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Thursday, April 26, 2007

MONOGA(ME)


MONOGAMY, is it meant for us? Is monogamy natural? These are just a few questions this topic brings to mind. This is something I’ve wondered about for a while now and I can’t help but feel that we are meant to be with just one person. However it must be with someone that has that mutual LOVE, UNDERSTANDING and TRUST present in the relationship. We all know that there are times when you meet that ‘SPECIAL’ person and you wouldn’t even look at another; if you do it isn’t with the same eyes. I feel that if you are in such a relationship then one can have a monogamous relationship. So what if you are not? What then? Does this mean that we are doomed to a life of a little bit here and there? Does this mean that we then now have to take what ever we can get and make the best of it? I am of the opinion that NO ONE WANTS TO JUST HAVE SEX BECAUSE HE/HER JUST WANTS TO HAVE SEX. Sex is the way we share the physical part of ourselves with each other and this is best shared when there is a HONEST and REAL emotional attachment. So does that mean that if these elements exist within the relationship, does this mean that there isn’t a REAL connection? Normally, when we try to understand why affairs happen we look only at the reasons why a person might want to have an affair, such as the excitement of sexual variety. But this doesn't explain why affairs happen. People have affairs for a wide range of reasons, but their decision to act on those desires is the one thing that I could never understand. I know that MEN can have sex and not be attached, WOMEN can do it as well but I think for WOMEN because she has an entry point that makes it more serious for her. Meaning that because she is penetrated, she is very selective as to who she lets in her life in that way. So tell me is monogamy what we are hard-wired for emotionally and biologically? In one sense it goes against biology - monogamy limits the number of offspring. In one sense it goes for biology, a stable couple is probably better suited for raising offspring. We're raised with the expectation that we'll partner and settle down. There are certainly other benefits - stability, less emotional turmoil, the security that comes with commitment, some would argue happiness, financial stability, etc. I think that monogamy is an excellent thing, but that it can be undermined when people don't see it for what it is, a special thing that runs in some ways contrary to our baser natures. I think one of the biggest myths in our relationship-culture is the idea that once you fall in love and marry you'll all of the sudden become this person who never has a lustful thought that your spouse isn't in. But the body responds like the animal we are. These things pass quickly, and they're nothing to be ashamed of. For one thing it's not natural, and for another, how boring would that be? I suppose part of me still thinks that monogamy is a bit odd, in the way that it seems so against the way that people are wired to think about sex. And yet I also think that for me monogamy feels natural and desirable. I GUESS IT’S ONE OF THOSE QUESTIONS THAT WE WILL NEVER TRULY GET AN ANSWER FOR....

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