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Monday, July 7, 2008

THE F&CK BUDDY




Imagine this scenario: you’ve been seeing a guy for a few months. He is great to be with and very affectionate, but when the morning arrives you both go your separate ways. You don’t hang out outside of the bedroom and you don’t call each other up the next day to say you had a good time, unless you’re calling for another session…HOW MANY OF WE GAY MEN CAN SAY THAT IS THE CURRENT STATE OF OUR SEX LIVES? WHEN A GAY MAN GETS HORNY ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN; & EVERYTHING DOES…This person(s) is only ever on the scene when SEX is the intention. He is NOT a FRIEND-WITH-BENEFITS; he is someone that is in your life purely to satisfy your sexual needs. He is the kinda person that can’t really stay in a stable relationship but has a VERY healthy sex drive with NO qualms about calling you up whenever he wants some good old fashioned F&CKING. Neverhteless, is there MORE to a F&CK buddy than his desire to have sex? I guess he has his benefits, but in long-term AND short-term scope of things does it matter if he has a benefit? I SAY NO! I have bore witness to too many GAY MEN go down the toilet. And although they were there physically, I don’t believe that a F&CK BUDDY is good emotionally. There are so many pros to the idea of a F&CK BUDDY; that it seems as if it better than being in a REAL relationship, but it is NOT. The MAJOR problem with finding a PERFECT F&CK BUDDY is that it will most certainly lead to it being more than what it is. There is NO way in this world you can have SEX with someone and NOT form some sort of bond with that person. BUT IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT I SAY LET THE HUNT BEGIN! JUST DON'T FORGET THE RULES...






WHAT ARE THE RULES? Some say that they are simple things that should be followed in order to have a F&CK BUDDY:



  1. Both parties must have respect for each other; it’s that simple. No respect, no sex.
  2. Both parties must understand the situation. You both need to know that what you have is purely physical and nothing more will ever develop out of it. If you aren’t sure or feel the other person may not be certain about the situation then you must ask or explain the circumstances.
  3. There should be a mutual physical/sexual chemistry or attraction to one another. If you can’t bear to look at the person sober or they’re not wild enough for you in bed then there is no point in continuing a relationship based on sex with them.
  4. You must both be able to communicate what you want, when you want it, and how you want it. Remember, you are both spending time together in order to get what you want, which is satisfaction. If they aren’t sure or aren’t doing something the way you like it, then tell them how it’s done before giving up completely.
  5. You should have few or no mutual friends. This one is very important to me. It can become a very sticky situation if you know a lot of the same people and may have to be careful in making sure that nothing is revealed to them. You shouldn’t have to worry about being found out. It’s okay to have mutual friends in a friends-with-benefits situation, but not with a fuck buddy.
  6. Only call/text/email/message/whatever with the intention of fucking or arranging your next fuck. They need to understand that that is all there is between the two of you and that there’s nothing more to say.
  7. This leads me to my next rule, which is: share little about your life or day except the basics. Sure, you can make some small talk asking how their day was, finding out what they do for a living or whatever, but don’t go on a rant about what a bad day you had at work, how your friend is getting married soon, blah blah blah. You are there to have sex, not to find a confidante or establish an emotional connection.
  8. This next rule is not set in stone by any means but I find it is best if you see each other no more than once every other week. Seeing each other any more than that tends to lead to one person developing feelings for the other or the sex becoming less exciting. Although there have been a couple of occasions where it has worked seeing somebody once or twice a week, it has never lasted for very long.
  9. NEVER under any circumstances should you spend the night at their place or let them sleepover. I don’t care how tired you/they are or how drunk, call yourself (or them) a cab and get out of there. Once the sex is over, their purpose has been met and there is no need for them to stick around. Why would you want to experience the morning after with your fuck buddy whom I’ve already said you shouldn’t be sharing much personal information with? If you want morning-after sex then tell them you’ll call in the morning and kick them out.
  10. Always use protection. If you aren’t exclusively fucking each other (that is, you haven’t agreed that you won’t fuck anybody else) then you should be using condoms. Why risking getting an STD from whomever else they may or may not be sleeping with?
  11. Play out your fantasies and try new things! With a fuck buddy, you don’t have to worry about what they think or how they may react to your strange requests. If they don’t want to try something out then either deal with it or try with someone else. The point of a fuck buddy is satisfaction, so don’t be afraid to get creative! Another rule, which not everyone may agree with, is to not discuss anything about your fuck buddy and your escapades with your friends. Personally, I feel that a fuck buddy is a private thing and they should only be thought about when you desire sex, not while you are having coffee with your friends discussing their boyfriends or girlfriends. Although I think it is okay to share a bit of a really juicy or extremely gratifying night once in awhile!
  12. Finally, one of the most important yet often ignored rules: once someone develops feelings for the other or another person, STOP! If you don’t end it quickly, things will get very complicated and messy, I guarantee it.
  13. …But do NOT forget how to dispose of your F&CK BUDDY when your done with them.

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY IS THAT AS GAY MEN WE HESITATE TO PUT OUR PARTNERS ON THE SAME PEDESTAL EMOTIONALLY AS WE DO SEXUALLY? SOUND BACKWARDS? NOT REALLY! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF HE INSISTED THAT DURING SEX YOU STAY ON ONE SIDE OF THE ROOM BEHING A SCREEN, WHILE HE STAYS IN THE OPPOSITE CORNER? THERE WOULD BE NO TOUCHING ALLOWED, SURE THE CONVERSATION COULD BE INTERESTING; BUT THE ENCOUNTER WOULD NOT BE ENJOYABLE. SO WHY DO WE FIND ACCEPTABLE FOR US TO HAVE A F&CK BUDDY? AREN’T WE MERELY SITTING IN OUR OWN ISOLATED EMOTIONAL CORNER? I AM NO EXPERT, BUT I HAD MY FAIR SHARE OF F&CK BUDDIES & I KNOW THE PLACE ALL TOO WELL…IF ONLY WE COULD FIND THE ONE THAT WOULD MAKE US WANT TO STAY WITH HIM…

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