOVE HAS BEEN UNFAIR TO YOU, WHILE SEEMINGLY REWARDING ANOTHER. MOREOVER, IT IS WORST IF THAT SOMEONE IS THE THING THAT IS MAKING IT DIFFICULT TO GET THE SPACE NEEDED TO HEAL THIS PAIN. NONETHELESS, WHATEVER THE SITUATION, WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO NORMALIZE THIS EMOTION AS A COMMON HUMAN FEELING & NOTHING MORE. SO ADDING THIS ELEMENT TO A FRAGILE RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE TRYING TO BUY SOMETHING WHEN YOU HAVE NO CASH…IT MAKES NO SENSE! IS THERE ANY WONDER WHY WE ARE CONSTANTLY ALONE & OUR RELATIONSHIPS FAIL? ISN’T IT TIME WE GET OURSELVES TOGETHER & PUT THIS BABY TO BED?

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