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I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.

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Monday, October 1, 2007

THIS MAN'S LIFE

AA DECADE OF ME...
Today makes 10 years that I have subconsciously ACCEPTED my SEXUALITY. If I had to describe my journey, I’d say it was my liberated renegade of truth and evolutionary healing, mainly because of how I ultimately view myself in this world. The decision to embrace who I am was not an easy choice; yet I am here. No amount of POEMS or STORIES could capture this BOY’S life. I have overcome SHAME and removed the MASK in my personal journey and waded through the waters of misery that I’ve endured despite RELIGIOUS and SOCIETAL hate. I had no idea what was in store for me, all I know is that I felt AFRAID and ALONE. I was DEMONIZED, DE-VALUDED and DE-HUMANIZED.I have fought against STEREOTYPES, LIES and MYTHS that sought to taint my soul. I sat up so many times remembering when I was 13 years old crying because I knew that I was attracted to other males and I hated myself because I was the THING that the world said that I should not be. It would have been ideal to have been able to talk to someone about those feelings, but I was surrounded by an environment of antipathy for the homosexual lifestyle. So as the ONLY son, knowing that my family would not be exactly fond of having a gay in their midst, I, like many other gay teenagers, tried desperately to suppress my homosexual emotions in order to be considered normal. I grew up having to stomach scripture stuffed down my throat, stating that homosexuality was a sin. Even though I was not engaging in sex, I still knew that I was gay, which ultimately led me to questioning whether or not I was hell-bound and wondering if I was a moral abomination in the eyes of God. Of course, the church told me that being homosexual was very much a choice and a conscious decision…Consequently, I was also told that I chose to be GAY because I just wanted to HURT others… how that works out since   ironically, I was the one treated VIOLENTLY via family members. I LOST my job because of my sexuality; so who really was HURT and who would choose this for themselves if it was not who they are? So I decided to stop the PERPETUATION of the MYTHS, LIES and STEREOTYPES and decided that I should be the MAN I am meant to be. I AM A GAY MAN NO DOUBT, BUT I AM SETTING EXAMPLES FOR THE SONS OF THIS LAND. I WAS PLACED ON THIS PATH TO BRING SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO THE WORLD. MUCH LIKE AN ARTIST GIVES LIFE TO A CANVAS, I AM THE CANVAS & GOD IS THE ARTIST AND HE CHOSE MY COLORS BEFORE I KNEW WHO I WAS MEANT TO BE. HENCE I AM A MAN WITH AN EVOLVED MIND WHO IS NOT AFRAID OF HIS BEAUTY OR SEXUALITY…

A MAN ON THE MOVE...
I AM A GAY MAN & I LIVE IN A WORLD THAT YOU MAY NOT UNDERSTAND. I'm just your above average 20-ish, pseudo-revolutionary, making his mark on this world. I don't think the Bahamas has waters deep enough for me, but I know that I can leave a significant mark. I have cultivated my craft, honed my skills, and now I am sure they can see that I AM not just your average MAN; I am the summation of all that I want to be. I transition space to exist in my own math. Do you need a calculator? I am the first testimony of CREATION; the SUN, the MOON and STARS. I am a PURE example of the TRUE beauty of how WONDERFUL life can be; I suckle form the very branches swaying to the breeze from GOD’s breathe. Do you see the broadness of back displaying the signs of the struggle on my shoulders; hence the determination in my eyes. Be witness to the ESSENCE, SENSUALITY, STRONGSTRUCTURE and POWER as I embrace both the inner and outer beauty of my soul. I have come a long way and I thank GOD for this path, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I AM on a GODLY mission and I cannot allow ANYTHING or ANYONE to CURTAIL my mobility or LIMIT my mentality. I AM offering my service as the rent I pay for room on this planet. I see the writing on the wall; I do not ASSUME it is addressed to someone else. I have the vision to see the FUTURE through the PAST so I can REINVENT myself as that special someone who, in the eyes of God, is WORTHY of LOVE. This ultimately led me to realize that LIFE IS THE SCHOOL & LOVE IS THE LESSON. Hence, I am a LIFE ACTIVIST and COMMUNITY ORGANIZER who has a PASSION for EVERYONE and EVERYTHING on this planet. I walk a very thin line that others rarely see and this leaves me walking alone more times than others. BUT NO MATTER I KNOW I AM ON THE RIGHT PATH, I KNOW THAT I DO NOT SEE ANYONE IS BECAUSE THEY ARE FOLLOWING ME…
A FULL CIRCLE LIFE...
They say, THE BOUNDARIES WHICH DIVIDE LIFE FROM DEATH ARE @ BEST SHADOWY & VAGUE. WHO SHALL SAY WHERE ONE END & THE OTHER BEGIN? However, before such time comes I would like to this time and acknowledge that I feel that my LIFE has come FULL CIRCLE. There were so many things that I took with me that I did not need; things that kept me back and made things uneasy for me. I did not take the time to ENJOY my life and the things that I was experiencing 10 years ago, now I am. I am NO longer ANGRY or HATE those that hated me; instead I take their poison and made antidote for my soul. I came to a place where I fully understood that I like EVERYONE on this planet, I AM one of GOD’s children and he made me in his very OWN IMAGE and LIKENESS so I need not live in FEAR. Coming into myself should have been a time of CELEBRATION and JOY; instead it was marred with the typical reactions that persons that are like me deal with. I understand that they know that I am so PERFECTLY IMPERFECT that they are jealous of me and the strange thing is that I do not hold this against them…it takes LIFE-ALTERING events to get this place and if you are like them; scared of your OWN shadow then you are doomed. Being a GAY man is not easy, I have to some many time remind myself that even though it may seem as if things are the same, in a lot of ways they are different. I know they are because I can sit down and reflect on myself and write this which shows that CHANGE is the only constant in the CIRCLE of LIFE. THE SOONER WE ACCEPT THAT, THE BETTER OFF WE WILL BE…

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