I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Wednesday, June 7, 2006


On this night, an undetected spring breeze blew softly and ignited elements that usually lay dormant in my soul. My heart beat rapidly as I try to figure out this new invader. I felt as if my soul knew that; the night held surprises unanticipated and life-changing because every breath I inhaled from that spring breeze excited the sleeping butterflies in my stomach. Dusk was slowly creeping as my body slipped into the shadows and I felt the need to escape. The distant rainforest I’d always dreamed was recreated with another in a place that HOUSED the full exchange of THEIR passion. The beautiful wet humidity lie in HIS fierce kisses that feed off HIS lips and this alternate escape was fully constructed with the animalistic bellows that escaped from a place so much deeper than THEIR lungs. The secrets that USE to lie with us now lie with THEM. Then they made love and now I see many different faces of HIM...or who I thought HE was... My sky now full of dark clouds, with the sun’s ray focus on me added to my foreboding storm. The addition of rain and a streak of lightening complete my storm…“I am overwhelmed with sadness, “Maybe I’ll cry about it someday,” as time passes as time does when everything in life suddenly gets messed up: very slowly. My stomach is churning and twisting and tightening in an aggravating knot playing dodge ball with my insides. I want to rip my stomach from my body, throw it against the wall and watch it splatter and slide down so I can trample it. I am up to my neck in rain water weighing heavily on my vulnerability forcing me out of my dream state. I am wet with my own tears…Without meaning to, or knowing...I’d escaped...escaped you...and it's all I could ever dream of. Honestly, I knew that I was destined to have my heart broken I handed it over to someone too weak, too careless, too distracted to hang on to it. I am now naked, terrified and full of fear I had no choice but to accept what awaits me…The raw, untamed passion of this existence is unparallel, it would take a colder soul than mine to be left unaffected. The aftermath of this storm created a new world; broken branches on the ground, driftwood on the shore and a fallen angel in my heart. My heart left like a leaf dangling in the wind, I am desperately pulling life by its tail. I can pretend, forget everything, but the thing is…I now face the doubt…the anxiety; I have to accept the harsh realities! Not seeing a light...anywhere, I just keep sinking into the darkness... this idealism that has persisted through all the tempest of my life!


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