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I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.

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Saturday, July 5, 2008

LOVE...


























Why are GAY men so complicated? Why are most of us SO afraid to give, AND receive LOVE? Why is the greatest form of expression so hard to achieve? I have ALWAYS believed that concept of LOVE itself is not hard, or complicated, it is us who turn this simple emotion into a big complication. One of the most difficult challenges in life is learning not to take things to heart and hold on to it. Especially when it comes to LOVE…For all of my adult life, I have encountered SO many men that say that they want LOVE in their lives, but their real motive is all but a physical one. Once they have reached climax they move on the next sucker with hope AND faith that LOVE is still alive…BIG MISTAKE! I am of the opinion that EVERY TIME we engage in relationships that are NOT rooted in LOVE we are destroying the elements of LOVE. I have outlined 3 scenarios about the GAY man that I feel are the most detrimental to LOVE and how WE go about it in OUR daily lives.





SCENARIO ONE: THE POSSESSIVE CONTROLLING GAY MAN - I believe that many GAY men are possessive and controlling and that they are either in denial or will justify their actions. Nonetheless, a GAY man who is possessive is someone who feels that you belong to him. The STRANGE thing for is that there are a lot of us who will treat a guy who you have just known for a short period of time like he's your property, believing that even in dating, each of you would not be checking out other guys, flirting with other guys, or talking to any other guys. Since you consider him yours for the time being, he cannot give his number or take a number from another dude until you both are no longer interested in each other. If you catch him talking to someone else, he is considered to be cheating on you, even though you are not in a relationship. Now the handwriting is on the wall as to what kind of relationship this would look like, and you enter into a relationship anyway. There was this guy that asked me if his man was controlling and I told him to ask him and he did. @ first he tried to deny it by saying that he knows how the game is played and how relationships don’t last for us, so he takes it upon himself to takes control for the benefit of them…BULLSHIT! WTF ARE WE DOING TO OURSELVES? BE IT THE CONFIDENT, RESOURCEFUL & KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT LIFE TO KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU MAN; OR THE MAN THAT THINKS THAT YOU CAN’T FOCUS ON EACH OTHER IF YOU ARE ALLOWING OTHER MEN TO APPROACH YOU WHILE YOU ARE SEEING EACH OTHER, THIS MAN IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU OR THE LOVE THAT YOU ARE SEEKING.





SCENARIO TWO: THE “PERFECT” GAY MAN – Height AND weight proportionate, nice dick, 7.5-9”, between 5' 10" and 6' 4", light-skinned with beautiful bedroom eyes, business man with his own luxury car AND apt/house…Other GAY men wish they were him, your friends want to be with you and you feel blessed that you have him…BUT HOW PERFECT IS THIS MAN? Yes he maybe a GOD among men (WHICH ISN’T THAT ARE TO ACHIEVE), but he is real? I ask this because this because my opinion is that more than likely this man that would cheat on you left, right AND center. Moreover, if he is SO great; WHY WOULD WANT SOMEONE LIKE YOU? I don't mean that in a negative way. I'm saying, that you have merely BOXED yourself in a typical way of thinking when it comes to a man, and it seems that it is more about him being certain things than him just begin with you. HOW ABOUT LOOKING INWARD? I feel that most of us put ourselves in a place where this type of man will save AND LOVE us when that is so far from the truth. My thinking is that maybe we have missed out OR possibly over-looked the ONE who is REALLY meant for us. For he may not be the right height, or has the right look, or may be on public transportation; but @ least he may ACTUALLY LOVE YOU! DO YOU THINK THIS MAN IS THE ONE THAT IS GOING TO LOVE YOU OR ARE YOU HOPING THAT HE HAS YOU ON HIS LIST? THE “PERFECT MAN IS ONLY PERFECT BECAUSE HE COMPLETES YOU & NOT MAKES YOU WHO YOU ARE. HOW CAN A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT REALLY LAST? MORE IMPORTANTLY DO YOU WANT IT TO LAST? SHOULDN’T LOVE PLAY THE MAJOR ROLE RATHER THAN IT BEING ABOUT HIS PEFECTION?






SCENARIO THREE: THE UNFAITHFUL GAY MAN - Is being faithful something to strive for, however, something that may never be achieved? Sure, many of us want to be in a faithful relationship, but how realistic is that concept? The sad thing for us is that in a GAY relationship one OR both partners will step out on the other. Moreover, we stay despite knowing that the man we are with is giving himself to another. Why is that, why do WE allow this to become OUR fate? It is SO obvious that the TRUST barrier is gone AND there is VERY little that one can do to bring it back. Nevertheless, we pay with OUR souls by staying with a man that cheats and blame it on LOVE. How many of you have been with your current partner for some time AND found out that he has cheated on you? I get that is it HARD to just pick and leave, but I feel that is the best thing to do, even if it is for a short period of time. WE need to give ourselves to process what has taken place AND figure out if he is someone that WE want OR need to be with. The thing about relationship is that sometimes things brew in the head of one person without communicating the REAL issues to their other half. Then before you know it, you AND he becomes you, him AND the other man. Why put oneself through this drama? It's clear that you're yesterday's news AND he is today's jerk. Like Tina said, WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT? Especially when you're left with a mere shell of your manhood; and who wants that? You don't have to ride this roller coaster with him and his behavior more than likely won’t change no matter how much you cater to him OR try and make it all better. It is time to MINIMIZE the damage AND LOVE yourself. Believe in your own self-worth AND leave him to deal with what he has created. WE ALL DESERVE TRUE LOVE & COMMITMENT, THE CHOICE IS OUR TO MAKE. LOVE DESERVES LOYALITY & WE CANNOT ACCEPT ANYTHING OTHER THAN THIS. I KNOW THAT THE HARD PART IS LEAVING & NOT TURNING BACK; BUT THE JOURNERY BECOMES MUCH EASIER WHEN YOU FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH THE FEAR OF BEING ALONE & START LOVING YOURSELF INSTEAD.


I FEEL THAT IT IS TIME THAT TO CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS & ASK OURSELVES SOME SERIOUS QUESTIONS. IT SEEMS THAT WE DON’T KNOW HOW TO LOVE A GAY MAN OR EVEN OURSELVES. THEREFORE, I WONDER HOW WERE WE TAUGHT TO LOVE? WHAT DO WE TEACH OTHER? HOW DO WE FIX THINGS? MUCH IS MADE ABOUT THE ADVERSE CONDITIONS IN WHICH WE GAY MEN LIVE; WE ARE SUBJECTED TO HOSTILE ENVIRONMENTS, HAVE BEEN SERIALLY DEMONIZED & STRIPPED OF OUR IDENTITIES. THE GAY MALE CONSCIOUSNESS IS FRAUGHT WITH COMPLEXITIES THAT STEM FROM ONGOING MISTREATMENT & SELF-NEGLECT COUPLED WITH DENIAL. YET, WE TRY TO LOVE IN SPITE, & PERHAPS BECAUSE, OF ALL THE CHALLENGES WE FACE. OUR EXPERIENCES SHOULD BE A RICH LAYER UPON WHICH WE BUILD A BETTER LIFE FOR OURSELVES.

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