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I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.

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Saturday, May 6, 2006

THE 'LAST' SUPPER




The line between good and evil is a very thin one. It is so thin, that my ‘friends’ can often step from one into the other, and not even realize they have made the transition. Friends that start off doing something with the best of intentions that go slightly overboard and descend into themselves. I find it to be quite interesting how people can be so self absorbed and inconsiderate. On what should have been a stormy night, I started calling the ‘friends’ that I had invited to celebrate my birthday with me. What started off as an innocent reminder quickly turns into a downward spiral of disparaging unapologetic excuses at my expense. Masking my feelings of emptiness all the while being beside myself by what has taken place with blow after blow. I didn’t want to panic, wondering what I should do from here. If I go to the restaurant, I would have to call and cancel the reservations that were made and not go at all. Eventually, I decided to still go, celebrate my b’day with jus small amount of close friends; after all when it was all said and done it was only those few that mattered. Okay, ranting ahead. Today was supposed to be a special day...wasn't supposed to be the way but it ended up. So I am driving to the restaurant thinking I had guest awaiting my arrival. Imagine my surprise to be the first to arrive. Now I am sitting waiting, anticipating my ‘real friends’ arrival 30 minutes pass still sitting, waiting no phone calls or anything letting me know they themselves couldn’t make it. Funny I am okay with them not making it, but have the decency to phone and let me rather than have me sit like a fool. I am pretty mad at this point. How can my ‘friends’ be that inconsiderate? But the saving grace of the evening is that someone turned up that I didn’t expect, someone I didn’t even think would care and I didn’t even have to remind him or call him; he called me. He reminded that some people are just so inconsiderate and that I shouldn’t let it get to me. It's hard to ignore things that are right in front of you. Crap that you can't change.It's just so frustrating. And to top it off I’m not a patient person so giving people time to shut up is not my thing and twenty minutes of loudness seems like a lifetime to me. It's really bad to hold emotions in and when I get really pissed. I cannot be held accountable for the words that come out of my mouth when I have been pushed to the limit! (LOL). Guess for me when it all boils down to it this all has to do with negative energy. God knows that it would literally mean that I would have to change the way I look at the world...just to see these MOFO in a new light, and I can't...I won't do that...it is just not in my cards.. Always...Waiting in the wings, stage left, and the little missus never missing a thing.

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