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Sunday, August 27, 2006

DAMN IF I KEEP THIS UP I WON'T GET OUT ALIVE (LIFE)


The saga I call my life…Shadowless…on pause…Commonly cast into the wind, blown hither and thither by fear and uncertainty…By way of choices, by way of fate. I have found that within me, there exists resolve and fortitude, I stare gazingly and exit to that place and escape out of this maze. My heart stops and my smoking mirrors fill me with despair and desolation.
Imagine me all alone in my dark cell hoping for light it’s like I am a parched soul that remains dry …unable to drink. I am in unrest; times of perplexity are upon me. My heart is failing me for I know of the things to come…I am so mentally drained from life and its teachings I am filled with mixed emotions. I have resolved to look for the real, positive & enduring value life offers as I try to attain purity. I know that I have to step outside of my self…Soothe my troubled soul and take my life more seriously.
I made myself a promise that I will always make sure that I am into the spirit of living and that I will strong so that nothing can disturb my peace of mind. To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person I meet and make all my friends feel that there is something in them. I will try to look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true; think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best. I know that I have to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
But I got too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. I TOOK LIFE WAY TOO SERIOUSLY AND LOST MY FOCUS! Now I realize that if I am to get out this ALIVE I need to apologize for all the seen and unseen lies, for the heartache and pain that brought tears in my eyes. I apologize for not being true from the start, for running away from me, leaving a hole in my heart. For ignoring my feelings and pushing them aside because I was too damn arrogant and pumped up with pride. I apologize for making promises that I couldn’t keep, for building a foundation based on treachery and deceit. Being selfish and inconsiderate, I did what I wanted to do, making costly decisions without thinking of me. I apologize for not holding me through restless nights and stormy days, for my immature thoughts and my foolish ways. Instead of carrying my love with me, I just threw it on the shelf, after I made love I turned away, only thinking of myself. I cried my heart for me, while I was out running wild and loose, I destroyed the essence of my love, physically, mentally & emotionally. Now I see why I build a wall around me, because it is me I despise, but that’s the price that I have to pay for all the times I wore a disguise. I pray to GOD that one day I will realize that I TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY AND I NEED TO CHANGE IF I WANT TO GET OUT ALIVE!

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